This is not all the time but only when your spouse is emotionally charged. At other times it’s perfectly fine to go back and forth.

Glad you found it useful. Let me know how your experiments go.

Priming and I have grown closer over the years. I now have a better understanding of when and how to use it. While I used to believe that I had to nail their specific concern in order for prime to work, I’ve now come to realize that I can be more general in my inference and still be effective. It’s the difference between, “are you upset because of not getting the lead on the project?” and “are you upset with something at work?”

The key is steering clear of judgement in your inference. When curiosity is your driving motive, I’ve found that even when I’m a little or lot off, my partner feels that I’m trying to understand.

That’s an interesting idea, finding outlets throughout the day so when it comes time to interact with your spouse, you can focus on creating a bond. did you every try writing during that time? And if so, did it make any difference?

However, if you get the prime wrong – …”Do you think you’re feeling this way because of your mother?” – your husband is likely to feel frustrated, misunderstood, and simply shut down the conversation.

If you have a history of misunderstanding how your husband feels or is communicating about himself (not that it is your fault for misunderstanding), then I would keep your primes far more generic – …”why do you think that is?”… “isn’t that funny?”

I experienced this myself. When my husband was deployed to Japan one of the guys at work asked me if I was allowed to talk at home. I didn’t have anyone to talk to at home so perhaps I was talking their ears off at work.