Comments on: My Coworker Does This Annoying Little Thing . . .

By: bean

bean — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 22:54:56 +0000

In reply to Angie.

the older i get the more i hear this “just some basics you don’t violate” argument, the ground truth for which is, as best i can tell, social convention (unless you have some neuroscience research to share), i.e. there are some basics you just DO violate if you don’t like them, and when enough people violate them together, you get a new convention, itself to be violated soon enough.

that whole process/cycle becomes the interesting part to me; how do we make these “reconventionalizings” less annoying to everyone? communicating values between groups, i think, and i think crucial skills help there.

otherwise, what do crucial skills have to add to this scenario? or better, how do YOU approach this scenario in a way that’s less annoying to everyone other than crucial skills?

By: Angie

Angie — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 15:20:35 +0000

Sounds like there needs to be some ground rules in place. Whom ever is the leader/director/boss-should have a list of expectations in respect for their coworkers. We are all different but there are basic things that seem to have fallen to the wayside somehow.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Fri, 08 Nov 2019 18:52:01 +0000

I disagree that Distracted should say “It’s my problem, not yours.” The purpose of being at work is to do work, not to sing. If an employee’s singing or humming distracts others, it’s not a “minor behaviour,” and the singer needs to stop doing it. Although mastering one’s stories might reduce the frustration, a person may actually be unable to concentrate with the distraction.

By: Mary Frances Mika

Mary Frances Mika — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 14:26:35 +0000

Such wise advise. Mastering my stories is something that I think about daily! It was such a pivotal concept for me when I took the training. I like how you put everything in perspective. Is it worth damaging the relationship just so you can speak those words? Many times, it’s not. Thank you!

By: bean

bean — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 03:56:20 +0000

“Did I make it weird?” et seq all make sense from the perspective of doing everything i can to care for the relationship, but on an objective level, I question whether something is going wrong (let alone, how to fix it) when I’m charged with the responsibility to take on not only my own stories but theirs too…

from a manager’s perspective, i take this advice as enlightened certainly, but from the one doing the insecurity dance, it leaves me feeling really subordinate…
can you help me with this toxic narrative?! haha

By: Portia

Portia — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 18:30:20 +0000

In reply to Glen Stroik. I’ve whistled or hummed to fake being happy or unstressed at work and everyone was quick to, rudely, tell me to stop. I’ve asked loud singers/whistlers to please lower their volume and was sharply told, “No!”. I work in education and people are supposed to be polite, so I don’t know what’s happening in all the districts I’ve worked at. I haven’t worked with people that are as polite as everyone sounds here. Adults cut me off in the hallways. People meander on stairways blocking me from using the railings. They swing doors open with force and it hits my hand. They run to beat me to the restroom or microwave. It’s a jungle. Nobody holds back.

By: Emm

Emm — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 18:14:23 +0000

This was a good question with a good reply.
One thing I would like to address: be sure one doesn’t squelch co-worker happiness.
Having watched little sons, daughters, nieces and nephews, toddlers and small children express their happiness in humming and singing, even when entertaining themselves with toys or books, I have come to appreciate their innocent, joyful expression.
The humming colleague in the article is happy; sometimes I catch myself being too “adult” and not enjoying or allowing the happiness of another.
Acknowledging the need at work, at times, for quiet in complex problem-solving or thinking, addressing the colleague in this way is truly OK, and, I agree with Glen’s response. I temper my communication with a smile and generosity to remove his/her defenses.
One other solution: ask the maintenance department if a cork covering can be installed along the entire wall. This helps with some noise reduction, allows people to tack notes up during group planning meetings and solves conversation noise for the other side, too.

By: Jan Songer

Jan Songer — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 16:54:34 +0000

Owning your own reactions is incredibly important. I am wondering about making allowance for those with little situational awareness. I’m thinking there are times when the reaction is appropriate because the behavior of the other person is not appropriate, for example clipping toenails during a board meeting. Does anyone have thoughts on that?

By: Joy

Joy — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 16:49:53 +0000

This article was incredibly helpful! Occasionally, I become very sound sensitive. I haven’t brought it to others attention except to make fun of myself and not making anyone else a villain. The conversation suggestion was very disarming. I can see how this would be helpful to a coworker in understanding your issue instead of them as annoying.

I know the original person has tried music but I have found white noise to be more helpful and soothing to my nerves. There are several on YouTube I utilize regularly as I have similar “paper walls”.

Again, loved this helpful suggestion!

By: Reader

Reader — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 15:45:32 +0000

I really appreciate also your reflection on your interaction with your son and the recognition of your use of authority to stifle him – this level of self-awareness is really great.