Comments on: How to Share Your Feelings

By: Gebupoae

Gebupoae — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:22:20 +0000

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By: Pam Nichols

Pam Nichols — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 23:01:28 +0000

Thank you Ron for your willingness to publicly take a look and be accountable. I too am a student of NVC and Crucial Conversations. A test that often works for me is if I can interchange the words “I feel” with the words “I think” it is probably not a feeling, it’s a thought. Another test is that if you use a word that sounds like a feeling, but is something that must be done to you such as, “I feel alienated” (which unfortunately NVC has listed as a feeling word) it will also most likely be a thought. While these two tests may not be 100% they are very helpful tools.

By: Manfred

Manfred — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 01:54:47 +0000

We try quite often a rhetoric trick by putting the words “I feel…” in front of an verb.
insulted, disrespected, and accused are actually not feelings. Those are judgments regards actions someone else applied on us. This points back to the person and he might get defensive. Some call them Its called “Faux” Feelings.

Example:
insulted: Action: someone insulted you -> Feeling: your might feel angry, worried, miserable …

Rejected – Action: someone did reject you -> You might feel: Abandoned, belittled, neglected, ignored, invisible, isolated, invalidated, passed over, let down, left out, unwanted, undesired, unwelcomed, discriminated against, unappreciated, unheard, unseen, taken for granted, unsupported, forgotten, disregarded, shunned, unloved

Part of the problem is that some of us do not have the vocabulary to express feelings. See http://www.cnvc.org/node/176 if you like to refresh your vocabulary.

BTW: (I hope the author don’t mind) NVC is another (maybe complementary) way to improve your crucial communication skills. It adds empathy and getting connected to the map.

By: Brand Coetzee

Brand Coetzee — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:28:59 +0000

Ron
Respect – hats of in demonstrating to us – adding meaning to the pool – and not only accepting PUBLICLY the correction / advice / different opinion, but also right-now making and promising adjustments.
Bow-down – bow-down – bow-down 😉

By: Jane Benson

Jane Benson — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 00:06:29 +0000

Sigh……can we please stop with the “disrespected” – as of yet, it is not a word in the English dictionary although I agree, it is a word in the English language. It’s right up there with “I done that” etc. I realize this is way off topic and a personal pet peeve of mine. Good article by the way – just so you know that I wasn’t completely distracted.

By: Randy

Randy — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 18:32:03 +0000

Ron, I am not so sure that referring to your actions as “lazy” is best. It is a label, which is a lazy way to describe yourself 🙂 ; it seems a description would be more accurate and better communicationi. I notice that if I share how hard I am on myself, it may affect how safe others view me because they assume that if I am hard on myself, then I will be hard on them. (I hope my response, instead of showing your deficiency, will encourage you and your partners with how well your articles are training all of us.