Hello!
I just read your story and can’t believe how crazy and irrational some people are in this world. The question is what do we do about it? What’s the best way to handle it? I guess if there is a definite answer a world peace would actually exist.

I too had an incident today that made me think about it over and over again in my head.

I was heading to my car in a mall parking lot and decided to push a stroller in between two cars feeling confident I can pass through without bumping into anything. As I was passing all of sudden I heard a lady saying “don’t f**** hit my car!” She was sitting inside the car watching my every move. Of course that lady bothered me but I focused on passing through that narrow path And didn’t touch any cars. All of sudden the lady came out of her car and started yelling. “You could’ve scratched my expensive car!!!” At that time my mom and I were changing my sons diaper in the back of a mini van. We were shocked. My mom got upset and yelled back “anyways we didn’t touch your car!” Then the lady yelled “you guys have a s***ty car that’s why you don’t care…you are rude!” My mom fired back then decided to turn away and the lady watched us drive off making sure we don’t do anything to her car.
Mom asked me why I didn’t confront the lady with her. It’s not that I don’t know how I just didn’t want to escalate things especially when we are with a baby. But at the same time I didn’t want my mom to think I was a wimp.

So what’s the right thing to do in this situation? How do I teach my child what to do in those situations? Is silence the only key to all run ins? Why are people so mean and superficial in this world? Might add racist?

When ready to check out at the market, I looked ahead to see what lanes were available, seeing an express lane that had a limit of 15 items. I counted mine to be 11. My friend was with me and went thru first with his couple items. While my purchases were being scanned, I noticed the customer behind me with a few items. I ran my store card through and was preparing to pay, while the checker packed my bags. She had missed an added discount from a rain-check, which she then took care of and handed me some change.

Sometime during the transaction, I could tell the customer behind me was becoming noticeably antsy, but I did not say anything and was almost done. (It has made me uncomfortable if ever in these lanes, because It seems those with fewer items believe the lane is “just for them” and can appear resentful). I normally don’t use that lane, usually purchasing more than that and have at times had customers go ahead of me, if at the right moment.

As we concluded and my friend and I got to my car on the side of the building, I suddenly heard a car pulling around behind me, then hearing all sorts of verbal insults spewing from this guy who had been behind me. I was shocked.. I cannot repeat all he was shouting, but was clearly offended that I had “used the Express lane”. ? What he did not realize was there being a 15 item limit and my having less than that, but maybe it wouldn’t have mattered to him, since he was having to wait – maybe 4-5 minutes.

He circled around again, one insult being an “Effin-moron.. it’s called the express lane, stupid a_____! ” And that I was “the type of person who makes things difficut for everyone in the world!” (Oh, yeah… that’s me). Anyway, he was so hostile that I was glad my male friend was with me.. who knows if he would have otherwise approached me. I just finished and set my cart aside, ignoring him. It did affect me to be addressed in this way and something I am unaccustomed to. This has never occurred in my life and I think most people having public dealings are pleasant, including me. What I cannot believe is how someone can react so severely to something so minor. (Too bad he had not entered the lane before me!)

Now I feel I will avoid the express lane due to this, even if having 7 items, because if more than one or two.. you never know. Just to say, it seems there are two types of shoppers – those who are buying for meal planning and those who run in for “flowers and wine” for example. Even when they are in unlimited checkout lanes, those with few items appear so disgusted at other shoppers and I will feel apologetic, even if I don’t need to be. (I recall a guy I knew some years ago who expressed his disdain at those writing checks, yet that is how many paid then, explaining that I did too and that women usually make a bigger shopping trip).

I don’t know, but I am a pretty open and patient person and know we all have to wait at times, waving others ahead in traffic, being courteous — but I suppose some didn’t get the memo.

Incidents like this are difficult to hear about. I just want to say, that it seems those who consider themselves to be so “American”, can be the least so in their tone and behavior. It was not even necessary to bring up and in the effort to “prove a point”, he became a lesser being, though ones like this appear to have the belief that they are superior.

It’s humiliating and cannot blame how the poster felt. (I know this was some time ago, but just to address).

> Some people are looking to be offended. The audacity
> of your mere existance will supply their need.

Very, very, VERY well put. Damn, how I wish I’d said that. I really wish I’d said that ; it was VERY well put. Did I mention how I wish I’d said it ? And how well put it was ?

A sane and normal person assumes that random, unprovoked hostility is equal to bad behaviour and is the fault of the author of that hostility.. It is therefore illogical and unreasonable to ask the victim of that hostility to assume best intentions.

Hey Mark, I just read your comment and can completely understand how you feel. That person was unnecessarily rude and when those words are said in front of both other people and your son that’s on an even higher level of incivility.

I think a kind assertiveness would have been a good reaction. Such as “I apologize I forgot to remove my cap; however my Americanness is my own concern so please stop hollering this way.” I think it’s important to recognize his concern but also politely reject him from commenting anymore. It sounds like this guy would likely also try to get the last word, but I’d imagine you should just look back make eye contact in a firm but NOT rude way to assert yourself.

Nagging self-doubt in the back of your head that won’t go away? Physical symptoms of anxiety and stress? Short-temperedness that blurts out unexpectedly or perhaps involuntarily towards innocent people?

It seems like pretending that these types of consequences won’t happen to you after you walk away from a confrontation is just begging for them to happen.