Comments on: Helping an Unmotivated Teenager

By: MomShoots

MomShoots — Fri, 01 Sep 2017 18:39:43 +0000

Interesting article & I liked the responses. However, I come from a bit of a different school of thought. If you had to EARN the guitar & it’s not given to you, then a person’s intent to learn how to play it would increase significantly. I find the sense of entitlement that the younger generation of my sons, (yes – I have two), in general do not seem to have the same initiative and are very thin-skinned, so back off from challenges. This is not to say all kids, but… a huge percentage of them. IMHO

By: Jordan Snedaker

Jordan Snedaker — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 14:42:14 +0000

Thanks for a great article Steve! I can also relate to the thirteen-year-old stories with my kids. I have found small victories also with reinforcing a growth mind set by replacing words like, “you are so smart”, and with “you worked so hard.” Joseph Grenny spoke at REACH 2016 about using the six sources of influence and said, “influencers involve people in 5-10 times more deliberate practice.”

By: Rob

Rob — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 04:54:24 +0000

In reply to Laura Berry.

I wonder if Steve was referencing a line from this ad on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTTs7ewuDY8

By: stevewillisvs

stevewillisvs — Thu, 13 Apr 2017 03:48:10 +0000

In reply to julindaa.

Love this idea. I find myself tempted when we’re reviewing grades to focus on outcome instead of the effort–what did you like and how did that make a difference in your ability to complete assignments, or you studied really hard and put in a lot of effort on your projects–it’s nice to see that pay off.

By: stevewillisvs

stevewillisvs — Thu, 13 Apr 2017 03:45:14 +0000

In reply to John Shoucair. Thanks for sharing John--is he still playing?

By: dalydonovan

dalydonovan — Thu, 13 Apr 2017 03:03:53 +0000

Great article and response, Steve. It reminded me of a chapter in the book “Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children” (Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman) that discusses the idea of praising effort rather than inherent abilities for exactly the same reasons. I found it very eye-opening and only wished I was more aware of this dynamic 10 years earlier!!

By: Debi

Debi — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 15:38:46 +0000

This is excellent advice that I wish I had been given as a young person. I was afraid to try things I didn’t already know how to do. I assumed that others were just naturally gifted in things and didn’t understand at all the time, study and persistence it would take to learn to do something well. Now that I have grandchildren and hear some of these limiting attitudes in them, I am able to help them work through some of these fears and limiting beliefs.

By: Elizabeth Richards

Elizabeth Richards — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 15:27:31 +0000

One thought is to help him learn to break things down into the smallest steps. I first learned this in horse training and then in clicker training for dogs. More recently I’ve started to see the concept articulated for humans who are trying to learn or change. It really makes you think hard about what it takes to succeed. It also give you the opportunity to succeed at small, easy tasks.

I’m not a guitar player but the first steps might be to learn to hold the guitar or find the strings or hold the pick or …even take the guitar out of the case.

Just learning to see the world as a series of small steps rather than the whole journey is a valuable skill to take into adulthood. It can be fun to see how small you can break the process down.

By: julindaa

julindaa — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 13:54:57 +0000

Very good response, Steve Willis! My older son (17) has always tended to get frustrated when he isn’t successful right away, so I really identified with “Frustrated Father.” I have something to add, especially for those with younger kids but applicable to all. Help your kids develop confidence in their abilities. Many experts say praise effort and talk about what the kids enjoyed rather than praising outcome. (“You really worked hard on your project!” Or “What was your favorite part of writing that story?”) I do still praise outcome at times, and I think that’s okay, but teaching your children to enjoy the process is a good thing!

By: Laura Berry

Laura Berry — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 13:24:25 +0000

Thanks for the thoughts and I liked the P.S. Note that this week, Vital Smarts’ advertising used “suck” in its advertising (“Don’t suck at talking”) – you might all want to get on the same page.