Comments on: Kerrying On: The Two Faces of Deference

By: Dawn T

Dawn T — Thu, 19 May 2022 15:27:42 +0000

Mr. Patterson, really enjoy reading your articles, both amusing and informative!
Wanted to share a situation where we had a consultant who was brought in to our workplace to do an assessment and provide a tool that would grade the loan processing staff. Several of us involved in the conversation expressed dissenting opinions about the effectiveness of the tool, yet the “powers that be” insisted that the project moved forward. This was several years ago and to date, the tool, which we “did well” (in the creation of the tool and what it would capture; the optics of how it would be presented) has never been put to use. This is an example of those in the ivory tower not having a good understanding of what is happening at the production level. MANY hours spent perfecting a tool that would never be used.

By: Dave McCarraher

Dave McCarraher — Sat, 14 May 2022 14:23:33 +0000

Been there in my younger days. Our boss had tons of smarts working with a team with considerable field experience. Even though we offered and suggested improved alternatives, she wanted it done her way. So…we did. As the plan progressed each of the staff members incrementally added our own ideas and represented them back to the boss during update meetings. Thank goodness she was a reasonable person. Final result most of the time we did a blend of her and our contributions. Not the best in the staffs’ eyes but a collaboration worthy of the project and in service of our customers. Crucial Conversations help me personally along this path.

By: bean q

bean q — Fri, 13 May 2022 00:27:12 +0000

my favorite examples of deference (of the personal and ideological varieties):

PhD advisor: it’s going to be hard for you to get your degree if you don’t find what we’ve come to expect from reading the literature…
student: how about i just show you the data, and we’ll take it from there?
months later…
PhD advisor: you could just SAY you did the experiments…
student: so you’re advising me to lie in the paper?
PhD advisor: …yes, it’s unfortunate, but we have to do it sometimes…
student: no, you should’ve told me what you wanted initially so that i’d include it in the experimental design…
PhD advisor: but then you wouldn’t want to do such difficult experimnets!

eventually this student found out that other students and post-docs had been spoiling this advisor with so much “respect” that he felt comfortable requesting just the right data to make publications stand out … for more lab-funding to make his next batch of papers the ones that finally caused the scientific revolutions for which he hoped, of course!

(still need any help i can get for my lawsuit if anyone’s interested!)

By: Dennis O'Grady

Dennis O'Grady — Thu, 12 May 2022 20:43:31 +0000

Thanks, Kerry! As a marriage counselor, I’ve seen examples of stifled communication time after time with sad results. One spouse, typically the more dominant Instigator controls the conversation. The other spouse, typically the pleaser Empathizer keeps silent about their honest input. (If you ever watched the 70s sitcom “All In The Family” you know what I’m talking about.) Resentment walls build. Good ideas and critical feedback die on the vine. Everyone suffers. Transformational communication is what we all strive for nowadays so progress and needed changes aren’t stalled out at home or work.

By: Christine C

Christine C — Thu, 12 May 2022 20:25:43 +0000

I actually thought this article was going to be about Leo, the boss who knew how to do everything. That’s me, I’ve been at our store the longest and my coworkers come to me with lots of questions. However, I try to explain how I got to my answers so they can figure it out themselves next time. I won’t always be available to help.

By: Ruth C

Ruth C — Thu, 12 May 2022 18:06:43 +0000

Kerry: you are a talented writer! I always enjoy reading your articles.

For this article, I had to chuckle at the statement: “It was one of those bags that you put in the microwave” and then the manager wanted to use corn. I could only picture the corn popping in the microwave!! Haha.

By: Carla B.

Carla B. — Wed, 11 May 2022 19:55:09 +0000

I like Kerry’s quote: “If it’s not worth doing, it’s certainly not worth doing well.”

This article reminded me of the learning from a Media Partners video, formerly CRM Learning: The Abilene Paradox, where no one speaks up and everyone just goes along only to find out that no one wanted to go along!

By: Kreg

Kreg — Wed, 11 May 2022 18:44:15 +0000

Interesting timing on this article. I read this just days after the conclusion of the Casey White / Vicky White “jail escape”. Casey didn’t escape – Vicky let him out. One of the news article I read about that said “She knew the booking officer wouldn’t question her – the assistant director – when she told her she was going to take him to court and drop him off with other employees.”

By: Bry

Bry — Wed, 11 May 2022 18:11:57 +0000

I once worked for a small business where a Man purchased the business from my employer. I worked in dispatch management. I had been there for years and knew the ins and outs of the company (I was the go to person though my work wasn’t valued).
No matter what I suggested, I was told I was wrong. This included the amount of money spent on stock, what stock was purchased, etc.
Other people got on his “good side” who weren’t competent at their jobs at all and were made management.
They walked all over him, would trample over my ideas and costed the company a lot of money such as paying from a supplier who charged double than a company I used and suggested prior. I overheard both managers talking and they chose that supplier “to prove a point”.
Eventually, I engaged in malicious compliance in every instance and lost a lot of drive and motivation.
This costed him a lot of money that he did not have. They turned a hard and loyal worker to the exact opposite.
I then got work in a completely different industry and I was paid triple the amount.
I got a call from the ex boss asking “if I had any regrets” for leaving?
I said to him, not really, I’m valued where I am and not paid peanuts for a wage.
He said the “management” who he appointed stated that they have a “new found respect for” me as they had to do the work/job I left.
It was great satisfying to hear that.
Eventually he saw through them as what he could have paid for one employee, he was paying for three.
Fast forward to now. The business no longer exists and he works in a situation he had me on 🤦‍♂️.

By: tom benzoni

tom benzoni — Wed, 11 May 2022 17:53:30 +0000

I’m an ER doc of 40 years. I’ve seen really dumb ideas eventually take down an organization. Interestingly, the leader who starts the problem often isn’t there to reap the “rewards.” Thus, learning does not take place. At one point in my career, I was working for an organization that valued “yes” above cognition. As I ascending, I noted 2 command structures, the “titular” (legal, had the $, signed documents, etc.) and actual (where people went with problems.)

My Dad was an engineer-turned-sailor (twin masted schooner, celestial navigation, all that.) I was talking to him over lunch on the banks of the Erie canal, explaining that, if I wanted to ascend the titular leadership, I’d have to be unethical, but the actual leadership got no (external/financial) recognition.

(Background: Channels for ships have markers as do highways. Red on one side, green on the other.)
He said: “We have a rule: red-right-return.” Then he moved the subject on.
It took me a few months to understand what he’d said:
First, you have to know rules and incorporate them. I.e., I need to form good ethics.
Then, you have to figure out where you’re going. If there’s a storm approaching and he wants to be in a safe port, he’d better know the rules of channel markers.
Finally, you have to decide.

So if you’re headed into port for a storm, keep the red buoys on your right (starboard.)
If the red buoys are on your left (port) you’re headed out to sea.
And if the buoys are going red-green, you’re headed for the rocks.

Application: if I have well-formed ethics, then it’s ok to not be on the same side of those with different ethics. I may not want to be in the camp with those whose ethics are problematic. Which is the topic of another diatribe.
Maybe Dad wasn’t so dumb after all.