Comments on: How to Deliver “Tough Love” With Respect

By: Maggie

Maggie — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 02:52:20 +0000

I love the definition of tough love. The love is the helping part, not just pointing out the gap/challenge/error. Helping is not doing it for them, so then do we ask , “what do you need to get the task done?” Something like that?

By: Renee Hamilton

Renee Hamilton — Sun, 09 Aug 2020 22:55:52 +0000

This made me think of the first time I took on a very technical responsibilty with my current employer. My boss told me he would train me one time and, after that, he expected me to do it on my own. Knowing the expectations up front, I was careful to document the process and where to find the answers on my own.

By: Laura Berry

Laura Berry — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 13:21:00 +0000

I liked the article, but I don’t agree with the first sentence of the proposed dialog: “Because of your previous experience, I expected you to quickly start working with a high degree of independence.” (Share expectations.)

I imagined myself on the receiving end of that. Using the past tense “I expected you to…” already communicates failure. The person did not meet your expectations. And if that’s the first time they’ve been communicated, that’s pretty unfair.

This could be changed to be something more like, “Because of your previous experience, I believe you are capable of a high degree of independence.” That still communicates what you think the person can do, without the failure part.

The next two sentences still make sense:
“Yet I’ve noticed over the last couple of months that you’re checking in and asking for permission and guidance on most of your projects.” (Share observations.)
“There appears to be a disconnect. What are your thoughts?” (Extend invitation to dialogue.)

By: Mike Mohr

Mike Mohr — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 13:19:51 +0000

Ditto, that last paragraph was priceless! Well done Emily!

By: John Shoucair

John Shoucair — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 12:51:19 +0000

I really enjoyed this article and got a lot out of it. The author did well to go back and forth between the two approaches, and always gave clear examples of the better long term approach. I loved the last paragraph about the true meaning of tough LOVE.