While I agree that not all HIPO’s are bullies, it seems many bullies are HIPO’s, and they’ve learned to act that way because they’ve been rewarded for it. I specialize in coaching this very specific type of person, or abrasive leader, and they usually are well paid and highly valued.

People who are abrasive, are abrasive because they dislike and even fear incompetence. Any perceived incompetence in others causes them to lash out, due to the anxiety it causes them. And, of couse, they cause anxiety in others due to their behavior.

My coaching program is focused on helping the abrasive leader reduce anxiety in others, thereby reducing their own. It’s fascinating stuff.

This is a question to ask. All the indicators said yes, and in the end people who achieve results at the expense of others usually find that it eventually catches up with them.

In this case, I’ve been able to keep track of this leader and she’s continued to get better and better. This was partly due to the fact that she actively solicited feedback on the perceptions of her style from different key groups as she moved up and around during her career.

It really worked well for this leader…and has continued to serve her well to this day.

The process would actually be pretty similar. Whenever you are coaching someone one you need to help them see how their current behavior is helping or hindering. You help by making the invisible, visible. In other words, help them see connections between their current behavior and values and/or outcomes they already care about. How their behavior affects their ability to work with others, achieve buy in, impacts quality, etc. This requires some careful observation so that you are talking about specific behaviors rather than vague abstractions. you next need to identify the skills, or replacement behaviors to address any gaps around the presenting issue.

Having said that, I think most people are fearful that while attempting to do the above, they will will get the bully behavior. In these cases, I’ve found that calling out the behavior using specific observations and reinforcing your intent (think mutual purpose here) for addressing the issue in the first place have been really useful. And in some extreme cases where the behavior persists, politely ending the conversation or moving toward the formal discipline process.

The advice of adjusting the language and tentativeness of your speech is a successful strategy – especially for women who are navigating gender double-binds in an imperfect world.

Thank you. I just read this and was going to respond that using “bully” as a label for the behavior really creates a negative reaction. Why could this not be identified a communication style.