In such a situation, you can address defensiveness and angry assumptions by actively listening, using “I” statements, asking open-ended questions, avoiding blame, staying calm, offering reassurance, suggesting a break if needed, and considering mediation if the issue persists. These communication techniques can help create a more constructive conversation.

I think if you have already examined your own heart to ensure you are looking out for their best interest, then you need to gently help them to examine their own heart. For example, reminding them of your long-term relationship and mutual respect (confirm this by asking questions). Then ask, “So why are you defensive (sensitive) about this issue when you know I have your best interest in mind? Hopefully that will open up to a much fuller dialogue.