Comments on: Confronting Destructive and Manipulative Behavior

By: Rosie

Rosie — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 17:46:21 +0000

Dear uncertain
I am new to this newsletter today, and I am impressed with the content. Do we have the same sister?
I have lived with this type of Manipulative behavior for over 50 years. Unfortunately I have become very cold to my sisters behavior. I can tell within the first few minute of a phone conversation that she has not taken her medication, and is spinning out of control.
If I begin to question her about what is going on, she starts to put me on a guilt trip. with statements of “you don’t care”, or “how could you”. I have even asked her to hold off on her suicide thoughts until I finish my dinner, and I will come to your home. It worked. Thank goodness Please don’t judge me on how I handle her, as this is the only thing I have found helps. Please don’t try this on your own, as the results you receive may not be the same as mine. These behaviors have affected myself, and my family for years, not only with my sister, but with my father.
My father would never admit to having problems, he just Manipulated people his whole life. I cannot be sympathlic any longer and this is something that affects me, and I know I should be compassionate, but it will wear on a person. So my only solution is to keep my distance. I hope this was okay to post here. It sure felt good to be able to voice my really feelings, and not be judged.
Signed
Over it

By: Carol Brush

Carol Brush — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 13:55:29 +0000

I am VERY impressed with how Joseph addressed this issue. Most authors would run screaming from addressing such a painful problem, or at a minimum, advise professional counseling for both “Uncertain” and her sister. Kudos for separating the potential chemical/neurological issues from behavior, and then offering suggestions for dealing with behavior.

By: Sad Sister

Sad Sister — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:29:28 +0000

This article on Confronting Destructive and Manipulative Behavior was good for me to read. I have an alcoholic/drug-using brother who is literally homeless. A choice he made. Was living with us for a time, but “broke the rules” so we had to have him leave and go back to the streets. Thought I could help him change. Thanksgiving morning we received a call from him. He was getting stitches at a county hospital because he was jumped on the street. He wanted a ride back to his “area” of town. Hardest thing in the world for me to say no. Told him I loved him and that I’d be willing to take him for a mental health assessment the next day, but I would not come and pick him up. It is now the middle of January and I have neither heard from him nor been able to find him in his typical hangouts. I struggle that by not helping him that day he has determined that nobody really cares about him, so he won’t attempt to change. But, the other side of me says that by NOT running to pick him up, he has had to live with his abusive choices and will have to determine when HE is ready to change.