Comments on: Why People Go to Silence and How to Help Them Open Up

By: Faith Kirumba

Faith Kirumba — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 13:50:43 +0000

I oftenly go silent when I feel like my energy is being drained more than what am getting from others, I am managing a business at the moment and there are times I feel like the employees only rely on my energy to always be positive, cheery and happy all the time totally disregarding the fact that managing a business in these times ain’t an easy job and it sometimes takes a turn for me and I turn completely quiet and it gets hard to get back to my happy cheerfulness just like that ,,,,I have no idea what that makes me I would just like to here your opinion on that.

By: Mervin Rogers

Mervin Rogers — Tue, 14 Jun 2022 07:43:08 +0000

In reply to Craig William Morgan. Your contribution is refreshingly solid. I may have added, “Be natural in every way. People love authenticity and liked to be listened to.”

By: Bonnie Moore

Bonnie Moore — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 19:48:16 +0000

Thank-you for this very helpful guidance. I have been slowly developing these skills over time and though there is always room for growth, I do feel Crucial Learning has helped me strengthen these skills. While I find it much easier to employ these skills in 1-1 communication to restore safety and resume dialog, I find it much more challenging to do so when it is a group discussion and an individual(s) become silent or verbally violent. Or when one person becomes verbally violent and the resulting impact is the others become silent. I struggle with how to restore safety in these situations and with determining how to approach in the moment and what might be better to approach afterwards in a 1-1 discussion. Everyone in my work team is very open and dialogs well in individual discussions, but there are some that occasionally become silent or verbally violent in team discussions. Particularly when sharing direction from executive management that is not well received by the team. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach these situations.

By: Brittney Maxfield

Brittney Maxfield — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 16:58:13 +0000

In reply to Debbie Lane. You're not alone in your feelings. It's one thing to write about the skills, and another to use them. I am continually making missteps and learning to do it better next time. Best of luck in your tricky conversations. Thank you for reading.

By: Brittney Maxfield

Brittney Maxfield — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 16:56:21 +0000

In reply to Sarah R.. How wonderful to have such a supportive team. I'm so happy to hear Crucial Conversations has been a driver of that success. Thank you for reading and best of luck.

By: Debbie Lane

Debbie Lane — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 14:49:28 +0000

I love this information and sometimes feel like you need to be “a Saint” to be successful at this. My struggle is with a couple long-term (40 years) friends who have taken the passive/aggressive route: silence – to canceling the friendship when it’s time to address some “bumps” in our relationship. I never “cancel” the relationship. I always want to talk it out and resolve, but they can’t seem to go there with me. If I wait till they are “ready” to talk face-to-face, the conversation will not likely happen (as it did not in one case). So when confronted a second time (many years later) with having a hard conversation with another friend (who has a pattern of canceling friendships when difficulty is expressed) it was either “now or never” for me to have the conversation regardless if she was “ready”. My intention is to keep communication open and improve our friendship, by having the skills and maturity to get through the occasional bump in the road. It’s as if the few negatives have been blown-up in such a way that all the positives over the years are erased. I need more training. 🙂

By: Sarah R.

Sarah R. — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 20:03:59 +0000

Thank you for mentioning past trauma. I tend to go to silence because I grew up with a father who exploded in anger every time I or another family member tried to discuss a difficult subject. He thought his word should be law, period. I was hard-wired to keep quiet, to “not make waves.” It took a long time to undo that programming, and it only happened with the help of my long-time work colleagues and my company’s commitment to the Crucial Conversations program. I’ve been very candid about my bad habits and where they came from, and my manager and director have been very empathetic and willing to reassure me, and they encourage me to be open and candid.

Also, it’s important to convey true sincerity in your desire for feedback. I’ve been in situations where the “Please tell me what you think” seemed performative; in a couple of instances, it felt almost like a trap! Nothing that will silence a room quicker than the sense that the discussion is just an exercise in BS or a setup for a Gotcha! moment.

By: Brittney Maxfield

Brittney Maxfield — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 18:55:16 +0000

In reply to Craig William Morgan. Thank you Craig. Appreciate the nice note.

By: Brittney Maxfield

Brittney Maxfield — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 18:54:59 +0000

In reply to yulonda. I'm so glad. Thank you for reading and best of luck in your future dialogue.

By: Brittney Maxfield

Brittney Maxfield — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 18:54:23 +0000

In reply to Douglas McNair. Thank you Doug! We are all eternal students of these skills because our context, emotions, topics, experiences are constantly shifting. No two conversations are the same! Each are tricky in their own way. I'm so glad the principles have been helpful as you navigate your relationships. And yes, there are times when our best efforts won't be enough, but you can walk way knowing you did all you could. Best of luck.