Comments on: The Silent Spouse

By: GrantThomas (@GrantTh14216520)

GrantThomas (@GrantTh14216520) — Mon, 10 Feb 2020 11:14:04 +0000

If you want your ex back search for this name on google and click on the man page you will be redirect to his site to see his works. reach him for help.His name is Highpriest Tokubo

By: GrantThomas (@GrantTh14216520)

GrantThomas (@GrantTh14216520) — Mon, 10 Feb 2020 11:13:38 +0000

In reply to Pamela. If you want your ex back search for this name on google and click on the man page you will be redirect to his site to see his works. reach him for help.His name is Highpriest Tokubo

By: Pamela

Pamela — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 03:44:26 +0000

I would just like to share my experience with people who are feeling discouraged by this answer. I first bought CC almost13 years ago. I was frustrated with big issues that somehow never got worked out even though I had exhausted every method that had worked in my life previously and even currently. I tried to rethink what I wanted, the real conversation, how to make things safe etc… I stayed another 12 years in a marriage I should have left long before. What I discovered in the end was that some people have their own stories in their head and they will never be honest until there is nothing left to loose. I believe that for people in our circumstance, one of the last lines in the most important and it seems so nicely stated we can miss it. When you are truly approaching someone with love and have done everything a reasonable person could expect or desire to feel safe and you know you just want the best for you both… And your partner doesn’t respond to this… PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT THEM. You can waist valuable years trying to find the trick. I bought into the concept that anything could be resolved if you just did everything right, therefore I needed to do something differently yet. Be aware of what it means when someone who is supposed to love you is unwilling to follow though with commitment, doesn’t hear how you feel and makes everything about them. My ex and I have a good relationship now that we have split and I don’t expect him to follow through or e able to discuss it. I just say weather you remember this discussion tomorrow at all or just completely differently. Let me tell you what my expectations are now and what I will do if they are not met. The absolute firmness that goes with this, I actually learned from our son:). All the best.

By: auburntiger94

auburntiger94 — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 13:56:31 +0000

In reply to Mutually Sympathetic. I would agree with Mutually Sympathetic. I picked up on the same terminology. Well written.

By: dunmuddin2

dunmuddin2 — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 22:01:57 +0000

Two excellent resources to help people understand the power of the ‘story we tell ourselves about others’ are the Arbinger Institute’s ‘Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box’, and ‘The Anatomy of Peace: Getting to the Heart of Conflict’.

By: Phat Kat

Phat Kat — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 00:57:30 +0000

Dear Mutually Sympathetic
Great words – thanks

By: chaplainjimshc

chaplainjimshc — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 20:28:14 +0000

There seems to be quite a bit of fix it in the comments (although I do like what has been said as it reflects how the commenter has grown in their own understanding). The problem with fix it is that, “What worked for you may not for others.”

The only thing I see in the comments by ‘Unresolved’ is that her husband does not feel heard. Using CPR should help that. But being trained in Crucial Conversations for work does not always translate well into close personal relationships. Once ‘Unresolved’ becomes aware, things may improve. Or, a third party may be the answer.

By: Val Brown

Val Brown — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 20:16:04 +0000

Personaity types seems to create many differences in this area. The Introvert needs time to think over the issues and might even do better to have them written. The Thinker wants a “logical” conversation with facts and the Feeler wants good feelings to result. These challenges lie underneath the apparent converstion as the framework of different viewpoints.

By: Mutually Sympathetic

Mutually Sympathetic — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 19:26:40 +0000

In reply to Randy Tangco, PMP, CSM.

I’m certainly no expert, but I have an inner keyword-checker that clues me in to potential issues when I hear/read a topic. “Every” and “Always” are two of those keywords…and they appear multiple times in your statement. Nothing is “every” or “always”, so I suspect the problem is with the story you are telling yourself about your wife and how irrational she “always” is. I think the only irrational thing I heard is how you expect your wife to keep her emotions out of your “rational” conversations. I suspect your wife’s ability to emote was one of the reasons you fell in love with her. When you think back to your happiest times together, was she emotional then? I wonder if you start your conversations with that FIRMLY in your mind, if that would help? If you turn it from the reason you can’t talk to her, into one of the reasons you love and admire her most…it may help the flow of your conversations. Worth a try? I wish you both the best of luck!

By: Ron B.

Ron B. — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 17:42:43 +0000

It appears to me that their husband has already allowed some insight into what is bothering them. Unresolved also may want to acknowledge what they stated here about the husband feeling like “You always have to have things your way”. The husband may be feeling as if conversation is not useful, when common ground is never reached. If you can do alot of restating that you hear their position, and are able to come to common ground on some issues (avoiding the one way or the other trap), you will then have an example for future trust about discussion. Otherwise offer some trades, or give him what he wants, and build a discussion from there, as a peace offering.