Comments on: Confronting a Coworker's Temper Tantrums

By: 4 Cringe-Worthy Career Moments (And What I Learned) | Online Sales Guide Tips

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By: Confronting Destructive and Manipulative Behavior | CURTIS HAMILTON

Confronting Destructive and Manipulative Behavior | CURTIS HAMILTON — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 14:53:09 +0000

[…] Confronting a Coworker’s Temper Tantrums […]

By: sara fares

sara fares — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 20:39:13 +0000

I have a very similar experience where I work,yet my supervisor has figured out when she can have a temper tantrum. She only does it to subordinates and then goes crying to management and peers after SHE blows up. She has type 1 diabetes and I used to excuse her behavior as side affect but she definitely never blows up at higher management,only underlings. She acts very cordial to peers and upper management,including HR. She has been with this major international retailer for close to 20 years,so she knows how to get away with it. even though our company has an “Open Door” policy, it really does not exist,there is management peers and underlings who have to put up with overbearing supervisors or leave. I have taken a vow not to let her temper tantrums ruin my day,but I don’t excuse them as purely a medical side affect anymore.

By: prefer anonymous

prefer anonymous — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:12:26 +0000

@Wendy And yet many behaviorists will tell you "form, storm, and norm" is a recurring theme for any team. Teams change in composition. Opinions change. Objectives change. Although "storming" needs to be managed to get to the norm, putting the responsibility on one team member minimizes the roles other team members play. Those roles may reflect "button pushing" or instigating behaviors, negative actions with consequences, or neglected positive actions with rewards.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 19:36:01 +0000

I was surprised by the ‘enabler’ comment but after reading your entire response I can see that angle. Temper tantrums are a childish behavior and I might have responded to a co-worker such as this by saying something like, “While I respect your knowledge and ability, we need to function as a team. This is not a team environment right now. When you are ready to discuss this calmly, come see me/us.” And then I would walk away. Is that too harsh or unproductive?

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 12:46:22 +0000

Your strategy seems very wise, Joseph, although I’m concerned that the language about “i’m ashamed… we’ve let this go on so long, that’s our fault” is too strong. A person with this much of a social deficit is only going to hear that someone else deserves blame/shame for their own behavior. I’d suggest: “We’ve let this go on for a long time without saying anything and it’s time to speak up. We want a better relationship with you than the one we’ve had. We respect your ability and the contributions you make (insert specifics here if possible), and we want to be a strong team. That can’t happen until we know we can count on you not to lose your temper.”

By: prefer anonymous

prefer anonymous — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 01:39:32 +0000

@Joseph Grenny Well, we try. However, what would "A Passion for Excellence" have been without the passion. It is sometimes our passions to excel that light the conflagration. Exasperation with our own failures precedes our exasperation with others.

By: Lucinda Johnstone

Lucinda Johnstone — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 01:19:52 +0000

I love your answers. I agree with some other respondents that the individual with the tantrums might have other problems such as ADD/ADHD, bipolar disorder, impulse control issues, codependency issues, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and/or borderline personality symptoms. She needs to be evaluated by a counselor or therapist who specializes in mood and personality disorders or have a psychological evaluation. All are issues that need therapy (I suggest Schema Therapy, DBT, CBT, or REBT) and possibly medication either temporarily or long-term.

By: prefer anonymous

prefer anonymous — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 01:12:17 +0000

@VL Thank you but my thyroid is fine. Conversely, I suffer mildly from Crohn's disease, which may have influenced my earlier life. I didn't mean to imply that ativan is my sole psychopharmaceutical, btw.