To get to the point I am a 63 year old women with a daughter who is overweight. There are 2 important things here. I was anorexic when I was 20 years old. After therapy I have overcome the eating issues but understanding later I continue to deal with control issues. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar in her first year of college. She is a beautiful, intelligent, strong young lady. She’s a fighter. I suffer daily because I feel somewhat responsible that she has had weight issues almost all her life. She has said that as a child I restricted her which created habits, but she does not blame me. So she says. I want to fix her. At this moment she lost 20 kilos and has maintained this the past year. She’s now at a plateau. The topic has been run into the ground which has caused separation in our relationship. We are okay and speak everyday, but she does not want to speak often about her weight. I need to let it go, but do not know how, and continue to think daily what if….. there is a solution. I feel guilty but how do I let it go, and just love her. It’s so painful.

Linnea thank you for your post. I keep my mouth shut but my heart aches, watching my son struggle with his weight. I needed the reminder to turn it over to God! This is difficult for me but I will try again! I love him so much and thinking about future health issues he may face just breaks my heart. I want the best for him and just want him to be healthy and happy! I do realize that weight loss is complicated and not always as simple as just eating less!

Not every parent nags. My son has been suffering from obesity for ten years since his mood disorder became so apparent he had to be put on medication. This medicine has made him steadily gain weight. His eating signals are off. Cravings impossible to deny and his metabolism slowed. He used to be physically fit ran 3 miles a day and healthy. It’s a horrible choice or psychotic mood swings. For you people to just put it down to nagging mothers is sexist. My son is in charge of his health. Nobody forces him to take his geodon. Nobody forces or nags him to go to the doctor. He has found a doctor on his own who is sympathetic and serious about his condition because she knows he is. He’s further tormented by seeing how handsome he used to look when the girls sought his attention and now won’t look at him. He bought a bike, he walks, running right now is out of the question until He loses weight. He lives 2000 miles from me and is in a wonderful career. He makes more money than I do! And thankfully has good health insurance. But he is four steps to a gastric bypass. Quit “mommy shaming.” Perhaps there are some women out there who don’t know how to let their children become adults, but the rest of us are more than happy to see the grown up people we raised them to be. I don’t have to change diapers. I get to read a book! No more teachers picking on me being a single mom when my kids have turned out better than children from married affluent people. Both have college degrees great careers and I get bought flowers every mother’s day. Obesity is more complex than “putting down the fork” and nagging will never help but shaming a concerned mother who lacks the skills of being a parent to an adult certainly isn’t helpful either.

She is under a number of consultants for we believe for auto immune conditions and most of her conversations is about this, dry skin dry eye and high blood pressure some kidney damage, as well as us worrying about her health she has put on a lot of weight over the last 3 years was a UK 14 now a Size 18 is 5’ 2” with a BMI 40

Do I still stand by and say nothing, she works for the NHS and her supervisor has mentioned addressing her weight/BMI Health & safety risk assessment

Wow! Same here. My daughter is 20 and her weight scares me. We’ve had this conversation over and over but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I guess nothing huh? It makes me so sad.

Exactly, this is life or death. If your child was about to OD on drugs, jump of a cliff, or some other life threatening act, you would just not say anything? I feel it is a cry for help… I do feel partly responsible, but quit blaming parenting on every poor decision a person makes. It doesn’t feel good to be overweight, its hard. Our fear of saying anything to people about weight is causing MAJOR health crisis’s in our country. There are ways to eat healthfully, feel satisfied, feel good! Complacency is NOT the answer.

Thank you for this!!! I needed to read this tonight. I have an almost-20-year-old daughter who doesn’t always make very good decisions. Letting go has been very hard for me.