every one iv ever trusted has lied about me, yes i am a victim of crime because of it. I have been trying to clear my name for as long as i can remeber. All my mates have forgotten about me, and iv been caught up in nasty scams to. iv lost everything . 20 years no personal post, no one to celibrate things with, just nasty letters inaproaprate so called friends, threatning texts. I havent had a career or job in years.

Precisely.

I lost my job as well as my reputation after taking the measures recommended, including HR. That’s what nailed the coffin closed.

A horrific and devastating experience. I’m still trying to recover. My career tanked, and with it, my income and future prospects. My resume has become a bomb. There are no good references; the poison was spread to every department.

I should have followed the lead of my boss (who cherry picked me for the plum position I was perfectly qualified for) when she suddenly left. Naive me.

Never again.

Murderers – it’s called “character assassination” for a very good reason – are alive and well in the corporate world and, as understandably, other employees became as profoundly blind, deaf and mute as they could. No one wants someone else’s blood spattered on them when they are around bloodthirsty predators (or stupid chickens who, once one starts the process, will peck another chicken to its death, just because).

As a result, when someone discusses with me a behavior of an employee I have known a long time, I will respond with something like, “Really or Are you sure?” “That behavior just does not seem to fit her/him. There have been times when my perceptions of behaviors, things said, or decisions made have been wrong.” The ones trying to ruin someone’s reputation for their gain did not know how to reply to me, so I waited. Those who were not trying to be vicious but were erring by sharing, went on to err further by telling me more information about the situation. After listening I asked if they had tried looking for information contrary to their perception of what took place and if they still believed their perception was correct to respectfully talk to the individual about it.

When they discuss behaviors of an employee that I do not know, I will respond similarly and add : “I really do not know him/her, are you sure? There have been times when my perceptions… Have you thought of looking for information contrary to your belief? If you cannot find any you may want to respectfully talk to the individual about it.”

You cannot change peoples personalities or behaviors but you can control how you respond and avoid participating in character slander. Eventually people like that will “self-destruct” but they can do a lot of damage to others’ reputations before that happens.

Sadly, long-time colleagues or even friends will side with the individual they believe will “benefit” them.

Sad but true. I’ve had the same experiences. But I still try to talk to the person first if at all possible. The public shaming is like a nuclear bomb if you’re close enough to see the effect on the victim you’re probably gonna suffer from the blast too.

I have noticed that when you are dealing with a narcissistic bully he or she will NEVER be prepared to acknowledge that there is anything they have done wrong and is never prepared to change anything. Others kowtow to them and they simply become “the bull in the china shop” – destroying relationships, making workplaces or social situations toxic.

When I finally did stand up to a bully after trying all the sensible ways of dealing with it – offering mediation, offering to talk, trying to do placatory things – all of which just meant there was more bullying. I finally after years and years of this just laid it all on the line, described his behaviour to him and simply said this was clearly adult bullying. He began to kowtow to me!! It was however necessary to advise others of what was going on and I was encouraged by a counsellor to do this. This of course led to accusations of gossip and to how I was accosting him!

I have just been liberated from the same scenario. After 1 1/2 years of being oppressed by a new manager, I have finally found a way out. Once again I’m able to breathe and make a meaningful contribution to my organization. I just wish I had done it sooner. Waiting for things to improve has cost me in reputation, physical and emotional health. I’m back in the clear and sailing ahead in clearer waters.