That said, I’m thinking you may have missed an opportunity to tie in several of the other CC skills with this example, e.g., mutual purpose/mutual respect (OK, maybe a stretch for Bert but the swallowed eight year old is probably a separate CC), contrasting, and using STATE skills to address Bert. Something like, “Bert when you suggested we tour the campus, I had in mind a family walk around the lovely grounds, pointing out the highlights of the campus and giving the little ones an opportunity to expend some extra energy before bedtime. Since we got here, you seem interested in learning more about how the custodial crew operates and touring the inside of the buildings. AS a matter of fact, we haven’t left this janitor’s closet for over one hour(or whatever fact is relevant). I can see where that would be interesting to you with your past career and I’d like to give you an opportunity to spend more time doing just that. Am I correct that you would like to learn more about the custodial aspects of the campus?”

“I don’t want to rain on your parade, however, I do want to be certain that the children are safe and entertained, as well. Since we arrived in this building, (child 1) has come into contact with poisonous substances and (child 2) has lost her binky under heavy equipment. My thought is that the children are too small to appreciate what we are doing and it is perhaps unresaonable to expect them to be able to control themselves with all of the cool and poisonous stuff around.”

“I’m thinking this might be a better tour for you and I to take without the children. Would you agree that just you and I come back at a better time?”

That’s my input. As always, it is always easy to critique others and I continue to seek opportunities to learn how to address my often most difficult audience – my family – when using the CC skills. Thanks for the feedback loop as it provides more examples of how we can tap into the knowledge and experiences of others to hone our own skills.

I’m a big fan, but have to say that though you pulled out before crashing and burning, you were none-the-less heading for the wall on this one. You start by showing Bert’s insensitivity through his crass comments about your weight, point taken. Then you go on to talk about how you hoped for “a pleasant tour of the campus—one where we would putt along amicably while discussing the university’s architecture, history, and curriculum”. Where was your sensitivity that this clearly less educated man may not find discussing the university’s architecture and history very stimulating? Apparently it took an hour or so (and much ranking on you) for you to see his viewpoint. You say “the issue here wasn’t Bert’s quirkiness, it was his insensitivity”, but I’d challenge you to consider your part in this problem. First, recognize his needs, second suggest that you would be more than happy to give him the “sanitation tour”, but first let’s drop off the kids and possibly the wives and we can do a guys day out… or tell him no and not kvetch about it later. As a reader, I never felt that you understood his viewpoint as being valid, just different.

Regards,
Charlie