Fellow after-the-fact overthinker here and afraid of loud voices and threatening attitudes too… I would suggest starting small, like stating your preference when you are choosing a place to eat instead of thinking what others may want, and going up from there. Every little thing you do for yourself, every no you say when you don’t want to do something will create a feeling of reward that will make you try with bigger things although you are shakey and your voice is trembling.
I have lately confronted one coworker and asked a man at the Dr’s office to lower the volume in his mobile because it was disturbing everybody in the waiting room and I felt awesome afterwards. Stick to that feeling and it will get better!! You can do it!!

Thanks, Teresa. I’ll include this in our pool of questions for a future post.

I am wondering if you can offer suggestions on how to deal with folks saying racist jokes or comments in front of myself a person who self identifies as BIPOC.

I’d like to know what to say to shut it down without awakening white fragility and without getting emotionally involved.

A few simple yet effective ways to stop the offender from the comments that they are think are funny or ok.

Thanks,
Teresa

I agree. I was surprised that the advice given was to make a statement and walk away. This seems counter to the idea of holding dialog even when it can be challenging. We are only hearing Timid’s version of this pattern, and I would bet other people in these situations see things entirely differently. It seems to me that it would be better to suggest something that furthered dialog and relationship building rather than making an accusatory statement (that will likely make the other person feel defensive) and then fleeing.

I am so proud of you!! What a beautiful way to change your story and affirm yourself.

Agree. This post resonates with me and what I have been hearing from my counselors. My lack of confidence/skills in negotiation (conflict management) is deeply rooted in my past experiences. I need to empower myself, and justify my offer well to speak up for myself.

Same feeling here, I do not resonate with any of the formulas proposed.