Comments on: Gaining Acceptance

By: Ralph

Ralph — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 16:29:43 +0000

What exactly does “…she has never accepted me for who I am” mean? Perhaps there is a mother-in-law who is frustrated at the same thing. Are you open and embracing of her? Are you defensive when she asks questions, etc. – or were you at the beginning? It might be that if you are honest you can find ways you contributed to the current situation and that it is a shared problem, rather than just a mother-in-law-run-amok problem. If that is the case, you can add that into the conversation. Apologize for your part – remember your perspective is not the only valid one in any relationship.

By: Michele

Michele — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 11:26:23 +0000

I also have a MIL who doesn’t not want anything to do with both of us. It’s been over 3 years and she hasn’t spoken to my husband. We have both tried to reach out but she just doesn’t want to even try. We have been together for 23 years. Sometimes you just have to walk away. It’s not health to be in that kind of position. Some things just can not be fixed. You can’t make someone like you. You can have all the conversations in the world but if someone doesn’t like you, it’s not going to matter.

By: Ruth Nemzoff

Ruth Nemzoff — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 00:47:15 +0000

Set goals for yourself that focuses on your own behavior, not your in-law’s. With continued vigilance, many a family has healed their rifts as new family members enter and old ones die. Give peace a chance by creating a foundation on which to build a future. A healthy dose of ignoring some behaviors, choosing not to be annoyed and continuing to embrace any small invitation might eventually heal an unpleasant relationship. You do not need to constantly put yourself in hurt’s way; neither should you escalate the problems. Ruth Nemzoff, Ed.D.
Author and Speaker: Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children (Palgrave/Macmillan, 2008)
Don’t Roll Your Eyes: Making In-Laws Into Family (Palgrave/Macmillan, 2012) http://www.ruthnemzoff.com

By: Jeff Kelly

Jeff Kelly — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 23:26:35 +0000

This situation could be too big a gap to traverse by yourself perhaps you could enlist the help of someone your MIL respects perhaps the head of her Church or a close friend. I am not suggesting they should fix the problem for you just knowing the genesis of the problem might help you in resolving it or in working out an approach that might allow you to commence a dialogue. The trusted friend might at least be able to persuade your MIL to listen with an open mind and an open heart.

By: SLCCOM

SLCCOM — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 18:28:37 +0000

I would be very concerned about this situation. Your MIL sounds like she may well not be a good person to have in your child’s life, or yours. She sounds very much like she is mentally ill, not about to get help, and while it is worth giving it a shot in case she is reachable, I would disagree that you should keep trying. Banging your head against a wall only feels good when you stop.