Comments on: Why Your Crucial Conversations Aren’t Working

By: Paula M Kramer

Paula M Kramer — Fri, 12 May 2023 20:25:45 +0000

I’ve learned that we each have 3 groups of people in our lives. People who get what we do, people who will never get what we do, and people who could go either way. My mother and siblings are in the people who will never get what I do group. They would never respond well to any crucial conversation. They stereotyped me negatively so they could stereotype themselves positively. They’re not about to change how they see themselves.

Crucial conversations will always fail with people who have no interest in ever getting what we do.

I ended my relationships with my mother and siblings and have lived a much less stressful life since. They treated me like a trespasser in the lives, so they don’t miss me, either. My father loved me, but died decades ago.

By: James Brown

James Brown — Thu, 11 May 2023 18:33:30 +0000

In reply to Mitra Biglari. I never think the phrase "hairy situation" or "hairy problem" refers to a person who is hairy. I think it's more like a cat's hairball or a drain plugged up with hair.

By: James Brown

James Brown — Thu, 11 May 2023 18:30:12 +0000

I think the answer to this also depends on the situation. I agree with the CPR answer that Justin gives. But what if the correct conversation is happening and the recipient chooses not to change? There’s nothing in the question that indicates it’s a work relationship or that the person holding the conversation has any authority. If it’s a friend or family member sometimes we have to accept that we have had a good conversation and that still nothing will change.

Also, these newsletter answers used to have some examples – “bringing up a Pattern problem might sound more like this…”. Even though the responses can’t give exactly what to say in each instance, I felt that the dialogue helped me understand the differences in, for instance, how a C, P, or R conversation would start.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 10 May 2023 14:44:19 +0000

I should think that, with chronic offenders, the crucial conversation needs to include a specific action plan that will enforce accountability and prevent backsliding into bad habits. For example, if you have a worker who repeatedly fails to follow up on issues, you may have to ask that person to cc: you on emails or have more frequent check-in meetings. Of course, you want to present it as, “I’m not trying to micromanage you; I want to help you get over this hump and establish a more productive work routine.”

By: Mitra Biglari

Mitra Biglari — Wed, 10 May 2023 13:53:20 +0000

Thanks for your wonderful articles!
Question, could the word ‘hairy’ in this sentence be offending to someone who is naturally hairy?

“The vast majority of issues that people write me about are not content issues, but content issues that have been swept under the rug or ignored for so long that they have metastasized into hairy, scary relationship issues.”