Comments on: Parenting a Strong-willed Teenager

By: Julinda

Julinda — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 14:32:43 +0000

In reply to Tanya. He's not suggesting you say that to your child. You are asking yourself that to help you see his/her point of view!

By: Tanya

Tanya — Sun, 08 Feb 2015 03:07:52 +0000

In reply to an. There is a difference between behavior and person. Their behavior is not decent, that doesn't make them not decent. My teen struggles with negative self-worth because of her perception of performance as equal to intrinsic value. Unconditional love addresses behavior separate from the person. I would not use that tactic.

By: an

an — Sat, 07 Feb 2015 13:38:05 +0000

In reply to Tanya. Yes, he should hear that and know that he is not being decent by what he did X just now. Insight is the first part of self-improvement.

By: Tanya

Tanya — Wed, 10 Dec 2014 17:01:41 +0000

I am a bit concerned about the rephrased question of “What would a decent kid do?” My teen would hear “You aren’t a decent kid because you did X just now.”

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:41:55 +0000

I too was blessed with strong-willed teenagers. I stress the plural because I have 2 boys a little over a year apart, the older of which struggled with social issues and was diagnosed with Aspergers in his pre-teen years. Both are very outspoken and can be very rude and hurtful, usually directed at myself, my spouse or each other. My husband and I have very different parenting styles. He will gloss over issues and not address them, whereas I will speak up (sometimes too defensively), so I’m more often the target. They feed off of each other and these situations have occasionally escalated to physical altercation or damaged property. They are now 18 & 19 and both are in post-secondary school. There were always ups and downs in the extremity of the issues, but there have been huge improvements as the hormones of the teenage years have stabalized. There are still some verbal issues, but things are peaceful for the most part now. Both sons have said at various times when upset that they can’t wait to finish school and move out. My younger son also feels that his brother was not held accountable for his behaviour and his diagnoses was used as an excuse. Like the father of your story, I worry whether my husband and I will be able to heal our relationships with our sons as they progress into adulthood. Any advice you can provide to start the dialoge for healing old wounds would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Distressed