Comments on: More about Bert

By: Grizzly Bear Mom

Grizzly Bear Mom — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:17:18 +0000

I liked your afterstory. I too would have expected Bert to want to know what went in inside the classrooms, rather than the janitor’s closet. Now that I am old and wiser, when I realized the children were tired I would have sent them back to the car to rest, and given Bert another 15 minutes of tour.

By: Brian

Brian — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 17:28:04 +0000

You’re awesome, Kerry. Not only do you use personal and private experiences when teaching meaninful communication lessons, but you also have the patience and humility to apologize to the world when a few misunderstand your intentions in sharing those stories. Thank you for your guidance and example.

By: Athena

Athena — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:49:33 +0000

I do what Kerry did all the time without meaning to. I think we all do.
We get stuck in the bad habit of thinking irritating situations are an all or nothing, especially when we are already stretched to the limit.

In this situation, there were definitely ways to get a win/win solution with only a tiny bit of crucial conversation. A quick conversation to make sure everyone understand what “tour” meant to Grandpa might have led to Mom staying home with the kids and keeping their routine, while Dad took Grandpa on the tour. Maybe Grandma did not want to go either and would have enjoyed reading the bedtime book. As Kerry noted, there was opportunity to learn more about Grandpa’s life by accompanying him. This also may have created the perfect opportunity for Kerry to have the crucial conversation with Grandpa that would put a stop to the belittling behavior.

Today I’m going to picture in my mind marrying win/win thinking with crucial conversations and see if I can change my communication patterns up a bit to make life better.

By: Michael Cox

Michael Cox — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:43:15 +0000

Mr. Patterson, thank you for your Kerrying On articles which always impart a bit of wisdom through a very entertaining story. I understood the theme of “Bert’s Visit” and the lessons you wanted to impart, all while empathizing with a 20-something young man trying to do right by his wife, his kids, his grandmother, and Bert. This article was fine by me.
P.S. I use your “Wild Mushrooms” story when I teach Crucial Conversations as part of my closing comments and then encourage the students to get beyond “a high five and a rowdy cheer–just for trying” and to “want the mushrooms”. THX for consistently expressing the right priorities in life.

By: Brenda Haase

Brenda Haase — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:50:10 +0000

Bert sounds like a classic case of Asperger syndrome. He doesn’t read social cues well and when he is intersted in something, he is totally into it and doesn’t realize no one else is intersted. I have a son with Asperger and worry that he, like Bert, will be perceived in a negative light because people do not understand that they do not mean to be rude but are only acting as they are hardwired to act. They can change but it is a very difficult and arduous task for them and they will never be totally “normal” when it comes to social protocal. This story just reinforces to me how difficult his life will be because of this condition.

I also had a problem with the fact that even thought he wasn’t interested in what you were, neither were you interested in what he wanted to do and he was the guest. Your wife should have bowed out of the tour when it got to a point when she felt it was too much and taken the children home. Anyone including an Asperger person would have accepted her apologies and let her leave graciously. You could have gone along on his tour and at least acted interested. It is too bad that we “normal” people expect everyone to be interested in what we are but we aren’t willing to do the same for them.