Comments on: Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work

By: Victoria

Victoria — Thu, 08 Mar 2018 19:26:32 +0000

Could be about the boss but lately is about another co-worker that is not welcome because that person is from another country. People today just live from gossip and they do not care if they can be CRUEL. No more respect, or consideration. Today is who care. Is sad but that is true. I can tell I have been there almost my hall live. Also gossip when you are old.

By: davidmaxfield

davidmaxfield — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 17:53:35 +0000

Yes, I agree that cultural norms matter. I think it’s important to determine the function or purpose the gossip is serving. You may want to find a healthier way to satisfy that purpose.
For example, maybe I want to “test” my opinion with others before sharing it with my boss. But this “testing” becomes toxic gossip. I still need to test my opinion, but perhaps in a more private way.
When an organization has culture where gossip is pervasive, it’s important to ask why. Perhaps there is a breakdown in legitimate communication between groups or levels. Solving this breakdown will go a long way to reducing the toxic gossip.

Thanks for adding your ideas.

By: Mike Radke

Mike Radke — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 14:33:53 +0000

You have done a nice job identifying the options to address toxic gossip. These may be the way to address and make progress. having this crucial conversation may get colleagues to recognize the problems gossip causes and reduce the instances of gossip and piling-on to remain part of the insider group.
There are however some background issues you might want to comment on. As you have said previously, context is important. It is far more difficult to address gossip in a context where there is a pervasive culture that gossip is just how staff deals with discomfort. In such a context confronting the gossip, even with the best of intentions and using the most appropriate strategy, can isolate you or put you on the other side of both the culture and the gossip. Care to comment?

By: justwanttocomment

justwanttocomment — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 17:19:24 +0000

In reply to lambertc455christina.

Excellent points both Monica and Christina. I think these are very valid points, and are similar to what our office experiences as well. There is always a root to the problem we see at he surface. In or office if you say something or provide ideas, you are immediately knocked down or ignored and are afraid to say anything further. The (“newer”) boss micro-manages to the Nth degree and thus the workers have no voice in the operation. All decisions are final, and this is a government office no less. If you disagree with the boss, you are on his “list” and everything from the type of work projects you get to pay raises, etc are negatively or adversely affected. You cannot bring up any difficult subjects as he does not want to deal with them (or take the time to deal with them), personnel or otherwise. I don’t know what the answer is (other than to leave the office which, being close to retirement, is not an option for me anyway, but the millennial workers are leaving), but I feel there has to be ways to deal with this type of a situation when, what I feel is, a mistake has been made with the hiring of a manager such as this. He clearly was not ready to take on the task, and before we lose all of our good workers, I would like to see change. I try and do things for the betterment of the office and my co-workers, but I can only do so much with my limited authority and time. I have worked here for a long time and we have always prided ourselves on honestly, consistency, and the quality of work we produce. That is all changing with the new management and his “it’s good enough” opinion, or “not following the law” procedures. As far as my work goes, I agree, all I can do is this as well: “Honesty about my own values, check. Kindness and professionalism extended, check. Relationships valued, check. I just wish more could be done. Ideas or thoughts anyone? Is it worth going to the Director of the Dept and having a conversation or would that look like I am not a “team player”, tattling on the boss?

By: Crucial Conversations: Dealing With Gossip At Work | LVHNDaily

Crucial Conversations: Dealing With Gossip At Work | LVHNDaily — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 14:55:21 +0000

[…] According to Crucial Conversations®, a helpful way to deal with this behavior is to think of CPR. No, not the CPR colleagues are thinking of – although that is good to know too. For this situation, the CPR acronym stands for content, pattern and relationship. Read more about how communication and conflict resolution method on the Crucial Conversations® blog, “Crucial Skills”. […]

By: lambertc455christina

lambertc455christina — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 21:14:38 +0000

I see most gossip as a symptom and not a root problem. It usually takes place because of a break down in action or communication. In my work environment, gossip is a sign that an employee feels the boss is not listening or the boss is not approachable. What should an employee do if the boss dismisses an issue that is important to an employee. Or what should they do when they fear losing their job if they were to address an issue with the boss? I wonder if a more sustainable solution to gossip is conflict resolution training for the entire office.? If everyone from the boss to the admin assistant completed conflict resolution training, the entire office would have common language to use when they feel the boss hasn’t heard them or they want to address an emotionally charged issue.

By: Amanda Prock

Amanda Prock — Sat, 01 Mar 2014 05:45:17 +0000

The current organization I have been involved with does not exhibit ethical communication practices from employee to employee, and especially towards our boss. Customer service is wonderful, and everyone communicates well between our store, and headquarters, and even other stores, but the employees do not communicate ethically.

The boss seems to listen and take into consideration, but instead of being a leader, the boss is a people-pleaser. Yes, employees should be happy in the workplace, but instead of maintaining the company standards, sometimes they get pushed aside to meet employee needs. For example, two part-time assistant managers constantly bicker about who gets more hours. Company policy says they should be equal, but as the boss favors one over the other, that employee gets at least 15 more hours a week to work. The boss avoids the other employee as much as possible in order to not have to answer questions as to why the employee has so few hours for the week. This is an example of how she has little empathy for one employee, and could also be called “moral deafness” (Johannesen, 2008, p. 166). This causes employees to become frustrated with how the situation was handled, and therefore, they begin to talk bad about her, and just not act in an ethical manner.

Another main problem is gossip. From what I have noticed, almost every employee is angry or frustrated with another and instead of talking to the person directly, they talk to other employees about it instead. This usually results in words getting twisted and taken out of context (Johannesen, 2008, p. 164). When this begins to happen, I can just feel the tension when I walk into the store. The boss is almost always the topic of the gossip session, and it is extremely frustrating as an employee to have to deal with that.

Johannesen, R., Valde, K., & Whedbee, K. (2008). Ethics in human communication. (6th ed.). Long Grove, Illinois: Waveland Press Inc.

Amanda Prock
Drury University
Elementary Education Undergraduate Student

By: Amanda Morrow, BSN, RN

Amanda Morrow, BSN, RN — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 16:32:20 +0000

Co-worker Terror by Amanda Morrow, BSN, RN Staff and Patient Education Consultant
Yes, Terror, call it what you want but bullying and other types of verbal and physical or psychological abuse terrorizes its victims. I have been teaching standard Lateral Violence and Preventing Workplace Bullying classes over the last year. I have reached out to over 500 of the staff from clerical, laborers, to clinical staff including mental health and medical professionals. An article review demonstrates little change in behavior maybe from not reporting but there is not a lot of qualitative data to show change.
This program began as a small section in a preceptor class where preceptors are encouraged to protect their student from the probability of being subjected to some type of lateral violence or bullying. Research shows students are frequently the recipients of disrespectful treatment by employees. I was asked by several nurses to bring the Lateral Violence portion of the class to their area. They felt their co-workers would benefit from the information. Their concerns included poor morale, sick leave abuse, distrust of coworkers and disrespect for leadership.
Having trained in communication, ethics, employee relations as well as my nursing training and practice, I have become passionate about increasing the awareness of the terror that our attitude and behaviors have on our coworkers. As if the terror of our co-workers wasn’t enough, even Joint Commission is on the alert for behaviors that are putting our patients at risk. Incidences of medication errors, improper procedures and even falls are being associated with some kind of behavior. Here is an example: If a nursing assistant is intimidated by a nurse, he/she may not report a patients decline as soon as it could have been. Another example: “That is basic nursing!”, and one more: “Get me a real nurse!”.
Why is it that we feel its ok to hurt another human being? Most of us would intervene if we saw an animal in a hot car. Some would even stop and help someone get up if they fell. We would even send Christmas cards to people we will never see. But we hurt the people we work closest to on a daily basis. We expect others to jump in to help us out, we expect others to give is the lighter load, we expect others to be polite, we expect others to be considerate. What is our role in all this? Could it be me? Did I say or do something to hurt you, did I do something to deserve having my patient put at risk?
Is your common speech foul? Maybe we should have a review of professional behavior. So you don’t cuss. Does your voice volume increase and intensify with stress? What happens when you need help but no one is available. Does your attitude change, does your ill patient feel your anger? Do you come to work late? Bet your coworkers were thinking some negative thoughts about then. Now they are going to give you your assignment and rely on you. I could go on and on, lots of stories to go around but let’s talk about resolution.
What can I/we/you do to have a positive impact on the morale, the workload, the patient safety risks, patient and staff satisfaction and my own physical and mental health? Well, start with talking about it. Consider starting a peer support group from your coworkers. Take some time to communicate. Use your lunch, talk a walk with a peer support person, take a coworker with you to confront a bully or abuser. Stick up for each other, stick up for your patient. Be an example to your coworkers, supervisors and leadership. We expect leadership to have some kind of special professionalism but we don’t expect it from each other. Hold each other accountable. Accept criticism, use it as an opportunity to improve or to make positive change. Complement each other for good behavior.
Everyone makes mistakes, forgive. Natural human behavior is survival. Stress creates fear, fear kicks in our natural responses,. Recognize your own feelings and reactions. Ask your friends and family to help you to identify areas that you could make positive change. Stressed, focus on relaxation techniques. Weak, focus on building strength. Feeling depressed, get some sunshine. Sore, stretch. Nervous, too much coffee? Low esteem, do something that makes someone feel better. Start your day with a smile, follow your smile, make it proud.

By: Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work | The Wise Le...

Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work | The Wise Le... — Sun, 14 Jul 2013 21:57:22 +0000

[…] Visit the Crucial Skills blog to read David Maxfield's answer to this question: What suggestions do you have for responding to wisecracks made behind coworkers' backs? […]

By: Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work | Motivation ...

Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work | Motivation ... — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 09:13:11 +0000

[…] Visit the Crucial Skills blog to read David Maxfield's answer to this question: What suggestions do you have for responding to wisecracks made behind coworkers' backs? […]