Comments on: Melting a Cold Shoulder

By: Thuli

Thuli — Mon, 06 Nov 2017 08:26:53 +0000

I have being going through this for eleven years . I told myself that I only came here to work not for friendship. I didn’t want to waste my energy for people who does not care about me there many people who cares about me.

By: Desislava Rusekova

Desislava Rusekova — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 00:09:49 +0000

I looked at so many cases, so I can’t keep in sicret my own one. Recently, I have not been invited to attend a meeting, instead me the company select someone else with less experience in the business we do. I really want to leave my job since then…However I did not want to attend the meeting but it is too rude even to do not ask.

By: Kelly Roman Krause

Kelly Roman Krause — Fri, 26 May 2017 01:27:50 +0000

Wow! Well, if I was looking for company I’ve found it! There are a lot of us out here experiencing this type of non-verbal bullying. I too am experiencing it at my workplace. I’m a teacher, and we had a large number of people who retired last year including a colleague of mine who I got along well with. Another colleague who had been there for about 3 years before she retired worked with us and was giving me the cold shoulder. I think it may have been because I took a position in our building that he coveted – that was with another team of teachers. I moved up to another grade level for a year (with that team), and then back down to the one I had been at before where he was also teaching. That’s when I started getting the cold shoulder, and even some direct confrontation. I wasn’t as affected by it last year, but after my colleague retired, two new people came in, one a woman who really “connected” with him. I could tell he was looking for a way to box me out with both of them, but he only succeeded with her. The other guy, a younger fellow, was very kind and respectful to me (I’m 56 to his 28) and still is. Unfortunately he’s too new (and maybe too young) to see what’s happening. I have tried talking to the (cold-shouldering) male colleague and also have written him a letter – all very complimentary. I’m not an aggressive or assertive person – more of an introvert. At first it seemed as if it helped, but then things just rolled back to where they were to begin with. Now the new woman is doing it too – obviously really looking to impress him. When we team together, she focuses on him, and my younger nicer, colleague. Neither of the cold-shoulder team look at me when they are talking to each other – or if they do, it’s for a second or two. He doesn’t smile when he talks to me, and only discusses work related topics. She has been hot and cold, mostly cold. I did try to approach her about it, against my better judgement, and the expected occured. She denied any discomfort with me. Later I’m pretty sure I caught the tail end of a conversation about me (with him), and confronted her on that as well. She said the conversation wasn’t about me, but for the next two days, she was almost nice. I am currently trying to move to a different grade level because a new job is just too hard at my age and life stage. I totally understand what a stressful thing something like this is now! I would NEVER tell my supervisors. After 30 years of teaching, I know that they would just wonder if it was ME that was the problem. It’s not worth it. I meet with a counselor for 4 weeks to try to figure out how to deal with this, and am trying everything to reduce anxiety, but I have never experienced anything like this in all of the years I’ve spent teaching. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had people who have been cool towards me, but either I didn’t have to work directly with them, or it blew over and wasn’t a problem. THIS has been totally different.

By: Diane

Diane — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 18:52:45 +0000

In reply to Shana.

Hi Shana,
I consulted a labour lawyer. We had 30 minutes to chat. The bottom line is/was: “you still have a job?” “then, “no harm done”.

However, as a federal employee, I am at the mercy of federal policy and cannot avail myself of any stronger, provincial labour laws.

By: JPMcFluffies

JPMcFluffies — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 00:19:19 +0000

In reply to Bob. Thank you, this was great!!

By: JPMcFluffies

JPMcFluffies — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 00:10:40 +0000

In reply to Jane. Ha!! That is great. I need to do the same thing!! Kudos!

By: Victoria

Victoria — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 00:17:32 +0000

In reply to Bobbie. Maybe i will try this too until i found a new job just that i really love what I'm doing so frustrating to deal with these annoying coworkers

By: Victoria

Victoria — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 00:13:30 +0000

In reply to Chimney. You're right case to case basis I tried the strategy of talking to an obnoxious coworker as calmly as i could be but it didn't work and it depends with what kind of character a person may have cold shoulder and not talking or less talk would be the best option before quitting the job

By: Victoria

Victoria — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 00:04:58 +0000

In reply to des. Good for you in our work situation the one giving the cold shoulder is very close to the bosses even showers them with gifts and they have their own click group the bosses are insensitive not thinking what others may feel with all these favoritism going around

By: Victoria

Victoria — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 23:54:58 +0000

I’m experiencing this right now, just started working in a company 4mos ago and learnt from a couple coworkers that there’s a click group and favoritism going around. One of the click group is giving me a cold shoulder he talks and chats to everyone but me, was ok him doing that to me but 2 of my coworkers observed he treats me differently and he’s being rude to me i thought twas just me and i let it go don’t want to assume anything but when coworkers told me bout their observations pretty clear he hates me he doesn’t talk to me unless work related but no eye contact and his tone is harsh i tried talking to him to check if we have a problem he denied i thought we were ok but his behaviour still rude i decided to talk to him again due to a situation he talked to me as if he’s the boss he got irritated and telling me i made him uncomfortable and he doesn’t appreciate me coming to him asking if what’s the problem I’d like to escalate this to our bosses but both closed to him because he gives them gifts and they are among the click group outcasting the rest of us am kinda like my work but this is a predicament for me and i also learnt he was the cause of somebodys being fired before.. he comes to work late takes lunch over the required time and chatting more than doing his job. Am not homophobic but he his gay I’ve gay friends they are all awesome and i love them but not this one not sure what to do..so hard to look for a job nowadays