Comments on: How to Address Workplace Bullying

By: Margaret

Margaret — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 14:11:53 +0000

I also went through a similar experience. I am having to leave a job because of being bullied by a co-worker. From the day she moved into our department she barely spoke to me. She never gave me a chance, and she got away with it all. She had stronger friendships with people around the organization, and she got along well with other people. Any little thing that I did, she would go straight to my boss – even if I didn’t do anything. The other people in my office area joined suit. One guy wouldn’t really speak to me when she was around, but when she and another woman were out of the room, he would suddenly be nice to me. He was trying to get along with both sides, and I guess he rightly assumed I wouldnt do anything – he was right – what could I do? She was very good at treating me as badly as she could without doing anything that I can could call her on. As people always say, just ignore it. But ignoring it never works, and it seems the bully always wins. Unfortunately, this woman will go on to be teaching your children someday. It is truly unfortunate because I’ve seen her treat kids badly. She yells at them, puts them down, and picks favorites. If she doesn’t like a kid, she doesn’t help him or her. If she thinks the kid isn’t what she considers smart, she also doesn’t help him or her, either. If I had a kid, I’d shudder at the thought of her being the teacher. The amount of pain and hurt that I feel from having to leave my job is tremendous. All my confidence is gone. Imagine what she’d do to a kid? This woman was awful to me from day one, and no one cared about my feelings. She ignored me, and whenever I tried to talk to others, she’d cut in to draw their attention away with something “important.” She would monopolize the conversations, and always, always, always, exclude me from things. Furthermore, if I went to my boss and said anything, then I would be perceived as the trouble maker. When I got my yearly evaluation, sure enough, I was blamed. I was the problem because the others didn’t like me. I received a poor review, and I knew there was no point in staying. With a poor review, I knew I’d never ever get a promotion or ever move on. I am an older worker, my chances of moving on in my career are getting slim. Do people even think about the impact upon other peoples’ lives when they gang up on a co-worker? Why is it funny or entertaining to push people out of jobs that they need? Furthermore, why is it that once this cycle starts, you can never stop it. As the target you are blamed for the situation.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:41:42 +0000

Hello Athena.... I liked what you had to say. I feel the same way. I was reminded by 3 attorneys that 'HR works for the company, not for you.' That was an eye-opener for me. I am still shocked that there isn't more of an accountability factor attached to this issue. Most companies have a code of conduct policy that clearly states the types of behaviors that are expected and those that will not be tolerated. So how does hurtful, bullying behavior persist? I think that bullying is a huge and serious problem, and should never be diminished in any way. @Athena

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:29:24 +0000

To “Feeling Bullied”… and to others who have felt the pain of being bullied in the workplace… and the even-worse pain of finding yourself without support or protection from this type of abusive behavior: I applaud you for speaking up and telling your story. Being one who has been ‘targeted’ by a bully at work, I know first-hand that it’s hard to speak out when you have had the additional wounding experience of knowing that there will be no consequence to the incident(s) and that the bully will not held accountable. It’s even more difficult if you are forced to leave a job that you love, as the outfall of being bullied and speaking up about it. I, too, was forced to change my workplace because of bullying and intimidation. Such behaviors, I found, often fall under the category of ‘gray areas’, legally-speaking. The Workplace Bullying Institute has wonderful information and support; however, I remain in awe that the bullying persists and, in my estimation, seems to be as pervasive as ever in the workplace. In my experience, it is usually the person being bullied that suffers most… not the person who is doing the bullying. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of administration to address this harmful and inappropriate workplace matter. If administration does not recognize, and attend to, malicious employees (bullies), then they are just as much part of the problem…. perhaps even more; by allowing such behavior to continue, they are sending the message to everyone that they condone and permit bullying; they are also sending the message that they do not care to get involved with situations of mistreatment within their organization and that they do not respect the rights of their employees to work in a collaborative, productive, and healthy environment. Doesn’t administration see that a bully in the midst of an organization is pure poison? Perhaps if ‘OSHA’ was to get more involved, things would change.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:28:24 +0000

Hi Bob,
Good for you for speaking up about this behavior. Often, people in administrative roles seem to enjoy real insulation from the consequences of bad behavior. Not to assume the expert role here, but I have found that the first step to having a crucial conversation that has the potential to be personally offensive is to avoid terms like “morals” and “prejudices.” Limit your comments to descriptions of observable behaviors and how they made you feel. Making value judgments about someone else’s morals or prejudices assumes you can read their thoughts, and is bound to put someone on the defensive right out of the box. Good luck!

By: bob

bob — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:33:04 +0000

Went to the top of the organization to inform them that a person that is firmly entrenched in their organization is using bullying to keep everyone in line including their customers. Not a very nice place to work. They seemed aware of the problem but needed someone to speak up about it. Now they want a one on one with this administator to try to get to the root of the problem. How do I tell this person in a formal meeting that his morals, prejuces and bullying are not acceptable, without making it personal.

By: Samar Misra

Samar Misra — Tue, 04 May 2010 04:26:41 +0000

Dear Catherine,

Thank you very much for everything! I truly enjoyed the informational interview we had. I admire the 7-step guide to a bully free workplace. I plan on using that fully in interviews. Is that a good idea? Also, would using a tape recorder at work secretly be legal and ok in order to document behavior? Hope all is well!

Sincerely,
Samar

By: Athena

Athena — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:57:34 +0000

The article made me sad. I worked for a while in a coven of mean girls – all old enough and smart enough to know exactly what they were doing. Our staff meetings were constantly focused on talking about other people, in very derogatory terms. When a female walked in the room, the up and down glance, glance at one another signaled “one of us” or “not one of us”. I was stunned for about a year, then finally realized how debilitating this behavior is to everyone who experiences it, sees it and does nothing, and sees it and attempts to do something. The energy in the group could never get above a slow slog, as a result.

Bullying isn’t something that HR departments want to hear about or do anything about. I thought it was interesting that Kerry’s suggestion really soft pedaled compared to some of the other crucial conversations suggestions we’ve seen on this valuable website.

When it comes down to confronting bullies, nobody – not even the professionals – really want to step up and take on the behavior as a respect issue. It’s ingrained in us to “ignore it and it will go away”. Sadly, this will never solve the problem.

By: Catherine Mattice

Catherine Mattice — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:58:28 +0000

Unfortunately because the term bullying is so new in the corporate world, and because there are no laws against it, often targets of bullying are met with, “That’s just the way it is, try not to worry about it.” So of course while the advice given here is extremely valuable, I think it should be noted that research indicates talking about bullying to HR is not easy because they don’t always know what you’re talking about. Think sexual harassment pre-Anita Hill.

As such, the folks at Project for Wellness and Work-Life wrote an article about how to talk to HR about being bullied. http://noworkplacebullies.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/HowtoBusttheOfficeBully.71152410.pdf

Complaints about bullying SHOULD be greeted with the same fervor for resolution as sexual harassment complaints are. But because this is not the case, bullying often lasts up to 5 years before targets finally leave the organization with a multitude of unhealthy feelings such as anxiety, depression and even PTSD. I’m happy to hear the writer of the question got out earlier than that – bullying can be extremely detrimental.

I’m also excited to see Crucial Conversations addressing this issue and helping bring the topic into the spotlight. As an SME in workplace bullying and a consultant in the area, I am often met with “You’re an expert in what?” So thank you. http://www.noworkplacebullies.com

By: Dave

Dave — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:30:49 +0000

I would submit that this particular issue illustrates the point of Crucial Conversations — to deal with problems head-on, in a non-confrontational/non-accusatory manner, BEFORE issues escalate out of control. Quitting one’s job, and THEN writing a letter complaining about conditions, is exactly what individuals should NOT do. Bite the bullet, and raise the issue in a Crucial Conversation while still at the company. Credibility is lost (not to mention opportunity to work in an improved environment) by complaining after resignation.

By: Sydney

Sydney — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:41:06 +0000

This was a terrific article. It’s a shame that bullying in the workplace is still alive and well. Unfortunately, I can say I’ve experienced it myself. This type of behavior stifles performance and damages confidence. It also greatly impacts those who are not being bullied, but are witness to the act.

Fortunately for me, I am now launching my own business so will not need to tolerate this kind of behavior in the workplace any longer.