Comments on: Stuck Between Friendship and a Lie

By: katrina

katrina — Thu, 11 May 2017 09:00:04 +0000

This is just what I needed as I am faced with the same issue of a colleague I used to work with (meaning same company but not same division although we used to interact a lot as she was the Receptionist). I will go for option 4, because that is the most honourable and truthfully because I don’t feel qualified to do a recommendation.
The 2nd reason is, that by being truthful, you can point out to the individual in a respectful and trustworthy way where he/she can improve their skills and make person aware of skill/s to improve helping individual to grow.

By: George Claridge

George Claridge — Sat, 15 Feb 2014 18:01:44 +0000

I would suggest you provide your leader with details of your accomplishments. This should be for the entire team. Your leaders don’t always have this information available. Providing them with this tool will allow them to acknowledge all members of your team. Communication in both directions is essential.

By: Mike Sherry

Mike Sherry — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 04:39:14 +0000

Al, nice reminder about responding to what you describe as the ‘surface challenge’. In my work in schools I come across people who, often with the best of intentions, find it hard to say no to responses such as the one you describe.

By: Joseph Iwaye

Joseph Iwaye — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 23:37:15 +0000

Option#4 is the best answer is this situation. I believe the person in question might have something to hide. Why not make a request from his most current employer or friends from most recent job? Decline and save your head.

By: Mary K Parker (@mkparker)

Mary K Parker (@mkparker) — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 22:02:44 +0000

Loved option #4 and the suggestion to dig deeper into the reason why a recommendation from a 15-year old relationship would be sought. That friend is such a kind person—I hope I have those in my circle.

By: Doreen

Doreen — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 18:36:09 +0000

Without reading your options, I immediately went to the same answer as your #4 and wondered why – 15 years later, they would come to me. I would ask if there’s a reason the person doesn’t feel they can ask someone more current since I don’t feel qualified to respond to the request. I’d offer to look at their resume, as well and see if they want feedback. And, I would let them know I will keep my eyes and ears open for positions that may fit their job search

By: Timothy

Timothy — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:42:21 +0000

For what I usually find in these columns, I found the first choices listed atypically poor, but felt a little better about the 4th. However, if a person begins with honesty (does not preclude delivering the message privately in a way to be most helpful) I believe it is less important whether the recommendation would be positive or negative. I respond to these requests by explaining to the person what I am permitted to do and generally what I would say so that they can choose if they would still like my referral. Often there are corporate limitations for any referrals that would speak with an official company voice whether I was the direct supervisor or not. If it is a personal character reference, I focus on providing what I have observed firsthand and of course let them know what I would generally be saying so they can choose. Not being honest with the individual is not helping them, particularly if receiving some tough feedback might have opened their eyes to making some positive changes as they embark on a new career. At the end of the day, not being upfront is less about protecting the individual and more about my taking the easy way out.