Comments on: Choking Up

By: David Santiago

David Santiago — Tue, 24 Mar 2020 19:25:34 +0000

Interesting topic I can relate to it, was an issue I use to experience in the past “choking in conversations.”

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:18:24 +0000

My wonderful therapist of many years, now deceased, used to tell me, “when your eyes fill with tears, when you least expect it, you are speaking the truth”. It’s been a good guide to me to help me have faith in myself.

By: Debbie Campbell

Debbie Campbell — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 14:12:12 +0000

In reply to Kathy Wire. I so agree with those who have stated that "choking up" needs to be "de-criminalized". When my employees have reacted this way, it has not damaged our relationship. In fact, in most cases, I respect the passion they feel for the subject we are discussing. Having said that, when I have been the teary one, I admit feeling very uncomfortable. The best supervisors, co-workers and friends are those who have set my fears to rest, by accepting my reaction with grace and warmth.

By: Linda

Linda — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:30:37 +0000

Recently I was told of a saying that fits this scenario:
“When you are butt deep in alligators, remember that you were there to
drain the swamp”.
Hence refocusing on purpose of interaction.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:37:21 +0000

While I think this article has some good advice in it, I am sorry that it allows an assumption that displays of emotion are bad to continue. I have worked in HR for many years, as well as volunteering as a mediator, and I’m an energetic bodyworker (i.e. reiki, chakra therapy, et al), and in my experience, it’s only when there is room for emotion to be displayed and given a voice that a crucial conversation moves all the parties involved forward in a good way. The tools for crucial conversations are wonderful for maintaining focus, building solutions, and ensuring that emotions don’t hijack the process, but that doesn’t mean the emotions aren’t there. In fact the heart holds the vulnerability and compassion that’s necessary to a mutual conversation that deepens the relationship. Sharing it can be a tremendous gift to the process and to all present.

By: lynne smith

lynne smith — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:09:20 +0000

I think to have the strength to stop in the moment and to be able to say, I need to collect myself, is incredibly powerful. The writer says, by doing that “the damage was done”. I disagree. Someone with the presence of mind, the strength and wisdom to be able to stop and take the reins like that shows great presence of mind and inner strength. For years I had panic attacks and the first time I did this very thing she describes, it empowered me because it showed me when i felt out of control, i could stop and regain control, and the calmness with which i continued afterwards, gave power to my position. It’s awesome.

By: Kathy Wire

Kathy Wire — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:46:20 +0000

I work a lot in the field of conflict, and one of the lessons I have learned is that emotions are often essential to the process. It’s OK if someone cries when they are upset; it’s a natural human reaction. Surely, there are some situations in which it won’t help, and may be counterproductive. But in a situation that truly involves high stakes and emotions, I think your approach may be unrealistic. Rather, I would have a box of tissues handy and ratify the emotions involved. Even in a work setting, we are still dealing with people and their lives.