Comments on: My Coworker Cuts Me Off, Doesn’t Listen, and Always Says No. What Now?

By: Irene Money

Irene Money — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 21:46:13 +0000

I’m surprised that there is no option that involves escalating one’s concerns to the toxic employee’s manager.

By: Frank

Frank — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 20:26:42 +0000

Look back at what you said, you stated the two of you have very different leadership and communication styles. That could be the entire issue. Is one of you the “let’s talk it out and come to a solution,” while the other is “come up with a plan and get to the bottom line” type of person.

Also you gave no indication of how long she has been with the company vs. how long you have. It could be the response is short because that person has “been there, done that, and it didn’t work” approach to what you are saying.

If you were already at the company and promoted into the director position, the other person may still be seeing you as a worker bee and not responsible for setting direction. This battle is a constant struggle to overcome, especially if this other director thought someone else on your team deserved the promotion.

Finally, could there be a cultural bias in play?

By: Todd

Todd — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 15:44:00 +0000

I am curious…if the same set of conditions exist, but, the person in question is your supervisor, how would this answer change?

By: Frauke

Frauke — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 14:55:04 +0000

In reply to Jules.

Hey Jules I am far from being an expert, but here I need to wonder – if your boss is someone who says that he values crucial conversation skills, maybe he means it but was not ready to have that discussion with you today. I feel sometimes we cut bosses too little slack – they cannot be at their best every minute of the day, and if he does not have time or energy or the mental space to deal with your training issue today, maybe he will tomorrow. I guess you could ask him, what’s a good time to have that conversation, and don’t let that momentary frustration rule your relationship!

By: Maria Walker

Maria Walker — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 13:42:12 +0000

Fantastic recommendations – I find these will be helpful to me in some situations that I find myself in as well, thank you for the question and for the recommendations!

By: Laura K Moen

Laura K Moen — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 13:11:55 +0000

For option #1 It might be helpful to do this in the presence of a mediator if possible – that might improve the chances of success.

By: Jules

Jules — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 06:21:45 +0000

I understand and use crucial conversations’ skills on a daily basis, until today when I was stopped in my tracks from having a conversation all together.
My boss, who claims out of his mouth that “everyone needs crucial conversations skills”, shut me down and said, he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, and nor did he care what happened a few months back, all he wanted was think about today and move forward from today. I must say I was stunned because I was trying to explain the pain and frustration I was having trying to work out a training issue….and he wasn’t even trying to hear or understand.
I felt small and don’t know how to begin to have a crucial conversation with someone not willing to have one!
Please let me know a route I can take…Thank you!