Abortion is an extremely sensitive and emotionally charged subject to address and/or discuss. Maybe if you uncover the reason(s) as to why this gal is contemplating having an abortion, you could possibly offer some help and assistance (BUT NOT ADVICE). There are pro-life resources available but ultimately the decision is up to her.

On numerous occasions, this “prayer” has helped me keep things in perspective and this was especially evident during this election season.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The outcome of the election was something I had no control over. I couldn’t control who people voted for but I could get out and cast my vote!

The courage to change the things I can. I asked myself, “What can I do to help my candidate?” I could go out and walk precincts or volunteer at a phone bank and that’s what I did.

And the wisdom to know the difference. This is the most difficult part. Letting go.

Trying to manipulate change will not work. You must first ask yourself, “What is YOUR motivation to want this change?” especially in someone else. If it’s a selfish reason, than heed Joel Osteen’s quote “Drop It. Leave It. And Let It Go”. But if your reason is out of care, concern, and selflessness for the other person (e.g. health reasons) than approach it with the same care and concern you would like someone to approach you.

Also, keep the word “You” entirely out of the discussion; “You need to do this because…” or “You have to do that because…” and replace it with the word “I”. “I’m really concerned…”, “I’m really scared…”, “I want to help…”, and “I LOVE YOU!”

Thanks, BS Guys!

When my wife wants me to do something, or not do something, and she harps and harangues me about it…I tend to dig in my heels and resist her, or even battle her (verbally and emotionally). My beneath the surface message to her is “I’m not bad and wrong! I want to be respected.”

The other night as we were lying down to sleep, she used a different approach; she asked me “Why…?” Her entire tone of voice was supportive and sincere. I then silently asked myself the same question. My reaction was entirely different, and the next day I took steps a direction that got me unstuck and the results have been wonderful. She didn’t have to make me feel like a loser, and rub my nose in it, to get the result that she wanted for me all along. And I got to save face.

Without knowing it, she applied the principles you BS guys espoused in the video. Thanks, guys!

The “Big Idea” behind asking influential questions is this: The person doesn’t need more information. They already have all the facts they need. What they need is to evaluate the facts, and apply them to themselves.

Any questions that help them to evaluate the information they already have—and apply it to themselves will work.

Common mistakes we all make:
1. When we argue for one side of an issue that has two sides, we force the other person to argue the other side. This often plays itself out: I want my son to stop what he’s doing, and complete his homework. I argue for why he should—which forces him to argue for why he shouldn’t.
2. People hate to be controlled or talked down to. Any statement or question that comes across as patronizing or controlling will evoke reactance. The other person will react by trying to prove how independent they are—that you can’t control them.
3. We have to be careful to avoid “Influential Questions” that come across at controlling or patronizing. There is no single or simple rule for avoiding this. The principle I try to keep in mind is: the truth will eventually come out. If I encourage an honest non-manipulative evaluation, the person will eventually reach the best decision. (This requires more than a little faith and patience some times!).
4. If we summarized “Asking Influential Questions” as “Get them to argue FOR change, instead of AGAINST change.” I fear we would create manipulative questions that could backfire.

Examples of Influential Questions
1. Could you explore the pluses and minuses of changing versus not changing. Could you explain the overall impact it will have on you?
2. On a scale from 1 to 10, on how likely you are to make this change, you selected a 3. Could you explain why you selected a 3, rather than a 2? Could you explain why you didn’t select a 4?
3. You’ve always said that you want to become a physician. But now you’re saying you don’t want to do your chemistry homework. I know these aren’t the same thing, but can you tell me more about how you want to balance your short-term and long-term interests?

To learn more about this kind of motivation strategy, check out Motivational Interviewing by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick.
http://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420660837&sr=1-1&keywords=motivational+interviewing