Comments on: How to Respond to Public Criticism from a Coworker

By: SC

SC — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 04:16:13 +0000

I would ask privately the person offering public criticism if he/she prefers to also receive feedback publicly. Hope this raises an awareness of what he/she is doing.

By: Prashant

Prashant — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 17:40:21 +0000

There are so many similarities between this advice and the asian philosophy about how our own mind creates the positive/negative experiences. Life is 10% about what happens and 90% about how you react to it. I really appreciate that I stumbled on a book and blog that takes asian spiritualism to actual practice in day to day life.

By: JC

JC — Mon, 25 Mar 2019 17:50:22 +0000

I understand that we cannot control how other act or behave but we do have the ability (and control) on how to respond. However, being that this person is new to the company, I find it quite pretentious (or arrogant and rude) on his part to be criticizing a NEW coworker in a public forum and not think twice about it and in fact, ignore this person’s request (“I have taken him aside and asked that he share his criticisms in private yet he continues to do it.”) If I were in this person’s shoes, I would speak to my direct supervisor to see what can be done.

Since he is a new employee, he should still be on probation and this could be considered insubordination. You have given him fair and ample warning. Now it’s time to take it up a notch and start adverse actions if all other methods, including the Crucial Conversations Joseph Grenny suggested, fails.

By: Dan

Dan — Fri, 22 Mar 2019 15:23:31 +0000

In reply to Raymond.

I agree with the main thought of Raymond’s comment. It seems many of the other comments are based on the premise the co-worker has bad intentions or will never change. Escalating to HR or Management before having the Relationship Conversation skips steps.

I wrote this comment on March 20:
Is it possible the coworker actually has good ideas, a clumsy way to suggest them, and the first conversation didn’t include enough “process” for how to provide a suggestion in a constructive way? Maybe “Unwanted Advice” could ask the coworker to rephrase “…if I were you I would do …” into the phrase “…I have an idea related to this situation. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

I am in a work relationship with a person where I’ve had to be thoughtful about giving necessary input. While she is successful, she is known for not creating a climate for accepting other input. So I can see where the co-worker might have good intentions but a clumsy way to make a positive contribution.

This should be about maximizing the future possibilities (business results as well as the relationship) and not vanquishing the other person.

By: Raymond

Raymond — Fri, 22 Mar 2019 13:48:19 +0000

In reply to Carolyn’s post, I must respectfully disagree. While it may feel good to make snide and sarcastic remarks to put someone in their place, this is exactly the behavior that destroys relationships and shuts down dialogue. By doing so, we are plying right into the principle of “If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out.” Sarcastic comments are always moving to violence and away from dialogue. This ultimately triggers like responses in the receiver and they will move to either silence or violence, again away from dialogue. While they may ‘look’ busy, they will be disengaged and non-productive. Whenever we fail to recognize when a conversation has turned crucial and fail to step up to it, there is a cost. In this case there will be a cost in relationships and future productivity and probably others we may not even see coming.

There are so many good alternatives in this post, notwithstanding, the one proposed by Joseph Grenny. Before shutting the individual down, try to Start with Heart and thing about what it is that you really want. If you can do that, ask yourself if you are behaving like what you want and how you would behave if that is really what you want.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Fri, 22 Mar 2019 01:36:41 +0000

Sometimes, I think it’s good to redirect when someone doesn’t respect a simple request. It is interesting to me the coworker offering suggestions has time to do so. Perhaps, she could consider looking at him curiously and asking, “Don’t you have your own work to attend to?” If he responds no she could then comment, “Oh, I didn’t realize you were only part-time.” This, hopefully, will cause him to reflect that the staff might think he has too much time on his hands, too, so he better go back to his own desk and get look busy. If not and he continues talking, she should ignore him and just go on about her work.

By: Lois Bergstrom

Lois Bergstrom — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 18:17:41 +0000

After reading the article, I had to scroll back up to see if the person who asked the question was the supervisor of the critic. It appears that s/he is not. In that case, I largely agree with Joseph’s response. However, as Ed & Susan noted, since this is a workplace incident, there is the potential for this to be a human resources issue, particularly if the behavior continues unabated despite UA’s best efforts. Whether it is a “hostile workplace,” however, is entirely up to UA’s emotional response, of which s/he is in control.

By: Don S.

Don S. — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 19:10:57 +0000

In reply to Maria. I agree that all (younger and older) people should be held accountable. It's the method of shutting people down so that they are not allowed to be heard that doesn't work. Two wrongs don't make a right. I believe that the article that we are commenting on shows a way to hold people accountable while still encouraging open dialogue. There is a big difference.

By: Ed

Ed — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 18:48:46 +0000

As I read the article, my thoughts were in lock-step with Allison, I do appreciate Joseph’s comments and advice, but believe he omitted a very real potential response which would be…if the behavior is not curtailed after CC efforts by Unwanted Advice to cause that to happen, UA might have to make it about the coworker and involve the next level of management. UA might find out that management is aware of the situation and already is taking steps to bring it to an end. That said, however, UA eventually might have to make a decision to move on to the next opportunity, but at least it would be with dignity (notice, not pride…) intact and the knowledge that a sincere and responsible effort was made to bring about a result that would be beneficial for all the parties involved. Good luck UA, we hope for the best.

By: Laur

Laur — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 17:21:43 +0000

This is one of the best QandAs I’ve read. Thanks