Comments on: How to Forgive, Forget, and Move Forward https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/ VitalSmarts is now Crucial Learning Tue, 24 Mar 2015 14:35:47 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 By: David Maxfield https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3979 Tue, 24 Mar 2015 14:35:47 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3979 Bean: Thanks for your perspective. I agree that the statement I shared could come across as contrived or inflammatory. So much depends on the way it is delivered. If it feels fake to you, then it will be seen as fake by others. If it is true for you, then it’s likely to be seen as true. We are all pretty good at detecting insincerity. The higher-order rule needs to be, “stay frank, honest, respectful, and sincere.”

Darcy: I chose to fill in “mother” because I wanted to set up a situation where “ending the relationship” wouldn’t be the obvious solution. I wanted to put pressure on myself to come up with a strategy that wouldn’t have any easy outs, such as “find new friends” or “find another job”. Would you have filled in some other person?

]]> By: Darcy https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3978 Mon, 23 Mar 2015 19:51:07 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3978 David: I am curious why you decided to fill in the “mother” as the other person?

]]> By: bean q https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3977 Sun, 22 Mar 2015 08:30:56 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3977 “I know it’s your opinion, and I respect that. But I don’t think it’s who you really are. I know you as a loving person. When I hear you say something hurtful, I don’t see it as the real you.”
aside from seeming a little contrived, isn’t this rather inflammatory? it’s almost like, “you’re not acting like the you i want you to act like…” implying that “you should behave in a way that i think is appropriate to you” and/or “i only love certain parts of you.”

i think the natural consequence is more along the lines of “if you keep acting like that, i’m going to spend less time with you,” although this really doesn’t sidestep the core issue of how making discerning judgments about someone’s behavior and deciding not to witness or support it becomes so easily confused with hating some part of them…
i worry that on some level these two acts might be inextricable, which would make it hard not to be honest by saying something like, “i just think that behavior shouldn’t exist, adolf. please do us a favor and commit suicide if you intend on sustaining it any longer.”

]]> By: David Maxfield https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3976 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 16:56:18 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3976 Great comments! As for a workplace example… Let me pose a challenge: Imagine that the colleague or boss isn’t that ogre you’ve come to dislike. Instead, imagine him or her as your mother–with all the love, respect, and complexity that involves. This imagination game might cause you to examine him/her with greater insight and compassion.
Take a minute to watch Kerry’s video: The Gray Fedora. It makes the point better than I ever could:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uvn7XBnXwg

David

]]> By: joans https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3975 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 16:28:40 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3975 Yes, a workplace example would be very helpful – thank you for this family example, I can see immediate uses in my own family!

]]> By: vicktoria! https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3974 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:27:11 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3974 I agree with the above comment. How to facilitate people “letting go” of past hurts, especially with the power differential between a supervisor / or higher graded person and an very experienced field worker.

]]> By: pbirming59 https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3973 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:43:07 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3973 This is such a touch nut. Sometimes it is our own inability to let it go that keeps the negative feelings flowing. Modeling values is so important and puts the focus not on the other person but on the person you ultimately have control over.. Would love to see a workplace example on this topic.

]]> By: Clover https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-forgive-forget-and-move-forward/#comment-3972 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:00:30 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=5775#comment-3972 Thank you for your ‘work’. It continues to be very influential in my life. Thank You!

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