Comments on: Offering Advice Without Causing Offense https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/ VitalSmarts is now Crucial Learning Mon, 06 Feb 2012 09:44:16 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 By: Martiene https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2101 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 09:44:16 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2101 Hello to you all,

I am reading the newsletter in Holland every week and again I am very happy with the start question from ‘trying to help’ and the great answer form Joseph. I can also see what I can do better as a HRM Advisor. I tend to forget the respect for that what works, because I assume everybody is already aware of that. So I skip that part and dive immediately into the possibilities of change. And then I think ‘hey, where are the others?’. So, thanks again, I will practise and learn in order to improve this skill.

Best regards, Martiene

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By: Illysa Izenberg https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2100 Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:44:13 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2100 @Elizabeth Richards
Hi Elizabeth,

You have a great idea here — if you want people to commit to a change effort, they need experiences, not lectures. Role playing exercises may be good, but take care to ensure they’re well-designed before and well-briefed afterward or they can cause more problems.

One thing I’d suggest is that people need to both experience the reasons behind the change effort and the effects of the change effort — they need to feel pain in the status quo to want to change, and they need to feel relief in the new state to want that change to lead there.

May I recommend you set up some small, low-risk experiments with the change effort you seek — choose things that are likely to show positive results quickly. Research shows that early wins can help a team become motivated toward a goal.

In your case, you are thinking of expanding geographically. There are many small ways to do this that don’t require the opening of a field office, which can seem like too much of an investment of money and time right now. Options include: partnering with an organization in the location in which you are interested to do some small amount of the work you do; hiring contractors in that location; opening a small sales satellite office there; licensing an existing product and using your own sales structure to sell it; and more.

While you are putting your toes in these geographic waters, you may want to acquire technology that will enable your team to feel close to the operations that will be now far away, such as online meeting tools and web-based information-management systems. Be sure to create pages for staff interaction, such as “who we are” pages with pictures, birth dates, etc. These help with the “I can’t walk next door” issues as people see their colleagues as real people; feelings upon which trust can build.

Just some ideas; hope they help.

Best of luck,
Illysa

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By: Heather https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2099 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:25:14 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2099 I found the advice in Influencers about “Motivational Interviewing” helpful. The model is used most often in the health professions now but I think it can help in almost any realm where you’re trying to motivate other people and see what their level of commitment is.

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By: editor https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2098 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:37:40 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2098 @Elizabeth, that’s a great question! If you’d like to submit your question to be answered in the newsletter, please visit vitalsmarts.com/askanexpert.aspx.

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By: Elizabeth Richards https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2097 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:15:20 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2097 I’m in an organization that faces the need to change. I’m a strong believer that experience is overwhelmingly more effective than blah, blah, blah, but I have a better sense of how to do that one-on-one than I do at an organization level. What approaches have you used to help people accept the change through experience?

For example, the need to expand geographically in order to take advantage of other job markets. There’s fear that this means the old location is going to be closed. Probably a feeling of loss of control, no longer being “top dog.” A resistance to the change in the work environment. Communicating via electrons vs. walking next door is hard. The sense of community changes. Hard stuff.

I keep imagining massive role-playing exercises….Any thoughts?

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By: Carrie Gallant https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2096 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:19:03 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2096 Great article! I agree with everything, and with Kit’s comment about the client owning the decision. As consultant, I see my #1 job is to influence the client to achieve the overall results they want to achieve. It’s up to them to implement, take action on their decisions. And I can help by influencing that process as well. I find questions are my most powerful tool here; when the client comes up with the answer themselves. they are much more likely to own the decision and implementation process.

One thing I would add to the notion of not overwhelming the client with a huge list of things to do, is to help them identify (recommend, collaboratively identify, etc.) the key step or steps they can implement first. I find it especially helpful to ask: what’s the one thing you can do right now that will make the biggest difference (and ideally leverage implementation of the other key steps). The faster they can see a result at the outset the better, and this creates momentum to move forward with the other steps.

My two cents.

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By: Rich S https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2095 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:08:14 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2095 This is a “Mission Critical” issue. You, as a change agent must access if the client really desires change or merely wants to do a program to appease the discontent. They can say they tried it and “in our organization, it just did not work.” Therefore status quo will be retained. Anytime you endeavor to bring change and leverage a competitive advantage, you are in a project. Working with several people, with different goals and viewpoints to create a new way to do something.

If this is true, then effective Project Management skills are required. Most projects fail because no clear, measurable outcomes and exclusions are captured upfront in a document. This must be signed by the top level decision maker and any changes must be OK’d. With this, a clear direction and filter now exist for implementation. It is a document, not you or the resistant employee that is in charge. Take it up to the signing person for a decision if needed.

As the project proceeds, discoveries are made and the document may need to be modified and resigned. In the end, the outcomes can be measured and compared to the expectations.

I have found that this approach upfront, will separate those who want and expect change from those who have hidden objectives. We do not go forward when we can not establish clear measurable outcomes. There is an underlying Story, the Real Story (Crucial Conversations) below the surface. Much success.

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By: Kit https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2094 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:29:27 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2094 I have a different perspective on consultants (I am one) and other professionals whose jobs are to give advice. I say this same thing to my lawyer, CPA, and doctor.
I pay them for their advice, not to make my decisions for me. Given their areas of expertise, they will have more knowledge and a different perspective on my challenge at hand. I pay them for that advice because armed with it along with other information, I am then able to make a better decision than I could on my own. But, and this is a big but, they should not be offended or frustrated if my final decision does not go the same way they advised. Each is my advisor, not my manager, and I pay them to assist me, not to direct me.

The same can be said for consultants in general, in my opinion. Unless they are paid based on hard results (e.g. increased sales volume), they should present their professional advice, let the client make the decision, and then help the client succeed with whatever decision he made. The consultant can take satisfaction in knowing that it was a better thought out decision as a result of his/her input.

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By: Chris Swan https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2093 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:25:47 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2093 The comments on VitalSmarts are always interesting, and specifically the point that Direct Experience is the best persuasive technique. I plan to share this article with my networks. Chris

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By: Illysa Izenberg https://cruciallearning.com/blog/offering-advice-without-causing-offense/#comment-2092 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:24:03 +0000 http://www.crucialskills.com/?p=2593#comment-2092 Thanks for this great question and thorough response. I can see right away some things I am not doing that I must implement: While I anticipate misunderstandings, I forget to offer a contrasting statement. I must get in this habit! I think I often feel too rushed, but clearly it is worth the time.

Also, I agree that offering results after conducting my analysis, while providing that “wow, great job” response, does not result in long lasting change as does including the client in the analysis process. They own the answers, so they use them to implement change.

Thanks again. Love the newsletter,
Illysa

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