Comments on: The Painful Truth about Silence and Violence

By: How to Fly in your Communication by Julianna Bates - Stand Independent

How to Fly in your Communication by Julianna Bates - Stand Independent — Thu, 22 Sep 2022 10:39:44 +0000

[…] To further explain those patterns, check out this blog post by Joseph Grenny, one of the authors of Crucial Conversations and founders of the company Crucial Learning: The Painful Truth about Silence and Violence […]

By: Michael Fuerst

Michael Fuerst — Mon, 12 Nov 2018 20:29:20 +0000

I really appreciated this explanation as we have always wrestled with this term at my workplace and this was very helpful.
I do have one question though, why did you use the pronoun “her” when referring to the employee in your scenario? Seems to further a stereotype. Couldn’t you have said “them” instead?

By: Bethany Fitzsimmons

Bethany Fitzsimmons — Sat, 20 Oct 2018 02:14:47 +0000

In reply to Kathleen Koch. Yes! I was married to someone that used silence in every situation. We were both using silence initially because neither of us were experienced with what healthy dialogue looks like. When I began to find my own voice, I found that every interaction was violence because I had so much animosity after being silent for so long. Silence vs. violence is a tough thing to look at, but so worth it. It stinks to label yourself as "violent" because of the connotation that word carries; however, I think that I did more damage to myself by interacting in a "silent" way. It is a balancing act.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 04 Oct 2018 13:53:06 +0000

Thank you for providing the explanations about both silence and violence. I actually practice both at times. Based on motives I have had in the past and seen in others, I agree that silence is definitely not the lesser or two evils.

Silence simply means I refuse to be honest with a person with whom I am in conflict. It usually results in long, vociferous complaints to others about the other person. In the long term, that does a lot of harm. It damages my relationship with the other person and with the people to whom I take my complaints. That behavior can also destroy relationships between that other person and people who have absolutely nothing to do with the original conflict. There is often no explanation why.

It really is better to be transparent and learn to address problems directly with the person as they come.

By: All

All — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 20:59:48 +0000

Thank you for clarifying this issues with your audience. It is helpful to have a better understanding that both extremes in communication can be damaging to the audience who are “subjected” to them.

By: Adrienne R White

Adrienne R White — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 22:31:53 +0000

I appreciate Joseph’s thorough explanation of the reason for choosing the descriptive terms (both “silence” and “violence”). I think if one were to consider the IMPACT of both behaviors, especially when used to the extreme, it’s easier to understand why these words are appropriate. Individuals who lean towards silence, such as myself, might find themselves using silence as a weapon rather than as a method of cooling down or thinking things through. The intent of this type of silence can indeed be just as harmful as violence. Likewise, thinking of violence as just physical might be why there is resistance to this word. Those who tend towards violence can cause much harm by using unecessarily harsh tones, words, and facial expressions and get their way from a seat of power or authority. These are weapons, also.

By: Frank

Frank — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 18:48:24 +0000

Then by your definition, Donald Trump is the most violent President we have ever had.

By: detodosmoles

detodosmoles — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 18:46:15 +0000

If using advantages (confidence, vocab, etc.) to get what you want is verbal violence, what do we call what trail lawyers do in courtrooms? Law suits and workplace performance improvement plans? Aren’t all those, then, verbal violence too?

By: Michelle H

Michelle H — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 17:33:35 +0000

In reply to Phil Brown. Seconded. Great explanation and should be included in training materials.

By: Kelli-Ann Lemieux

Kelli-Ann Lemieux — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 17:02:06 +0000

I also have been fortunate to have received this training twice in my career and I couldn’t agree more with the comments above. I continue to reflect on the principles shared through Crucial training. It has been one of the most powerful and impactful training I have ever received. Thank you for your thoughtful and honest response Joseph. Once again I am reminded of the power of our actions and the influence we have. I also recognize when I use both silence and violence, neither being helpful or healthy. I think it is the strong language that makes me pause and consider (or reconsider) my approach. Thank you for continuing to coach behaviours that make us much better communicators.