you’re welcome! thanks for your interest (not sure if i got across that i liked your response BECAUSE it could be the catalyst…)

while i think there are plenty of reasons (legitimately selfish and otherwise) to intentionally avoid full disclosure of one’s intent, i think curiosity (enough to ask even just oneself “what might be being miscommunicated here”) goes a long way to addressing the resulting detriments.

Your point is well taken. I think we agree on some points. what i am NOT saying is that 90% of behavior concerns are misunderstandings. In my personal experience a huge percentage of misunderstandings in communication (aka – people getting offended, defensiveness, etc). come from people not fully understanding each others intent. There are definitely those cases where people legitimately have selfish intentions.

also whether or not to have a crucial conversation in this situation would depend on the employee. Do i need to hold a conversation in this situation to “get unstuck? or is this a style difference and with some small tweaks in the way we work together, we’ll both be happier. If this habit on the boss’s part carried over into many other areas of how they worked together, thus negatively effecting the working relationship (which is determined by the people in this situation – not you and I), then i would suggest a conversation. thanks for the comment!

I refer to the above extract. Particularly the action to be taken if the don’t, Who clarifies what? If someone does not respond to an email requesting confirmation. I would ask again and perhaps rephrase the question – ‘they can clarify’ is not clear. Perhaps there is a word or two missing?

oh BOY! you’re experience is VERY different from mine! (…a grad student in bio research)

miscommunication is the MO of every good politician, er umm “advisor”; ambiguity ensures an opportunity to fix “mistakes” later if at all. something tells me the letter’s author (Dealing) might have to reconsider the entire relationship once the boss says “i’d rather not waste time with notes!”
that’s part of the reason i like crucial skills so much: doesn’t matter if the boss is evil or not. responsibility/accountability is forced on both interlocutors. e.g. i think your input could be a catalyst for putting the onus back on Dealing to make sure their life isn’t being wasted in the wrong context AND give the boss real feedback about his/her behavior.

Quote from OxfordDictionaries.com: “Some people object to the use of plural pronouns in this type of situation on the grounds that it’s ungrammatical. In fact, the use of plural pronouns to refer back to a singular subject isn’t new: it represents a revival of a practice dating from the 16th century. It’s increasingly common in current English and is now widely accepted both in speech and in writing.” They acknowledge, however, that it is an ongoing “debate.”

I love VitalSmarts and all the great advice and the stories. I have been able to use the information I learn in both my work and personal life. However, I have a comment about your writing style. Well, actually many writers and journalists are now doing the same thing and perhaps the rules of grammar have changed but, if so, I never heard about it.

In this article when you are referring to the complainant’s boss, you begin with the singular noun ‘boss’ but then continue on with the plural pronouns ‘them’ and ‘they’. According to the rules of grammar as I understand them, the pronoun needs to be singular for a singular subject and plural for a plural subject.

I realize in this day and age of political correctness it is difficult to decide whether to use the masculine or feminine pronoun so many writers are now choosing to use neutral pronouns. However, until a neutral singular pronoun is agreed upon, a writer must choose to use ‘he/him’ or ‘she/her’ and risk offending someone.

As I said, many writers are now doing this. I feel annoyed and irritated when I read these types of grammatical gaffes. It would be cool if writers everywhere could get together and agree on gender neutral singular pronouns that can be used when the gender of the subject is unknown.

Thanks for listening,
Marice Clark
(No I’m not an English teacher or major)