Comments on: Confronting Bad Table Manners

By: Katie

Katie — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 12:05:31 +0000

I have had this problem with my husband for 25 years and have said something. Some times gently, sometimes not so much because he seems to have gotten worse. (no one is going to tell him what to do). My sons have used this against me as if I am bullying their dad and now they have no manners either. They are adults and shout me down. I am heartbroken as this type of behavior extends to all areas of their life and they have no respect for me. It is a poor dad scenario as he continues to do nothing. He has never cooked a meal with the exception of picking up a pizza and throwing on a few hot dogs. I now blame my husband because he has the most influence and it is easier not to make an effort than to make one. I feel sorry for my sons. I saw other women have a positive influence over their husbands and family; and I never have had that influence. They have all resented it. I thought by giving to them and doing for them would give them a role model to emulate but they just expect more and more.

By: rama ananth

rama ananth — Sun, 07 Mar 2021 16:50:37 +0000

I have a husband who is Diabetic, has high BP and also Cholesterol. He is on medication on all the three problems. My problem is he has started loving sweets, he likes spicy food and he loves oily food too, all that can worsen his health.
I don’t nag him not to eat all these stuffs, I only tell him to eat a little of everything, and not everything he likes at the same time. But nothing seems to have any effect on him, he doesn’t care if I ignore his bad habits also nor does it bother him, that sometimes I get really mad at him, because his health really worries me.
I have tried everything in the book, but everything just falls on deaf ears.
I hate to be a nagging wife, and I am getting fed of telling him in a nice way to look after his health.
Because of all this tension, I am falling sick. When he was young he wasn’t like this, but for the last 15 years or so he has started getting into these bad eating habits, and has developed all these health conditions In spite of being admitted in the hospital twice, once for his sugar level, he had to go through an emergency surgery, once recently for his high BP, he is not mending his ways.
Please don’t even suggest some treatment, etc. for him, for he is never going to listen to anything.
I need help to handle his health, and his addictions in a harmonious way.
Am I doing anything wrong? What can be done? Other than this, he is a very nice person, and is very patient, and also very helpful without being asked. That is why, I don’t want to lose him to any of the above conditions. He is 70 years old, not a baby to be told what is good and what is bad. Plus he is running a thriving business, and is very dedicated to it, and right now he is trying to find a good buyer for his company. With all these things still hanging around how can I make him understand that he needs to live to get everything done properly.

Regards
Rama Ananth.

By: Amanda L Schulz

Amanda L Schulz — Fri, 15 May 2020 22:37:23 +0000

I don’t want to have meaningful conversations during dinner I simply wish to eat my meal without having to listen to someone stabbing into their food like they’re an inmate at chow time and then proceed to pack their face full of as much food as possible before beginning the chewing and swallowing process. I’d like to not listen to teeth scraping across the utensil. I’d like to not be handed a fork when sharing dessert that’s got all the remnants of the last bite because he scraped the good off with his teeth instead of putting his lips against it.
I’ve got two small boys to teach meal time etiquette to, now I have to teach their 40 year old father too?

By: Art

Art — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 21:12:55 +0000

“After all, it’s not like I’m spilling food on the floor or eating with my hands.”
So, what if the issue IS eating with hands? Not something like a sandwich…think spaghetti with marinara.

By: Sam

Sam — Fri, 13 Jul 2018 01:17:17 +0000

Dear David,
I enjoy reading your insights into the various topics. They usually include the different points of view, allowing for a better understanding of the situation. With the bad table manners situation I wish to share my experiences with you.
I have found that table manners sometimes are a cultural behaviour which may not be seen as a priority within certain groups. Eating with hands, eating too fast, talking with a full mouth and getting up during the meal can sometimes be considered as norms. To try to correct this behaviour may even be frowned upon, considered as bad manners and would be culturally insensitive.
I sometimes need to remind myself that other cultural behaviours and views are just as important as mine are. After all, I appreciate it when people do not reprimand me or try to change my eating behaviour when I am eating slower, using utensils and not answering until I have cleared my mouth.

By: Myra

Myra — Thu, 12 Jul 2018 14:46:10 +0000

I work with someone who eats like that at work and I am embarressed! I know it is a learned behavior from childhood. I don’t think that this person is starving. I have been working with this person for 5 years and have seen them in various settings at work and and behavior never changes.

By: Mike Radke

Mike Radke — Wed, 11 Jul 2018 13:39:14 +0000

In reply to Jason Martin. This is a great example of a specific "problem behavior" and how to address it. But it illustrates the principles in a crucial conversation so well. I went thru the message and response a second time and labeled the principles of crucial conversation. Found them all. This is one of my ways of learning -- identify the general principles involved in a change, look for specific opportunities to use these principles, then label the principles. It is helpful to label both examples and NON-examples, so I learn what to do and what not to do.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 07 May 2018 10:30:33 +0000

Apologies for tardiness to the table on this one. Topic came up when our lovable resident food police ruined a perfectly good meal for all.

Food policing promotes indigestion and heartburn for all.

First thoughts are: we need to learn to be grateful for each meal and each person we get to share food and comapny with.

Seond thought: why are physiological and cultural reasons not explored?

Hungry people eat faster than satiated people. Plan and prepare to have meals ready sooner and involve everyone in meal preparation.

Teenage children are not equal partners in a marriage between two adults. Sullen teens are positive proof that adulting skills begin in childhood, including contributing to getting meals on the table and learning that there always will be a head of table -and it likely is not you.

This couple needs a supper date without teen angst.

Etiquette is a cultural entity. My husband is of British descent and I, European. He eats with one piece of cutlery at a time and I eat with two. Continent style dining is consumed much faster than the single utensil style. It takes some getting use to unless you attend state dinners, where you wait for the head of table to start eating and stop when they stop eating.

In every culture that I have lived in globally, it is incredibly rude to discuss critical points of view at meal time. Fully tummies allow better absorption of crucial conversations and bad news.

When we know better we do better -so ask permission and record a family meal time so that everyone can find some behaviours and attitudes to improve upon. Make it a team project rather than a feeding frenzy.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 07 May 2018 09:29:04 +0000

In reply to South Texas. Yes, be grateful you have someone to eat with.

By: Bayi

Bayi — Sat, 11 Feb 2017 02:14:38 +0000

My beloved older cousin gargles her drinking water at the dinner table, and in the kitchen with others standing around. I don’t know how to tell her, and when, and how, that what she is doing is something that should privately be done inside the bathroom. I tried once to tell her that she should gargle only in the bathroom, and not while eating with others, but she merely looked genuinely puzzled. I think she honestly does not see it as bad manners. Any comments or suggestions will be very welcome.