I agree that engagement would be a constructive step. Perhaps the nurse checking in and directing his attention to the patient– “do you need more water?” or some other of the thousands of things nurses do for their patients in the course of a shift. Once the care issue has been addressed, the nurse has demonstrated respectful interaction as the opener. Monica’s suggested remark afterwards seemed spot-on, and might follow nicely. I might even add, “this is a two-way effort: please make sure to call us on things that might make you uncomfortable–like if one of us forgets to wash our hands. Better communication results in better care.” Or something more eloquent than that…

Yes, I agree. We are way too sensitive these days. I’m amazed at how easily people are offended or how quick we are to believe the worst. This case in the hospital isn’t an example of that, but it seems that, thanks to Facebook and Twitter, people can be crucified within seconds of expressing a thought!

Our hospital is constantly working on issues like this. We understand we need to provide excellent care to all, but we ask for and expect respectful, civil behavior from each. Our employees do not have to endure violence at work without responding.

In addition to providing extra training to our leaders and our security folks about working through behavior issues with patients and family members, we have provided our staff with skills – depending on the situation – from the Anti-Defamation League:

6 Strategies to Respond to Acts of Bias and Prejudice
1. Assume good intent and explain the impact: I know you may mean well, but that hurts.
2. Ask a question: What do you mean?
3. Interrupt and redirect: Let’s not go there.
4. Broaden to a universal behavior: I think that applies to everyone.
5. Make it individual: Are you speaking of someone in particular?
6. Say, “Ouch!”: (‘ouch’ and educate, time permitting).

I will say an additional thing. Those who are in the groups that society’s actions deem as the superior place usually have very little understanding of the continuous, life-long, and often unspoken grinding that bias, bigotry, and intolerance places on those subjected to it. If you are not the target, it is invisible to you. If you are subjected to it, it either colors or blanches nearly every interaction you have.

In addition to providing extra training to our leaders and our security folks about working through behavior issues with patients and family members, we have provided our staff with skills – depending on the situation – from the Anti-Defamation League:

6 Strategies to Respond to Acts of Bias and Prejudice
1. Assume good intent and explain the impact: I know you may mean well, but that hurts.
2. Ask a question: What do you mean?
3. Interrupt and redirect: Let’s not go there.
4. Broaden to a universal behavior: I think that applies to everyone.
5. Make it individual: Are you speaking of someone in particular?
6. Say, “Ouch!”: (‘ouch’ and educate, time permitting).

I will say an additional thing. Those who are in the groups that society’s actions deem as the superior place usually have very little understanding of the continuous, life-long, and often unspoken grinding that bias, bigotry, and intolerance places on those subjected to it. If you are not the target, it is invisible to you. If you are subjected to it, it either colors or blanches nearly every interaction you have.

I am caucasian. David’s response didn’t sit well with me either. I like Monica’s suggestion. If there was concern that the patients might be stressed by the nurse’s intervention, she could wait ’til the offending visitor left the room. (But I understand nurses don’t usually have that kind of time.)

This won’t prevent me from continuing to follow and learn from Crucial Skills, but in the interest of sharing ‘candidly and respectfully’ I wanted to weigh in on this one.

Yes, I agree. I always like it when there are a lot of comments. It’s how I learn. When it comes to interpersonal skills, there is no repository of “right answers.” My father used to say these were skills you, “learn at your mother’s knee or some other low joint.” You all are a very valuable source of learning for me.