Comments on: Kerrying On: Dealing with Deference

By: Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Dr. Dennis O'Grady — Sat, 28 May 2022 16:32:08 +0000

Deference to authority is an idea-killer and team spirit stealer.

Effective communication is two-way. “It’s my way or the highway!” is ineffective because it shuts down communication avenues and “stifles” better idea generation.

Kerry compassionately shows us all how to feel calmer and more confident in our conversations, even during tense power situations or troubled emotional times.

He always encourages practicing empathy in the present moment of heightened moods in our most important relationships.

An effective communicator seeks to see things through the eyes of the person to whom they are speaking. They display compassion, empathy, and respect.

It’s up to all of us to enter this brave new world of communication today!

By: Steven Thomas

Steven Thomas — Mon, 23 May 2022 15:59:04 +0000

I must tell my boss how much smarter he is than the average bear. when he comes in with a “are you kidding” idea he watches. When he tells me and I stop take a drink of water then pose some lame answer. He tells me I have a tell and better never play poker. If I take a drink first before answering he knows I disagree and just have not figured out how to say it yet. He stops me and says what are you really thinking. I suspect many employees and family members have some kind of “pause” tell that helps us figure out when we are in the weeds.

By: Jacqueline Brown

Jacqueline Brown — Fri, 20 May 2022 19:55:09 +0000

Excellent article, as always. I love the way that Kerry puts everything into circumstances that we can all relate to. Wish there were more bosses reading his brilliant words!

By: Brent Walker

Brent Walker — Wed, 18 May 2022 20:16:43 +0000

Insightful and inspiring – Kerry continues to deliver useful advice in a way that disarms the reader (or listener) and makes us want to do better.

By: Vera Oakley Kelley

Vera Oakley Kelley — Wed, 18 May 2022 20:05:22 +0000

Pressed for time, I pushed through to read it all. We’ll worth the time. I see application in corporate settings and personal relationships. Brilliant!

By: Sandy

Sandy — Wed, 18 May 2022 17:02:06 +0000

I really liked the article, and the way you wrote it. Do’s and Don’ts! This reminds me of a training video we use often at our organization called “The Road to Abilene” where everyone ends up going on a trip that no one really wanted to take. It taught me to speak up. Sometimes I’m the only voice of descent, but more often, I see others breath a sign of relief that someone said something. But, then, I am fortunate to work with leaders who value their employee’s perspectives.

By: Teresa Harry

Teresa Harry — Wed, 18 May 2022 16:17:56 +0000

I always love Kerry’s endings.

By: Robin Wazny

Robin Wazny — Wed, 18 May 2022 14:56:14 +0000

Excellent article!

By: HH

HH — Wed, 18 May 2022 14:35:58 +0000

In reply to C. P.. I liked the article, but it seems to me if the boss had simply gone and picked up his OWN wood scraps instead of having others do it for him, the whole problem could have been avoided. But maybe that is another article about "getting your hands dirty" or "Not asking your employees to do you personal favors on company time"?

By: C. P.

C. P. — Wed, 18 May 2022 13:57:25 +0000

Ouch, that’s some very expensive firewood! I have found with bosses who are high on deference and defensive that I can agree to investigate their idea, and then come back and say, “hey, here’s why this might not work. Should we go ahead?” and that works fairly well because they feel I’m invested in their success and the double check gives them a second to say ,”hey, maybe not. glad you checked!”.

Kerry if you can continue on this theme – I have had the problem in the past where there were three or more layers of deferential staff and that leads to problems just like your lumber case. Is there a way we can guide our bosses to change their behavior in this sort of deference?