Comments on: Resolving a Sibling Rivalry

By: davidmaxfield

davidmaxfield — Thu, 15 Jun 2017 23:12:29 +0000

Okay, Greg. I agree. I prefer your phrasing, “every human deserves to be treated respectfully.” I was raised in the Quaker faith, a faith that has very few “beliefs” other than “there is a bit that’s good in every person.” When I was about 13 a group of us challenged the clerk of our meeting as to whether that was really true. We cited a number of notorious figures to make our point. Eventually, the clerk, who was a fairly renowned biologist, replied: “I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I choose to act as if it is.”

By: Greg

Greg — Thu, 15 Jun 2017 17:43:48 +0000

Love and benefit from Crucial Skills! I read every one!

This one has a line in it, however, that I either don’t understand or with which I disagree:

“Every human deserves respect”

I think every human deserves to be treated respectfully, but I don’t know what respect means if every human deserves respect. The brother you described – “Suppose your brother has a history of drug abuse, stealing from family members, and lying” – is not a person I would respect, nor would I have reason to feel I earned the respect of others if those behaviors described me.

By: Ruedi G

Ruedi G — Thu, 15 Jun 2017 01:36:29 +0000

Just a detail: apostrophes matter. Both the letter and the response mention the “parents’ will.” But only one parent died, so only one will (“the parent’s will” or “the father’s will”) matter at this point. The mother’s will would be a separate document. The content of the mother’s will may have become known to the siblings, but it is still subject to change at the mother’s discretion. I don’t know how that tidbit may affect family dynamics, but I suspect it would be an important factor to consider and deal with.

By: Monica.

Monica. — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 18:39:55 +0000

This brother’s behavior is probably why your father chose you and your sister instead. You owe your brother no explanation, since it was not your decision – you can’t speak for your father. However, it sounds like you may have to take steps to get a restraining order to protect your mother and yourselves from his violent behavior. Please see this for what it is – violence. And do whatever you need to do to protect your mom and yourselves.

By: Grizzly Bear Mom

Grizzly Bear Mom — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 17:17:15 +0000

I am so sorry that your family is experiencing this sitatuion. Dad and Mom could have picked you and sister simples because they wanted the oldest/youngest, male/female, whatever input. I agree that you and sister should ask for brother’s input. Perhaps you could have a monthly/quarterly/whatever meeting to discuss issues. I’m in a sitatuion where I need to give someone medical and financial power of attorney and am looking at my nieces and nephews. The nieces are all married with children and more involved in my life. They are going to be selected over a single person who didn’t have to juggle lots of issues.

By: Joe Stockton

Joe Stockton — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 13:49:10 +0000

Very WELL thought out!!

By: Sharon Campbell

Sharon Campbell — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 02:53:17 +0000

How your brother acts towards your mom’s medical team should be addressed. It is very detrimental to her care for them to be put in the middle of this drama.

It sounds as if he may feel guilty about something. Perhaps that can come out in the discussion. It also sounds like he may be feeling very left out and I hope you can all come to a resolution.

I’m so glad that I have the brother I have and we have had no strife over our parents’ care or estate. Good luck!