Comments on: Tackling the Right Crucial Conversation

By: Having The Right "Crucial Conversation" In The Workplace » Activ:8 Career Coaching

Wed, 26 Nov 2014 20:45:54 +0000

[…] when I saw this question in one of their recent newsletters, I was very […]

By: Ginny Hoverman

Ginny Hoverman — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 19:38:33 +0000

Right on, Emily, with your comments about how often we miss opportunities to coach others to more productive crucial conversations. I have many times commiserated (and probably added fuel to the fire) rather than offering a different point of view (“How true is that?” or “What’s another way of looking at that?”) You have provided a wonderful reminder to be alert to coaching moments–thank you!

By: Stu Peterson

Stu Peterson — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 14:49:47 +0000

Good advice, practical. relevant. Thank you.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 17:16:30 +0000

The article “Art of Managing Monkeys,” http://howwelead.org/2010/09/20/the-art-of-managing-monkeys/
discusses similar options for managers and stresses the importance of clearly communicating who is expected to do what AFTER the conversation. I was put in charge of group who had been managed by a “shoot the messenger” boss. Consequently the supervisors who reported to me started doing a lot of “venting,” which I took to mean that they wanted me to do something about it. I learned that was wrong and a mentor shared what he called the “care and feeding of monkeys” concept with me. I bought a toy called barrel of monkey (tiny plastic monkeys that can be linked to form a chain). I kept the barrel on my desk and explained the process to my reporting supervisors so that at the end of the discussion we both would know WHO owned the monkey (problem) and what if anything was going to be done to care for it. Monkey transfer was reduced and the subordinates seemed to be happier that they could vent when that’s all they really wanted, just someone to hear them out. While this is not exactly the same situation with co-worker venting some of the thought process could be applicable. Before deciding the option to take it might be worth finding out if the initiating co-worker just wants a shoulder to cry on or a mentor to champion their cause.

By: Linette Voller

Linette Voller — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 21:06:29 +0000

This was a *great* article, thank you! I’ve certainly found myself doing both #1 and #2! I’d love a follow up article on some techniques for doing #3 gracefully!

By: Chris Casey

Chris Casey — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 18:00:00 +0000

Emily, GREAT article and I totally agree that whether people play the accomplice or coach role in a “drive-by” is one of the biggest indicators of how dialogue driven an organization is or can be. Listening along in the hallway is sort of the oxygen that a silence culture, in particular, needs. A wise master trainer once told me that the social element of an organization is usually the difference maker in true, organizational change!

By: Tracy

Tracy — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 16:53:16 +0000

The writer is expressing her opinion of the situation, in the same way that her colleagues are expressing their opinions. So again, it’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. Everyone has an opinion.

So my opinion of the actual situation is:

It’s not as much about the decision as it is about the discussion. Who knows, it might actually be helpful for both sides.

By: elaineinderry

elaineinderry — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 16:06:40 +0000

This was good but I need more information about what is meant by “a crucial conversation coach would help them see that this “management never listens” line is a story he or she is telling themselves.” Can you give an example or some guidance?

By: George Cabe

George Cabe — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 13:57:44 +0000

I think you’ve hit on a topic that should be brought to the forefront in Crucial Conversations training – the role of the coach. Many of the exercises in the training (at least back when I took the training) used role play with the two participants in the conversation and a third observer or coach. The follow-up to the exercises debriefed on the participants, but not so much on what the third party coach saw/felt. I think we find ourselves in a position to coach others through a crucial conversation more often than we might actually find ourselves participating in a crucial conversation. Its a valuable skill, its already part of the training, and you should capitalize on it