Comments on: Rethinking an Open-Door Policy

By: Sympathetic Sufferer

Sympathetic Sufferer — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 20:53:28 +0000

The above advice is sage and indeed highly valuable. I am a huge advocate of accountability and agree with holding the coworker accountable. I have had a very similar problem in the past and found myself in the position of not only resetting expectations, but also redefining boundaries. In my situation I broached the subject by first acknowledging my own accountability by identifying my role in how the situation had escalated to the point of necessitating a crucial conversation.
I will use the name “Sally” to reference the coworker in my situation. I broached my crucial conversation with her, by first saying, “Sally, I think I have somehow led you astray or given you mixed signals along the way.” Sally of course knew nothing of what I was talking about, so I went on by adding, “Somehow I have let you think I have lots of free time to chat or gossip, when in fact I really don’t. As well, I have never told you that I really disagree with office gossip. By not being honest with you, I have given you the impression it is OK to vent to me about things that frustrate you. Also, if I had been more forthright you, you would not have allowed yourself to place yourself in the position of breaking office policy and even confidentiality. This could lead to disciplinary action against you, so I think the time has come for me be honest with you and ask you not to stand in my office door and vent about your frustrations.”
I went to apologize to Sally by saying, “Sally I also owe you an apology. I should have been honest with you long before now, long before this could become a problem. If I had been honest with you the first time I had this concern, this situation would not have worsened to the point of becoming a problem or worse getting a reprimand from management. So I apologize for not being up front with you for so long”.
Sally of course was taken back as she had no idea how I had been feeling. Because I had not accused Sally of being disrespectful and disruptive, she did not feel blamed. My accountability for my part in the situation opened the door for Sally to be receptive to having a crucial conversation. We then embarked on our crucial conversation wherein we reset expectations and redefined boundaries. We also explored alternate avenues for her to express her frustrations with her job. The result was a much quieter and professional work environment, enhanced by a far greater degree of mutual respect with no one risking transgressing boundaries.

By: HRCohen

HRCohen — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:39:53 +0000

I wonder if this coworker thinks you are helping her fight ‘a good fight ‘. If so,it is important to her well being that she understand when you agree and when you disagree. She may be seeking a reality check. If not she will soon list you among her enemies, problem solved. But do not engage in arguments. Just listen,remark,, and politely close the conversation.

If you enjoy dishing the dirt, save it for lunch, offsite, or before work when she has had a night’s reflection and an opportunity to forget. I’m sure there are many practical reasons that may be used to avoid giving her attention.

By: VTAM

VTAM — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 14:22:48 +0000

I appreciate the advice in this article. The emotional rollercoaster of dealing with the large personality of a coworker who exhibits the referred to behaviors has been difficult. Even after attending Crucial Conversations training, finding the best way to address the issues is worrisome to me at times.

By: grizzly bear mom

grizzly bear mom — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 13:54:07 +0000

The above is great advice. I also established office hours when I, I, I, made MYSELF available. Put a green one up when you are (such as when you are eating your lunch if that is the time that YOU make yourself available). Put a red stop sign on the door when you are unavailable. If your coworker comes in say I was just going to call customer Smith or work on the accounting report. Can we discuss this at 12:00 or 2:00. Which is better for you. Repeat as necessary.

By: Ellen Mitchell

Ellen Mitchell — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 13:29:07 +0000

Gosh, you give good advice. I enjoy reading your regular columns, which are full of practical wisdom and strategies that really will work. Thanks for adding value to our office and personal lives!