I agree. I don’t think people should apologize for being recognized and promoted in the work place. I do agree that a frank conversation about on going resentment and their working relationship is necessary. If LW is not their supervisor, their supervisor should step in and discuss the impact on productivity and cohesion this ongoing problem is causing.

Here are a few things you might want to look at yourself before approaching this person:
1. Were they interested in the job first and then you got interested in it?
2. Do they feel like you stole the job from them by you taking credit for things they did, or undermining them to your superiors during the process?
3. Did they know you were applying for the job? or were you offered the position or asked to apply out of the blue and unplanned?
4. After taking the position, have you not given them credit for their work in some fashion?

So before even apologizing, you could ask to talk to them. If they agree, tell them that you can see that they are upset and it has affected your relationship and you’d like to understand why and if you have done anything that they perceived as wrong. Tell them that maybe there is something that is obvious to you and for which you have no idea, but if that is the case, you care enough to know and to rectify it if possible. Let them know that if they feel you have wronged them, could they please help you to understand how, so you can take responsibility for your actions. If so, then you may apologize.

If they cannot do so, but simply cannot get over the fact that they were not promoted and there is no wrongdoing on your part, maybe you can share how you can see it is hurting them and how unhappy they are. Maybe you can give them a project to work on in order to be promoted to another position. If there is no such possibility, then ask if there is something else that is part of that decision that is making them so upset. Maybe they have financial problems and they were counting on the promotion to help fix them. Maybe they have relationship issues or other insecurities that they thought would make them feel good about themselves. Maybe they had goals and a timeline for those goals, and now the only way to reach them is to go to another company (which often is the best way to move ahead) but they don’t want to move out of their comfort zone.

So, there could be many reasons for their behavior that have nothing to do with you. If you let them know that you still offer your friendship if they change their mind, maybe that is all you can do and maybe that is enough.

Agree this makes sense too. if its ones job then the apology is not sincere, and the hearer will see right through it.

100% James!

I think the most important part of a sincere apology is the tone more than the vocabulary. It’s true that if you say “I’m sorry that you got upset” it’s not an apology. But either “I’m sorry I did something to upset you” or “I apologize for doing something to upset you” should work if sincere.

I think that people will feel differently according to their own lifes events.
From my personal experience Someone caused my child and I serious permanant physical and mental harm and when found guilty of negleance in the Plane crash and then asked by the press why he has never reached out to the person he hurt and was only concerned about his plane; his response was “SORRY this ever happened.
He has never apologized or shown any concern for what he did to my little boy and I. He was only SORRY that he got caught and it hurt his beloved plane.

This is the link to the plane crash.

https://pamplinmedia.com/mop/157-news/520395-415826-pilot-reckless-in-plane-crash-involving-molalla-residents-pwoff

You need to click on the pictures and links to see them all.

I’m still looking for a law firm to take care of this.

My new manager has a different communication style than previous managers and is not experienced in the type of work my team does. Her vision for the future she wants to build downplayed our accomplishments from the past. It would have helped if she had more clearly stated her appreciation for the hard work we had previously done.

She decided to move some of our projects to another team but didn’t give clear directions about work our team would be doing. The change felt abrupt with no time to find an off ramp. It would have helped to identify parts of the project we could complete as well as providing a new project we could get excited about.

There were also times when it did not feel safe to ask questions.

Other factors contributed to what became a challenging year. I blame myself for some of that by being slow to adapt to the new organization. Thankfully, I finally did. However, I also think a new manager can do a lot to ease the transition with clearly defined plans, partnership with the team, and making the space safe for questions.

I agree they are different, but I found the opposite to be true…working with the public years ago, we were trained to say “I apologize” when trying to appease an upset customer. It always felt very generic, very non-personal (“I’m-only-saying-this-because-it’s-my-job”). I would personally find “I’m sorry” to be much more genuine.

I agree 100%
I’m sorry and I apologize are very different. The first is very generic and shows no personal accountability and the second is personal and shows sincerity. Thank you for restructuring the statement to help others see the difference.