Comments on: Working with an Unemployed Spouse

By: miafries2@gmail.com

miafries2@gmail.com — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 16:02:28 +0000

thanks for the posts… they really help 🙂

By: gee

gee — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 02:53:01 +0000

@Frank Bertram
women are like, everyday is a hope that the partner will change for the betterment of the relationship. I hope i could find a real nice, responsible, loving guy out there……………..

By: joe maressa

joe maressa — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 15:38:46 +0000

as a seasoned transition coach I would suggest you ask “Honey I know you feel I am a pest and that I haven’t been helpful but can I ask if you feel stuck and not sure about next job and career? If he is unclear you can suggest he see a career counselor. The other thing is I suggest you see a counselor re the whole situation. Good luck and a prayer to Saint Joseph the Patron saint of work if interested can’t hurt.Good luck
Joe

By: Carol

Carol — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 20:54:28 +0000

I read this and wondered if I had been in some fugue state and written it myself. I have been the breadwinner for many years now. As an RN,I have worked hard to keep my education, skills and networks current. My husband did not. I went throught the same frustrations. He was deporessed, demoralized and frustrated with just having received his MBA and losing his job in the same week. We ended up relocating for my job and he has never truly returned to the work force. However, we came to terms with division of labor and support of my career. He is the househusband, he keeps my car repaired and the gas tanks filled, shops, cooks and cleans (ok, maybe not to my liking on the cleaning) and I still do the laundry. I have a job that requires travel to 5 states; he drives me and while I work he can play golf or work on the bookkeeping etc. When we are home he does home repairs/handyman jobs for the sinle women, elderly or handicapped in our church family. I am also a doctorate student (many a night he has woken me from my stupor at the computer). I am thankful for him and could not do what I do with out him. Do I wish I could swap places? Sometimes, but he worked for years full time while I raised kids and ran the house.
Communication is the key, your husband probably feel like a failure right now and has lost his identity (as so many breadwinners,especially men, see themselves as their jobs). My husband ended up in counselling for his depression-it was serious. But as you can see things worked out

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 18:59:48 +0000

Al, I have come to the conclusion, after reading many of your commentaries, that you would be an excellent horse trainer! I really mean this in the most positive way!

By: Karen O'Neal

Karen O'Neal — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 17:45:50 +0000

Thanks so much for giving some suggestions for those supporting people who are unemployed. There are so many people affected right now. We teach job search training and are often approached by those who care about people who are out of work. I’ll send them to your article in the future.

By: Jeremy

Jeremy — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 17:20:08 +0000

Having been laid off of work in the past, there are a number of emotions that you go through. By not recognizing the emotions your husband may be feeling: his sense of anger, failure at his job, or failure in his ability to provide for your family, you may be ignoring the root of his defensive behavior. Depression is often a de-motivator, he may need to seek professional help in coping with where he is at. Tough love can help for some people but it can also heighten the feelings – tread lightly but don’t give up yet. Sometimes going out of the way to support your spouse, while taxing on you, can bring him/her back to reality and motivate them to get back on the horse.

By: Frank Bertram

Frank Bertram — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 16:32:16 +0000

If her description is accurate, I think it is time for directness. I think it is past the time for avoidance for sure. She let it go on too long.

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