Wow, Brenda. This man sounds domineering and even insulting to you (talk about verbal violence!) A conversation is a two-way communication, not a monologue or lecture. Setting your own time boundaries sounds helpful. Perhaps something like, “Hi (NAME), I only have 10 minutes to chat today. I had an interesting day today, I… How are you doing?” Starts off with expectations of the conversation length and gets you starting the conversation. I would love to hear other helpful suggested starter scripts to this situation from this wise community!

I don’t do it to purposely stifle the other person.

When I am in a conversation, I just have so much information that I want to share.

It is only afterwards that I may realize that I overshared.

And I don’t see subtle clues (I score zero on that test).

I commonly tell people that it’s okay for them to tell me to shut up — that it won’t offend me, but it’s still hard for people to do.

One thing that I have tried is to wear a watch where it’s easy to set a timer for 5, 10, 15 minutes. When it goes off, it makes me aware that the conversation is becoming prolonged (I *hope* that I don’t speak that *whole* time, but I’m sure I use the majority). Even if I give myself another 5 minutes on my watch, it refocuses me to get back to the point.

If someone else timed me instead of me self-timing, I wouldn’t be offended. But I can see how some people might.

I think my takeaways are

– many people who dominate conversations in this way have a gap in the talent and / or skill to *not* do this, and may be working to improve

– many people who dominate conversations do so with the best of intentions

“One day I came to the following conclusion: If others don’t honor ordinary rules of politeness, I don’t have to either.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not offering justification for spite or petty rudeness. What I’m suggesting is that if others are interpersonally insensitive, you must give yourself permission to assert your needs in ways that might otherwise seem rude. Assert yourself as strongly as you need to, but no more. For example, with my friend, I listened sincerely to his monologue, but when I felt a desire to change topics or add my view, I would interrupt him. I sometimes had to talk for a few uncomfortable seconds before he registered that I was seizing the baton, but he would then stop, listen, nod and engage. Our friendship continued for years, and the pattern never changed. I had to fight for my airtime, but he surrendered it when I did. My resentment disappeared and my willingness to spend time with him genuinely grew.”

Also this one:

“When others don’t seem to live in your world of social subtlety, the rules change! With people who either can’t or won’t pay attention to your open laptop (my friend on the plane) or tapping foot (my long-talking buddy), you must free yourself of the self-paralyzing obligation to be subtle!”
https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-manage-awkward-social-situations/

The skills for Crucial Conversations are precious to me since they enable me to have meaningful relationships with people I might have otherwise given up on. And I am so much the better person for those relationships. Thanks, Joseph.

Before long I’ll interrupt by standing to excuse myself to the restroom. After 2-3 times he’ll ask me a question if I’ve seen the doctor about having to go to the bathroom so much.