Comments on: Holding Your Children Accountable

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 27 May 2015 18:39:43 +0000

In reply to Charisa. Our kids are required to make beds, keep toys, shoes, backpacks and clothing picked up and put away and to keep their rooms clean. They do not get paid for this but will lose TV time or will go to bed early if they don't do what is expected of them. We do give a small allowance for other household chores. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc. We give a ticket to them for what chore they do and they get paid on Fridays. .50 cents per ticket. Our kids participate is sports and other activities so I would say per week they earn about 2 dollars and a bit more during the summer.

By: david maxfield

david maxfield — Sun, 25 May 2014 15:12:03 +0000

Hi Charisa, Good question. When it comes to motivation we look at three sources: Personal, Social, and Structural.
Personal Motivation is when they do chores because: they believe it’s the right thing to do, they enjoy doing chores, or they like the neat and clean results.
Social Motivation is when they do chores because: they want to make their parents happy (or avoid making them mad), or they want their friends to appreciate the way their home looks (or at least not think less of them because of the way their home looks).
Structural Motivation is when they do chores because: it’s a job they get paid for (or there are punishments if they don’t do their chores).
Ask yourself, “What are the motivations I want my children to have?” Usually, parents want to emphasize Personal and Social Motivations, and de-emphasize Structural Motivations. However most of us use all three in combination.
Two rules of thumb apply:
First, use Structural Motivations (rewards and punishments) in Moderation and in Combination. The example I like is Scouts’ Merit Badges. The badges themselves have little intrinsic value, but they are hard to earn and so become a source of Personal Pride. And they provide a context for Social Recognition. They are moderate in size, but good at creating the opportunity for Personal and Social Motivation.
Second, try to avoid turning Moral and Social Issues into Economic Issues. When moral and social issues become nothing more than economic decisions–you are in trouble.

By: Charisa

Charisa — Mon, 19 May 2014 14:33:30 +0000

I have heard that giving an allowance can be detrimental to the sense of responsibility to the family. Others say that you can paid kids for going above and beyond what is expected, but that there are somethings that they should just do without being expected to receive payment. David, what do you suggest? And if you do suggest providing payment, how much should a parent pay?

By: James

James — Wed, 14 May 2014 14:09:39 +0000

One additional thought – LEAD by EXAMPLE. Set good examples for your children to follow, After all they emulate our behavior as parents so if we are setting good examples it’s much easier for them to follow. You cannot expect a teenager to have a clean room if they walk into their parent’s room and the bed is unmade and there are clothes strew across the floor.

By: Paul B

Paul B — Wed, 14 May 2014 13:46:21 +0000

I think David’s suggestions were great for when you have multiple children, but how would you apply this principle if you only have one child, or only one left at home? It is hard to use the other children to help in the process if there are no other children. Are there any suggestions for dealing with single children homes?

By: emre44

emre44 — Wed, 14 May 2014 13:33:32 +0000

On Practice: Remember to point out the secret as to how and why they became good at the video game, or whatever, that they keep playing/practicing until they win at… it is that it was fun and they can make anything into a fun game that when played over and over again (practiced) and there is some win each time it is played. They can go for the best time or the highest score and it is especially fun if there is cheering and playing the game with them.

By: Elaine Dominicis

Elaine Dominicis — Wed, 14 May 2014 12:56:45 +0000

Very good, tks!
And how about when there is just one child in the home?

By: John

John — Wed, 14 May 2014 12:10:32 +0000

Try using an allowance system the rewards work. My 12yr old doesn’t get paid if he doesn’t do his chores. We have a system where he keeps track of his completed work. Mom and I hold the final say on the amount of allowance. There are fines for behavior and incomplete work. We find it works well. best of luck.