Comments on: Recovering From an Outburst

By: Vitalsmarts India

Vitalsmarts India — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 09:12:02 +0000

These additional skills are perfect for conversations that seem resistant to dialogue skills alone.Priyanka

By: ron

ron — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:59:20 +0000

@Becky Bennett Becky, You make an insightful point. Your suggested opening is an improvement to the one I made. After the initial exchange would be a good time to explore their path or ask questions to see how they see things and better understand how your outburst affected them. Now is the time to apologize more specifically if needed and better determine where the relationship should go.

By: Marwa

Marwa — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:16:37 +0000

Dear sir, I really appreciate ur advice.. It gave a new prespective to the issue.. Thank you

By: Billy

Billy — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:37:47 +0000

I always like to use analogies in my Crucial Conversations. Yours was excellent and plan to expand on it. As always, I give credit where credit is due. Thnaks for this one.

By: SLCCOM

SLCCOM — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:46:59 +0000

@joebob How about spending some quality time with a therapist to find our why you are are getting so angry, Joebob? In many men, it is actually an expression of untreated depression. My father would have outbursts, and until the day he died I had a twinge of fear whenever we would be alone together. I never knew if I would be spending time with Daddy or a very irritable "father" who needed to be left alone. I also think some family therapy is in order unless you want your kids and spouse to be afraid of you for the rest of their lives.

By: SLCCOM

SLCCOM — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:40:47 +0000

I would be extremely surprised if the drunk dad actually only abused his children ONCE. While I think reframing the discussion is a good idea, I think he has a whole lot more than that one incident to answer for. Some family therapy would be a good idea here.

By: joebob

joebob — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:46:05 +0000

Good answer, I will apply it. I am prone to outbursts, but fear thankfully keeps from ever doing it at work. However, I am very prone with my kids and spouse. If I make a promise to my kids and then I fail, what the heck do you do then? I am really working hard at controlling these outbursts and I go for long periods until things build up. What then?

By: Mary Patterson

Mary Patterson — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:00:42 +0000

Ron,
Thank you for your answer. As a step-parent I am constantly looking for ways to improve my relationships with my children and family. I have a 24 year old who holds me accountable for all of the mistakes that his parents made before their divorce and since my marriage to his father. This advice you gave will help me redefine the boundaries of my relationships with all of my children and hopefully soon we will have peace at home. I am grateful for the chance to gain knowledge that I need to make my relationships stronger. Thank you for your input!

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:54:55 +0000

Right off the bat, the offender seeks to make himself feel better, by asking HER to forgive HIM. In my opinion, that is a very self serving approach. Your approach, ‘explore the apology’, indeed makes him accountable instead of expecting her to forgive and forget what happened!

By: Becky Bennett

Becky Bennett — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:06:31 +0000

It might also be worth exploring the apology – sometimes we aplogize for what we did but haven’t acknowledged the impact it had on the other person. ‘I am sorry i called you a yellow belly sap-sucker, that was rude and unprofessional” isn’t the same message as ‘i a sorry i called you a yellow belly sap-sucker, that was disrespectful and truly doesn’t reflect how i feel about you. i value your skills and our relationship, and that childish temper outburst does not represent how important you are to me.” In some cases the other person needs to express how the event felt (the impact it had on them) in order to create space to hear your apology.