Comments on: Adjusting to Your In-Laws’ Communication Style

By: My Mother-in-Law Tried to Forbid My Family From Coming to See My Baby, and I Don’t Know What to Do | Goodpeoplemustknow

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 11:55:24 +0000

[…] you, she won’t notice. Of course, you both should talk about it pleasantly. Try to have an open dialogue about what irritates you and devise a strategy for resolving the issue and making advances for the […]

By: bean q

bean q — Tue, 12 Apr 2016 05:32:10 +0000

isn’t this what crucial skills are supposed to help with??
i think this is an issue of mastering her story. if indeed she had done so already, she wouldn’t need steve to come in and say her value hierarchy is different; she’d have discovered it on her own …which is why i keep referring to the materials here as part of an emotional education curriculum; they teach one how to first deal with one’s own issues, THEN maximize opportunities for successful communication with whomever.

By: bean q

bean q — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 03:45:53 +0000

In reply to Steve W.. sweeeet! i'm on it...

By: Steve W.

Steve W. — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 18:13:26 +0000

In reply to Steve W.. I haven't heard back from David, but in the mean time you might want to check out Robert Merton's work on Middle-range theories. He discusses how assumptions, values and other deep meaning affect our interactions.

By: Steve W.

Steve W. — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 22:32:53 +0000

In reply to bean q. Not sure what to recommend. I'll check with David M. to see if he has a recommendation.

By: Steve W.

Steve W. — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 22:30:42 +0000

In reply to Bill. Glad to hear you found it useful.

By: Steve W.

Steve W. — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 22:30:02 +0000

In reply to Scott. It's so interesting how small shifts such as the one you're suggesting make a big difference in the outcomes. I find that if I shift some it encourages others to do the same, and we're more likely to find a good conclusion.

By: Scott

Scott — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 15:23:19 +0000

Growing up my best friends father loved to challenge us in debate, I came to realize he didn’t necessarily support the opinion he put forth, he just wanted us to be able to defend a position. As I entered my early twenties and learned what he was doing I would ask him how he felt about a topic and then either adopt the same argument, or challenge his statements saying I don’t believe you really feel that way, you just want to know how I feel. He was an amazing man who I learned a lot from. Later When my friend got married his wife confided in me that she didn’t enjoy talking to her father in law because of this confrontational (never loud or argumentative) style. I told her how I learned to deal with him. A year or so later she thanked my and told me she now had developed a relationship with him that was extremely close and she now loved talking to him about anything. Healthy discussion & debate can be intellectually stimulating and in some cases bring people together rather that pull them apart.

By: Bill

Bill — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 19:59:45 +0000

Great counsel Steve! To add to it …

If I were the daughter-in-law, I’d make sure to talk with my husband about my desire to speak with his parents.. Hopefully we’d be on the same page about how to approach them. If that were not possible, at least he wouldn’t feel blindsided by what may well be a very difficult discussion.

Bill

By: bean q

bean q — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 05:39:13 +0000

steve w.,
i am LOVING that values hierarchy metaphor. it’s been less and less latent in my own psyche, but would you please point me toward where i can i read more explicitly about it??
thanks for for your efforts here!
bean