Comments on: Verbal Violence: Is There Room for It in the Workplace?

By: D W

D W — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 22:26:12 +0000

I really appreciate that you reference what feels to be the normal style of motivation and discipline in the world of coaching sports in this discussion.
I would love to see some studies done on effective motivation and communication in sport coaching in today’s world. What worked in the past? What is working today? What are the trends?
I think the days of yelling, demeaning, and swearing directly at players are dwindling fast. I do believe it, unfortunately, still happens to often.
But I theorize that the coaches who are just beginning to emerge as victorious and consistently successful, have a commanding respect of their players. And I would dare guess that they do not demean or yell AT them, and if they appear to be yelling, it’s yelling TO them (not AT them) with a passion for success. They start with the goal of correction, not the old way of “breaking them down first, to build them back better.”
Maybe I’m way off though. I can be the first to admit that my opinions have been wrong many times before.
I also theorize that the athletes today want respect and to be treated as a person more than ever before. Why? Is that because we’ve raised them that way? Or is it because society around them has set a new standard?
I do find it note-worthy that we tend to espouse new ideas of communication in business settings, but are slow to do so in football and politics. (maybe other sports too)
I would be interested to know if Crucial Learning platforms have been able to penetrate into the minds and programs of the sporting world.
I have experienced both coaches in my life. There is the one coach you would do anything for because the daily actions showed you that he/she respected you as a person and was doing everything they could for you and the team. And the other coach that made you look forward to end of the season.
Both are good people, both want to win, both want what’s best for the team. They actually had the same goals deep down.
So what is different?
I believe it’s like Crucial Learning begins most the answers to questions:
“Begin with Heart”
What is your motivation, what is your story, why are you here and why do you care.
And next, the all-too-important
– Interpersonal Skills –
If you have not been taught the skill, you simply do not know it. If you stop and reflect on everything you are, everything you know, you will realize – you learned it somewhere.
The lack of these skills are magnified in the heat of the moment. And politics, sports, and crucial conversations often require high-stress, tense, abrupt, conversations. These are tough moments to know yourself, know your beliefs, and express yourself properly.

I am grateful that I have at least been introduced to learning these principles. And my kids are helping me practice them with all the experiences they are bringing into my parenting life as teenagers.

I for one will be passing this article along to the close coaches in my world.
I believe that Crucial Learning principles need to reach beyond the office, beyond the white collars and into our homes, our politics and may even have place in the locker rooms of our lives.

Thank you for your ideas and the time you put into making your influential sphere a better place.

By: Gillian Walters

Gillian Walters — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 18:02:34 +0000

May I say that I find US bosses have difficulty between verbal abuse and assertiveness and I have seen it so many times in my 20 plus years of working here, and have suffered in my present company twice so far. The issue is that when it stems from the very top, and it flows down, it is hard to stop. Ethic courses don’t do anything, they don’t believe they are being abuse to staff.

You don’t need to shout, embarrass people in front of others, assertiveness is to deal with it calmly but firmly.

By: Farida Madraswala

Farida Madraswala — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 17:09:03 +0000

I deal with someone who subscribes to this philosophy that KITA is needed to get people moving. They validate it with stories of all the successful people we see in this world. I need examples of people running successful companies using your philosophy ( which i subscribe to) to counteract this argument that only KITA works.

By: Ann zimmerman

Ann zimmerman — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 16:31:49 +0000

Great article Kerry! I can so relate to your story. I worked in a white collar environment, and could see the extreme subtle violence all around. A lot of times we think of violence as showing up in an intimidating way waving a weapon around, yet violence, particularly the subtle violence can be just as deadly. . . deadly to the heart and soul of your employee. The lack of awareness around the subtle violence is really interesting, because what is often seen is an organization will claim kindness, respect, and collaboration as their values and even set up Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committees that are have become so hip during this time, yet will show up in violent ways that contradict those values in those oh so subtle ways. With all the recent social unrest, I have challenged myself to examine the ways in which I show up, the language I use, and the body language & tone that is just so ingrained through a lot of years of living. Huge work. Hard work, and requires a constant awareness. I totally get and believe in the lead by example regardless of the power position, but I also struggle with how do you change that culture? My response for the abusive situation I found myself in I have to admit some days were graceful, and other days I found myself meeting violence with violence (the rolling of the eyes while on the phone, etc.). I had to forgive myself for those moments where I was not better, and vowed to continue challenging myself to be aware of my violent or nonviolent reaction. Ultimately in the end though, I finally felt it was just too much to manage and had no choice but to leave. I felt like I was just a doormat, not respected, and had no other option but to take the abuse if I wanted to stay. I struggled with that decision, because I loved the work and had some great relationships outside of the direct management. The question I ask myself is if there was something more I could have done other than leaving. Do you have any thoughts as to how to navigate an organization or department where the culture is one of that subtle violence and/or possible ways to bring that awareness to the light (thinking of those DEI committees and how they can be successful)? Thank you for your insights.

By: Barry Marton

Barry Marton — Fri, 08 Jul 2016 12:32:12 +0000

I had a coworker who was a rapid climber in the organization and is thankfully no longer in the organization who after insulting a person in a meeting and their entire Functional Department (she was not the Department head) he said…”You have to be a [jerk] to get anything done around here”. First, I’ve seen lots of non-jerks get lots of things done. Second, she and her department did not deserve that treatment, especially in public. It’s a shame he climbed so quickly in the organization but fitting that he is no longer here (of his choice). I agree with your post.

By: Paul Q

Paul Q — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 16:23:33 +0000

In reply to Brad Simmons. You cannot compare military basic training with any kind of corporate or business situation. Building a soldier ready to kill or die for his or her country is no easy task and is not the same thing as training and empowering an accountant, customer service rep or salesperson.

By: David Strand

David Strand — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 11:50:04 +0000

Great article. It reminded me of when I was nineteen working my first construction job. In a moment of poor aim and judgment, I threw a PVC pipe from the roof that bounced off the ground and right through a large double pained window we had just installed. My boss (Jim) looked at me, then at the broken window, and went back to work. I waited, but the verbal lashing never came. I cleaned up my mess and on our way home, I asked him why he didn’t yell at me. I will never forget his response. “If I yelled every time a piece of glass got broke, I’d be yelling all the time.” That was over 30 years ago and I have never forgotten how my respect and loyalty tripled for that man that day.

By: AUDIOMIND

AUDIOMIND — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 15:34:47 +0000

So what ARE effective movitation techniques when faced with those who underperform or even defy at what seems to be every turn? Your own children?

By: bean q

bean q — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 06:16:28 +0000

as i read this, it reminded me thoroughly of tosh.0’s comedic interview of a (real-life) lingerie football coach with the exact issue described.
i’m not sure if i can post a link here, but if it adds to the convo, googling “lingerie football coach” would probably do the trick.
http://tosh.cc.com/video-clips/f29b1j/30-for-30-0—lingerie-football-coach—uncensored

By: Lisa McClane

Lisa McClane — Wed, 22 Jun 2016 21:45:12 +0000

In reply to Kerry Patterson. I am afraid it already has in far too many circumstances. It seems to me that people are becoming less and less respectful of others everywhere. Anger, road rage, violence in other forms seems to be mushrooming in human society, largely, I believe, because we have become inured to it.