How do I change my behavior when it’s basically an addiction? I want to stay away from distractions, but I can’t help myself from checking my phone or really any other digital device. Can the GTD skills help me?

Signed,
Digitally Distracted

Dear Digitally Distracted,

Thank you for your question, or questions. You began by asking how to change behavior, and then concluded with “Can the GTD skills help?” The answer to the latter is a resounding “Yes!” But only if the skills become habits.

A habit is “Something you do (mentally or physically) that starts out as a choice and then becomes a nearly automatic pattern.” The real question isn’t “Can the GTD skills help?” but rather “How do I make the GTD skills habits?”

How Habits Work

Let me introduce you to The Habit Loop. Habits form because the brain is trying to save effort. This loop consists of three steps:

First, there is a cue, something that triggers your brain to go into autopilot. This could be a place, a time of day, a person, or an object.

Then, there is a routine. This is the physical, mental, or emotional behavior, the thing most people think of when they think of a habit.

Finally, there is a reward. Some emotional payoff that reinforces the routine.

Over time, this loop becomes more and more automatic. While you must identify a routine to build a new habit, that often isn’t enough. It’s key to leverage cues and rewards.

The Golden Rule of Habit Change

The golden rule of habit change says you can’t break a bad habit, you can only replace it. Too often we try to quit bad behaviors. But quitting isn’t a behavior. Instead, we need to replace the bad behavior with a good one. Here’s how it works: use the same cue, leverage the same reward, but change the routine.

Application

Our modern technologies make it easy to respond to whatever is latest and loudest, so we end up busy but unproductive. Many people get hooked by digital distractions first thing in the morning. To combat this tendency, GTD practitioners find it most effective to look at their calendars and their to-do lists before checking emails or texts. Why? If you begin your day by looking at email and notifications, you put a lens of “latest and loudest” over your eyes. But if you begin your day by checking your calendar and to-do lists, you see your goals and priorities first.

So, why do we do the ineffective behavior? Let’s look at the loop.

Cue: You wake up and see your phone or see and hear notifications.

Routine: You grab your phone and immediately check email, texts, or social media.

Reward: What’s the reward? You might be thinking there isn’t one. “There’s no reward to checking my email every five minutes. It’s a waste of time and gives me anxiety!”

Rewards can be extrinsic (something tangible you receive in exchange for completing a task or routine—like money, recognition, and so on). Or they can be intrinsic (an emotional payoff when a psychological drive is satisfied).

For a behavior to become habitual, there must be some intrinsic reward. What is rewarded is repeated. So, ask yourself, “What is the emotional payoff I get from the distractions on my device?” You may have to dig deep to identify what’s driving your behavior. A common payoff is a sense of control. Maybe it’s social interaction. Maybe you feel like you are helping others. Maybe you like the sense of urgency, stimulation.

Let’s assume, as an example, you gain a sense of being in control. Checking your email incessantly gives you a sense of control because you know what’s coming at you.

Or do you?

If a sense of control is your payoff, notice that in fact you’ve sacrificed control because these latest emails become the loudest voice in determining what you do. You begin responding to these emails when you’ve got other things to do that are more important.

You might tell yourself, “I have to stop checking my emails first thing in the morning.” But remember, you can’t break a bad habit, you can only replace it. You must substitute your current routine with a new routine.

Cue: You wake up and see your phone.

Routine: You grab your phone and immediately check your calendar and to-list.

Reward: Control. This new routine allows you to view your decisions through the lens of what you’ve already deemed important. You can now more effectively engage with your daily work.

There are two quotes from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg that have served me well when I’ve tried to change a habit. The first is this: “Change might not be fast, and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.”

And the second: “If you believe you can change—if you make it a habit—the change becomes real.”

I hope these ideas help. I’d also like to hear how others have used the principles and skills from The Power of Habit to improve productivity. Tell us in the comments.

Sincerely,
Scott

The post How to Put Down Your Device appeared first on Crucial Learning.

How do I help my 23-year-old daughter understand that she has to change her habits to get different outcomes? She recently moved back home. She is always late to work so she can’t hold down a job. She puts off things that I ask her to do around the house. It never changes.

She struggles with ADHD, but I feel she uses this as an excuse to be unproductive. She says she wants to be independent and move out on her own, but she does nothing to make that happen. When I try to teach her basics of work ethic and explain she needs to save money and so forth, she gets defensive.

I want to help her, but I don’t want to hover over her like she is a child. I also fear that without help she will continue to fail and become even more apathetic. What can I do?

Signed,
Honing Habits

Dear Honing Habits,

I appreciate your question and your concern. I’m a parent of four children myself, and no one ever told me that the hardest part of parenthood is parenting adults. Anne Frank once wrote about raising children, “Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

For your role in advising and helping your daughter find the right path, I’d like to focus on your initial question. Understanding how habits work can be a huge advantage for anyone wanting to bring about positive change in their life. Modifying and applying Frank’s quote here, the forming of your daughter’s character lies in her own “habits.”

For any discussion on habits, we must begin with a proper definition. In our course The Power of Habit, we define a habit as “something you do (mentally or physically) that starts as a choice and then becomes a nearly automatic pattern.” Simply put, habits are automatic behaviors.

Habits are important because they affect outcomes. But they also affect how we see ourselves and how others see us. Think of habits like a two-way mirror. A two-way mirror is a piece of glass that is a mirror on one side but can be seen like a window from the other side. For us looking into the mirror, our habits act as a reflection of who we are. What we see in the mirror is a collection of our daily habits. For others looking through the window on the other side, our habits are a manifestation of who we are. What they see, and their judgment of us (right or wrong), is a product of those same daily habits.

While others’ opinions shouldn’t be the reason to change, those opinions can open doors and provide opportunities or become barriers to our goals. What does matter is how we see ourselves. The goal for your daughter and all of us is to build our habits in line with who we want to be. That will drive what we do and lead to what we get. There are three key factors that will help in this process: belief, outcomes, and behavior.

Belief

To change, we must believe we can change. In our training we speak of “The Lag.” The Lag is the time between when we should change a habit and when we change. The longer we are in The Lag, the harder it is to believe we can change.

Belief can be fostered by learning how habits work. Belief is also buoyed through many sources, including family, friends, divinity, social proof, and evidence through our own behavior.

More than likely your daughter is probably experiencing the impact of living in the lag. She may also have a limiting belief related to her diagnosis of ADHD. While it’s important to acknowledge and understand limitations, it’s equally important to not allow limitations to define us. I once heard a parent with a child struggling with ADHD share that her son’s disability was “intense normality.”

Your daughter is intensely normal. Her diagnosis doesn’t have to define her, it can refine her. Awareness brings choice. Share your belief in her and help her see that image in the mirror.

Outcomes

Habits matter when outcomes matter. You mention that your daughter wants to be independent and to move out on her own. But does she? Is this claim a reflection of what she wants or what she thinks you want? Her current behavior seems to demonstrate the latter. Help her see what you are seeing.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes of what he calls identity-based habits. He says that when habits are tied to our identity, they give us a sense of purpose. More than what we get, it’s about who we are, who we want to be, and what we can become. Clear suggests asking the question, “Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?” Rather than just focusing on the result of living on her own, help her connect her habits to her identity and her belief in herself. Help her see herself as independent and becoming independent.

Behaviors

If you can help your daughter identify what she wants to achieve and what kind of person she wants to be, then ask her what she needs to do on a consistent basis to make those desires a reality.

Remember, your daughter won’t change overnight. Help her make small changes in the things she does most often. Rather than focusing on moving out and living on her own, help her identify behaviors of an independent lifestyle. Create small wins and celebrate. Not only will it get her closer to the end goal, but it will also build her belief and keep her moving forward.

Having this conversation with your daughter may be a Crucial Conversation. Share what you really want for her and for your relationship. Share with her the gap between what she’s saying and what you are seeing. Ask her to share what she really wants. Have her paint the picture of what it looks like. Discuss any of her limiting beliefs and share your confidence in her. Identify the behaviors that will help her progress and help her do the things that independent people do.

Best of luck,
Scott

The post Helping Your Adult Child Build Better Habits appeared first on Crucial Learning.

I think I’m addicted to my smartphone. I’ve thought about getting rid of it, but I value and depend on many of its tools. And yet I pick it up hundreds of times a day and stare into it for hours. I think this affects my attention and concentration, self-esteem, relationships, activity and health, peace of mind, sleep, and more—all for the worse. What can I do?

Signed,
Smartphone Sufferer

Dear Sufferer,

Addiction is often defined as the inability to stop a behavior even when there is a desire to do so, and even when that behavior is causing psychological, physical, or social harm. Given the consequences you list, you may in fact be addicted. Or you may just have a bad habit.

Many of us talk about being “addicted” to our smartphones because we use the term colloquially. But in terms of psychology and behavior, there are some differences between habits and addictions.

Regardless of where you fall, my suggestions should be regarded as self-treatment for a tough habit. I hope they help, but if they don’t, I encourage you to seek professional help.

Assess Your Use

You can assess your smartphone addiction by taking the short assessment at HealthyScreens.com. This will give you a picture of your relationship with your smartphone. Much of our success in changing habits depends on self-understanding.

Identify the Habit Loop

Usually when we try to overcome a bad habit, we focus on the routine, which in your case is picking up the smartphone hundreds of times a day and using it for hours. We try to quit the routine by sheer willpower, which almost never works because there are other factors at play.

Every habit consists of a cue, routine, and reward, called The Habit Loop. You know what the routine is, but what’s the cue? And perhaps more importantly, what’s the reward? What are you gaining from your overuse?

Take Inventory

To uncover the cues and rewards, start keeping a journal of your compulsive smartphone use and what triggers it. If you’re inclined to use a smartphone app to do this, you may want to think twice and instead get a pocket journal and pen.

Logging your use is less important than reflecting on why you’re doing it. Pay attention to the thoughts and cravings you experience before you pick up your phone, even though you likely won’t notice them until after you’ve been eyes deep in your screen for a while.

When you can pull away, take a moment to identify what you were thinking and craving just beforehand and the feelings you experienced from use.

You’ll want to become both scientist and subject. And like any good scientist, you’ll want to ask a lot of questions.

Where was I?

What did I hear or see?

Who was I with?

What feeling was I craving?

What feeling or thought was I running from?

What feeling did I gain?

Why do I crave that feeling?

Am I sustainably satisfying the craving?

Is there a better alternative?

Is there a way to reduce the cravings for that feeling?

This will take some time. Essentially, you’ll be excavating and perusing your own thoughts and feelings, which may include unconscious drives. Do so with the kind of undiscriminating care that a scientist would.

Change your Environment

Rearrange your physical and virtual environments to remove cues. Obvious cues include your smartphone itself and its notifications and alerts.

A radical example of removing cues would be to hawk your smartphone and buy a flip phone. I know people who have done this with good results.

More moderate examples include leaving your phone at home when you go out, or in another room while you work or sleep.

In addition to changing your physical environment, change your virtual environment. Delete apps, turn off notifications, rearrange your homescreen, batch your use, and set screentime limits. I have a friend who has a password-protected screentime limit and his wife holds the key.

Healthyscreens.com lists strategies for rearranging the virtual environment for both Android and Apple devices.

Pursue Replacement Behaviors

You can’t break a bad habit; you can only replace it. The time you spend on your smartphone will need to be filled with some other activity, ideally one that provides a similar payoff.

I have found that fifteen minutes alone in a quiet room, which I often do after working online for the day, can help me steer clear of my phone and the internet for the rest of the evening. Unplugging for a few minutes, for me, usually breaks the distracting momentum of the device.

The replacement doesn’t have to be grand, but it should be accessible. Going for a jog might not work. Deep breathing might. Or a short walk, a glass of water, a phone call (not a text) to a friend. Time alone in a quiet room. Ten minutes of meditation.

Experiment until you find something that works.

Some Final Thoughts

Whether you have a habit or an addiction, to change your relationship with your smartphone you will need to change how you think about it. Alcoholics don’t quit drinking alcohol, for example, through grit or willpower alone; they also experience or undergo an internal shift. They gain a new perspective of both alcohol and themselves, usually in the rooms of AA, and then they give up drinking.

The same is probably true for a person who successfully quits chewing his fingernails.

So I want to share a few ideas to provoke some reflection, which I hope might lead to a shift in perspective.

It seems the smartphone has made it easier for us to pursue behaviors that have always held potential for addiction: shopping, socializing, watching television and news media, seeking approval or fame, making money, and otherwise running from boredom.

If you think of the smartphone as a transmission device, you begin to see that perhaps the problem isn’t the phone itself but rather our relationship with fetishes through the screen, whether that’s information (the illusion of knowledge), social validation (the illusion of worth), busyness (the illusion of productivity), money (the illusion of security), pornography (the illusion of intimacy) or any other obsession by which we can distract ourselves.

I’m not suggesting the smartphone is benign. I’m aware of how it and many apps can exploit human psychology.

But is there some specific activity you engage through your phone? Whatever it is, thinking about the activity itself may better help you uncover your psychological drives and rewards rather than thinking of your habit simply as “smartphone addiction.”

Finally, I want to say that I see addiction as something that must run its course. I encourage you to consider this possibility.

You might see this as fatalistic or defeatist or think it runs contrary to the tips I outlined above. But it may be in accepting that we are addicted or compulsive or otherwise imperfect that we have hope of experiencing the kind of internal shift necessary for personal change.

From Taoism to Stoicism, from cognitive behavioral therapy to AA to our course The Power of Habit, you can find wisdom on how to build better habits and avoid or overcome addiction, which all include suggestions to address thinking and behavior.

What you won’t find, however, is an account of how the change will occur or when it will occur. We are recipients of such grace.

We seem to be unique in our capacity to undermine our own interests and wellbeing with self-defeating and self-destructive behavior. Why we have this unique capability, I think, is one of life’s mysteries. I also think our capacity to change is a wonderful mystery.

Having both seems necessary for growth.

Good luck,
Ryan

The post Smartphone Addiction: Understanding and Overcoming It appeared first on Crucial Learning.

I have a lot of habits I need to change, but the one that gets me in the most trouble is reverting back to my bad behaviors: yelling, smoking, drinking, and not performing at work. I do this when my partner and I disagree. I feel that by doing all of these behaviors I will somehow “show him!” But I only hurt myself, and yet I can’t stop. Help.

Sincerely,
Sometimes Self-Destructive

Dear Sometimes,

I sympathize. There is a lot going on in your question, including some real insight. So, I’d like to start by pointing out a hidden gem in your question.

We often develop bad habits because they give us some sort of reward in the moment. For example, “I get to show him” is just another way of saying “I get to feel good and validated and justified in my bad behavior.” But in the end, those habits are leading to outcomes you don’t want. As you put it, “I only hurt myself.”

The insight, then, is this: there’s a difference between rewards and outcomes. We experience rewards from our behaviors immediately, whereas outcomes occur later—for better or worse.

This is why we have habits we can’t seem to change, even when they’re leading to long-term outcomes we don’t want. Often a reward is keeping us stuck.

To understand this better, we can look to the science of habit formation, and we can apply that science to reengineer our habits and gain control over them.

A habit is actually comprised of three distinct parts.

First, there’s a cue—the thing that triggers a specific routine. In your case, you know the cue: you and your partner disagree or have an argument.

Then there’s the routine, which is the behavior itself, or what we tend to think of as the habit. I yell, I smoke, I drink, I slack off at work. The cue launches us into a routine.

And finally, there’s a reward. This is what reinforces the routine, so that when the cue shows up again, we repeat the routine.

What’s the reward for your behavior? You’ve already identified at least part of it. You said, “I will somehow show him.” Uncovering the rewards behind the habits we wish we didn’t have often requires serious and honest introspection. Perhaps you believe that by “showing him” you’ll gain a sense of justice, or autonomy, or validation?

It sounds like up to this point you’ve been thinking about how to change your routine. But I think you’ll have better success of changing your behavior if you dig a little deeper into the reward you experience from that behavior.

Here’s why I say that. One thing we know about habits is this: you can’t break a bad habit; you can only replace it. We often call this The Golden Rule of habit change. People are ineffective at changing habits when they focus on what they want to stop doing. They become more effective when they focus on what they’ll start doing instead.

The cue probably isn’t going away. You’ll have another moment of disagreement and dissonance in that most important relationship of yours, and you’ll again want that soothing reward of feeling . . . validated, affirmed, justified? Currently, you’re trying to gain that reward by “showing him” and engaging in behaviors that only hurt you. But if you can find a replacement routine that delivers the reward you seek and leads to good long-term outcomes, you’ll be successful in changing that habit into one you feel good about.

So, here’s what I want you to do. Think hard about why your current behavior is so rewarding. Make a list of all the things it’s doing for you. Then look for an alternate behavior that will deliver some of those same rewards but lead to better outcomes.

The amazing thing about habits is if you can identify the cue and the reward, you can swap the routine in that loop and create a whole new habit.

You’re asking the right questions. You recognize how deeply and profoundly our daily habits can impact the most important things in our lives. You may be hurting yourself right now, but I know you can make this change.

Sincerely,
Emily

The post Why Do I Engage in Behavior that I Know is Self-Destructive? appeared first on Crucial Learning.

What does the science say about resolutions? Do they work? Every New Year I see my friends, coworkers, and relatives make resolutions—and then often follow through for as much as two weeks! And then, as we all know, they often fall back into their old habits. I’ve done the same thing myself—and so I’ve stopped making resolutions altogether. But maybe we’re all just doing it wrong. What can a person do to turn a resolution into a habit?

Signed,
Irresolute

Dear Irresolute,

I get it. It’s common to lose hope when we try to make a change—and then find ourselves, after the first rush of excitement, falling back into our old ways. And changing an entrenched habit is hard—particularly the kinds of habits we all tend to target when a new year rolls around. We start January with big dreams. We’re going to eat better! And exercise more! And get on top of our finances! And willpower often sustains these ambitions for a while—but then, the kids go back to school, and the idea of running again (I went two days ago!) seems unfair, and we’re sick of dieting. And so our willpower falters. And then falters again. And eventually we give up. We’ve all been there. It’s okay.

A major misconception around habits is that willpower is the source of sustained change. It is easy to see others who have healthy, effective, rock-solid habits and assume they have unnatural reserves of self-discipline. But research has shown that willpower is like a muscle; it gets tired when exerted for extended periods of time. So, building new habits is less about grit and more about strategy. You’ll increase your chances of success by understanding how to break a habit into pieces—and then making a plan. Let me explain.

The Science Behind Habits

A habit is comprised of three parts: a cue, a routine, and a reward. The cue is the prompt, something that triggers you to do a routine. The routine is the behavior we commonly think of as the habit. And the reward is the payoff, the satisfaction we get from meeting some craving or need. These three components, when put together, are called The Habit Loop. And every habit follows it: cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward.

Become the Scientist and the Subject

It’s not hard to spot our habitual routines, but we’re generally unconscious of the cues and rewards that trigger and reinforce them.

For example, while writing The Power of Habit, I had a habit of eating a chocolate chip cookie every day. And this habit of eating a cookie was starting to affect my health. In fact, I had gained eight pounds, and my wife had begun to make pointed comments. I had tried to change this habit. But even the sticky note on my computer—“Don’t eat cookies!”—didn’t seem to deter me.

So, to change my cookie-eating habit, I first had to identify the cues and rewards. I got a journal and began recording what happened immediately before and after I ate the cookie—my thoughts, my feelings, things happening in my environment. I wasn’t yet trying to change my habit, rather, I just wanted to identify what was happening. After a few days, I discovered that my cue was the time of day. Every day, at about 3pm, I would get the urge to walk to the office cafeteria, buy a cookie, then eat it while chatting with coworkers.

Identifying the reward was more challenging, though. Was it the sugar rush from eating a delicious cookie? A break from work? So, I ran some experiments. One day, I ate an apple to see if that tamed the craving. The next, I took a break by walking around the block. Pretty soon, I figured out that the best part of getting a cookie was chatting with coworkers. That social interaction was the reward.

As you set out to change a bad habit or build a new one, think of yourself as both scientist and subject. Study your habit first. Get clear on the possible cues and rewards that are reinforcing your habit loop. Then go to work on changing your behavior.

Engineer Your Environment

Once you know what your cues and rewards are, you can swap routines. In my case with the cookies, I kept the cue of 3pm, but instead of my usual routine of buying a cookie, instead I walked to a colleague’s desk and chatted for a few minutes. And the reward stayed constant: social connection and a break from work. The cookie urge disappeared.

Isolating cues and rewards aren’t just useful for changing a bad habit. You can use it to build new habits, too. The writer Maya Angelou developed the habit of writing every day by paying for a hotel room. In the room she kept a dictionary, the Bible, and Roget’s Thesaurus. She forbade housekeeping from the room, and asked that all decorations be removed. Every morning at 6:30, she drove to her hotel room and wrote until mid-afternoon. She would then return home and enjoy a proper dinner in the evenings. Then she’d repeat.

In effect, Maya Angelou had engineered her environment—implementing helpful cues while removing herself from the distracting ones—to prompt the routine of writing. And for years, she kept a bottle of sherry in the room, and she’d give herself a reward after she’d finished a particularly tough bit of writing.

You can do the same thing. If you’re trying to build the habit of doing yoga every morning at 5am, for example, you might keep your yoga mat at the foot of your bed. Lock your smartphone in a kitchen drawer instead of on your nightstand so you’re not tempted by it.

And reserve your cup of coffee or tea—or a nice rewarding smoothie!—until after your Downward Dog and Triangle Pose. That’s your reward. And over time, you’ll find it easier and easier—more habitual—to stretch every morning.

Experiment

Finally, keep experimenting until the routine sticks. Changing habits is tough. Failing the first or even the second time doesn’t mean you’re incapable of change. Rather, it means you are making progress, and you are learning something from your experiment. Look again at your cues and rewards. If you forget to do your new routine, chances are the cues aren’t noticeable enough. If you remember to do your new routine but aren’t motivated, ask if you need a better reward. Even better, delay gratification of the guilty pleasures you already have. Binge on Netflix after your evening bike ride and games with the kids.

Good luck,
Charles

The post How to Turn a Resolution into a Habit appeared first on Crucial Learning.

My organization has just rolled out a new collaborative software tool and my manager let us know we are expected to use it. I’m excited about the new tool, as several people on my team have used it at previous organizations and swear by it. Yet, I still don’t use it. When I need to connect with someone, I send a quick email or—and this will make me seem old—I pick up the phone and call them. This has worked for me for years. I want to adapt to this new way of working, and I know I need to if I am going to stay relevant in today’s workplace. The problem is not my willingness to change; the problem is I keep defaulting to old habits. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Old Dog Wanting to Learn New Tricks

Dear Seasoned, Mature, and Experienced Dog,

Adapting to new technologies is a common challenge in our world. I know what it’s like to get stuck in that space between wanting to change and actually changing. Everyone has been there at one point or another. We are wired to build habits. Our brains efficiently automate routine behaviors. And our habits serve us well . . . until they don’t.

It sounds like collaborating through email and phone over the last several years has served you well. But now you are faced with a change in your environment. Your old habits are holding on in the face of that change. You are in what we refer to as “the lag”—the delay between wanting to change and actually making a change. Living in the lag results in regret, frustration, anxiety, and unhappiness on a personal level, and diminished performance, engagement, and efficiency on an organizational level. The key to reducing that lag is to understand how habits work so you can change them.

Most of us think of a habit as a behavior. But that is just one part of the habit. A habit is actually a three-step process that begins with a cue (the trigger), that triggers a routine (the behavior, or what we tend to refer to as the habit), that results in a reward (the reason your brain remembers and repeats the routine). Without the cue and the reward, you don’t have a habit.

Right now, you have a habit that probably looks like this:

• Cue—you need some information from someone
• Routine—you email the person
• Reward—you feel a sense of satisfaction for completing a task on your to-do list

This habit has worked well and now you want to change it. And change is the right word. Because as much as we might want to, you can never break a habit, you can only replace it. This is the Golden Rule of Habit Change.

So, you already have your new routine—communicate with coworkers using the new collaborative software. Assuming you know how to use the software, the routine is not the problem. You are likely getting tripped up by either the cue or the reward. Ask yourself, “Am I forgetting the new routine?” If so, this indicates a cue problem. Or, “Do I remember to do the new routine and choose not to?” This would indicate a reward problem.

If you tend to open your email and send a message before you even think about using the new software, reconfigure your cues to make the new routine more likely and the old less likely. You might try the following:

• Keep the collaborative software open on your primary desktop and minimize or close your email program.
• Put a sticky note or other reminder on your monitor to prompt you to use the new software.
• Set an alarm on your phone that prompts you to connect with someone using the new software.
• Allow all notifications from the collaborative software but silence all notifications from email.

If, on the other hand, you remember to use the new software but decide that it’s easier or better to use email, you may have a reward problem. You are remembering to do the new routine but choosing not to because you aren’t sufficiently motivated. So, add some rewards:

• Track the number of messages you send each day with the new software and make it a game—give yourself a target to hit each day and reward yourself when you do.
• Eat an M&M each time you send a message in the new software.
• Take a 10-minute break after sending your tenth message of the day with the new software.

The reward can be anything that will motivate you, but make sure it’s immediate and obvious. This is where most people fall short. They consider the cue and the routine, but they fail to implement a reward. They assume that the outcome (my manager and coworkers will be happy I am using the new tool, and I’ll be more relevant and effective) will be sufficiently motivating. But while the promise of positive outcomes can spark a desire to change, it rarely sustains us—outcomes are only realized as long-term consequences. When building a new habit or replacing an existing one, you will need to implement an immediate and obvious reward.

So, implement cues and rewards to reinforce the routine. If you falter, experiment with different cues and rewards until it’s clear you remember and want to do the routine. This should get you out of the lag and onto using the new software.

Good luck!
Emily

The post How to Adapt to New Technologies at Work appeared first on Crucial Learning.

David Maxfield is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

My seventy-two-year-old company made a decision to make enormous business process changes intended to keep the company competitive in future markets, but these changes have now caused large amounts of complexity and are affecting group cohesion and overall morale. In trying to accommodate this more “agile” process, disengagement has become the norm as each area continues to operate within their isolated silos. Coercion and bullying have sadly achieved more than peaceful collaboration. Having already dealt with intensified levels of stress, a growing population of baby boomers are moving more quickly toward the door.

How can upper management, who has created an unfortunate perfect storm, now effectively promote change? What can be done at this point to make a successful transition from the old to the new?

Curious Twenty-Something

Dear Curious,

These days it’s hard to find an organization that isn’t in the throes of reinvention, and the ones that aren’t are probably dead or dying. These gut-wrenching changes can tear an organization apart. So, how do you help your workforce embrace changes that are profound and rapid? I think every organization needs the answer to this question.

We at VitalSmarts spend a lot of our time working with organizations to craft answers that work for them. I’ll suggest a few approaches we take.

Focus on your Cultural Operating System. Test this metaphor: Organizations are like smartphones in that they have apps and an operating system. A smartphone’s apps include maps, e-mail, music, calendars, games, etc. These apps run on top of the phone’s basic operating system or OS. The OS controls how apps access and use the phone’s basic hardware, making it vital to the success of any and every app. However, as phone users, our attention is mostly on the apps. They are the programs we use every day. We tend to take the OS for granted.

The same is true in organizations. We tend to focus on organizational apps—specific strategies, structures, processes, initiatives, and systems—without attending to our organization’s operating system. This operating system, what we call a Cultural Operating System (COS), includes the underlying norms, behaviors, and unwritten rules that determine the success of every organizational app—apps like the agile business processes you refer to in your question.

The symptoms you describe as poor group cohesion, discouragement, coercion, and bullying often occur when an organization tries to graft a new app onto a Cultural Operating System that isn’t ready for it.

Launch a listening campaign. Leaders need to hear first-hand from a broad swath of employees. This is not the time for a survey or a consultant’s report. Leaders themselves need to lead interviews, focus groups, and “town hall meetings” to learn about the obstacles people are facing.

It is especially important for senior leaders to involve two groups: formal and informal leaders. Formal leaders are the managers and supervisors across the organization—everyone who manages people. Informal leaders are the opinion leaders within every group. These people may not have any formal role as leaders, but are respected and looked to for guidance. Leaders need to spend a disproportionate amount of time with these formal and informal leaders, because they are the key to the rest of the organization.

The goal of these listening sessions is to discover failure modes, crucial moments, and vital behaviors. Failure modes are the forms failures take—the common patterns that recur. Crucial moments are the times, places, and circumstances when these failures are especially likely. Vital behaviors are the actions that either prevent the failures from happening or turn failure into success in a crucial moment.

Look for the purpose behind each strategy. Organizations that are the best at importing new business processes focus on the purpose behind each new process rather than on the process itself. They treat the processes as heuristics that need to be tailored to fit their needs, not as formulas that need to be duplicated without variation.

Less successful organizations get caught up in the forms, policies, procedures, and tools involved in new processes—and implement them even when they don’t fit or don’t accomplish their intended purpose. It sounds as if your organization is suffering from this problem.

During their listening campaign, leaders should identify crucial moments when people are implementing processes in ways that don’t achieve the intended results. For example, agile processes put a big emphasis on involving stakeholders. However, this involvement can take many forms—and one size doesn’t fit all. Having stakeholders attend design meetings is one way to get involvement, but this approach only works if the stakeholders have the right skill sets and the interest to attend. If they don’t, then teams need to find other ways to involve them. The mistake is to either abandon involvement or stick with involvement that doesn’t work. These mistakes create the kinds of frustration you describe.

I hope these ideas give you new ways to examine the challenges your organization is facing. Readers, please add your ideas to the few I’ve suggested here.

Thanks,

David

The post Building Support for Agile Processes appeared first on Crucial Learning.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Maxfield is coauthor of two New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything and Influencer.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

One of my coworkers has been harassing me for more than three months. I have expressed that I am only interested in maintaining a professional relationship and asked him to refrain from touching me or making further advances. When he ignored my request I complained to company management, but six weeks later the sexual harassment has continued and expanded to include other forms of harassment.

I filed another complaint and he has been talked to again but not terminated. I have been told that if there are future problems, he will be let go. In the meantime, I find myself in a job I love but where I no longer feel safe. I am required to work with this individual and maintain a professional relationship. After reporting the problem twice without seeing any results, I do not feel the harassing party will ever stop and I am not confident the company will protect me. I’m considering a job change. Do you have any advice for dealing with sexual harassment in the workplace?

Harassed

Dear Harassed,

Sexual harassment is very hurtful and scary, and it can be very challenging to resolve. My heart goes out to you. My first and most important piece of advice is to stay safe. Don’t allow yourself to be in a position where you can be harmed. Your safety needs to be your first concern.Next, I’ll try to answer your questions.

As you know, sexual harassment has legal implications and I want to make it clear up front that I’m not an attorney. Please don’t consider any of my suggestions as legal advice. I’ll focus on three elements:

1. Understand the law and your organization’s policies.
2. Be clear in words and actions that this person’s advances are unwanted.
3. Have a crucial conversation with human resources.

Understand policies and laws. If you haven’t already, get a copy of your organization’s sexual harassment policy. Read it carefully, write down questions it raises, and then meet with HR to get answers to your questions. Remember that the people in HR have to walk a careful line. They don’t want to permit harassment, but they also need to follow due process. They’ve told you they are monitoring the situation. Do your best to help them do their job.

If you have questions about laws that protect against sexual harassment, you should seek advice from an attorney with expertise on this issue. The basic law prohibits harassment and requires employers to maintain workplaces that are safe and free of harassment. However, the interpretation and enforcement of this law leaves many victims of harassment dissatisfied. Likewise, the interpretation presents challenges for people who believe they are wrongfully accused of harassment when they were trying to be friendly or just joking around.

The law would be clear if you were fired for refusing sexual advances. However, your experience is better described as a “hostile” work environment and people—even judges—don’t always agree on what “hostile” means.

Be clear in words and actions. You share that you’re required to work with this person and maintain a professional relationship. This is very typical of harassment situations and it’s incredibly tough to do. You need to stay professional while keeping yourself safe from someone you no longer trust. Know that others are watching you as well as your harasser. Behave as if your interactions are being videotaped and picked apart by a skeptical jury. Be on your best behavior.

Often, a harasser’s defense boils down to “it was a misunderstanding,” and this defense will sometimes win—both with HR and in court. Make sure your message is clear, unambiguous, and public. If your coworker is inappropriate when others are around, be quick to ask him to stop. You want others to witness two events: his bad behavior and your immediate, professional, and unambiguous response. If possible, avoid being alone with your coworker to avoid any “he said, she said” situations. Keep a journal with dates, times, and details of any inappropriate actions—including quotes of what was said—and report incidents to your manager and to HR immediately. Build a case that will refute any claim of misunderstanding.

Avoid behaviors that could be seen as flirting and don’t take part in bawdy conversations or jokes. Don’t initiate or accept invitations to be alone with your coworker in situations that he or others might interpret to be social or a date.

Have a crucial conversation with HR. It appears that you have already had a crucial conversation with HR and that HR believes it is following the letter of its sexual harassment policy. This policy probably involves verbal and written warnings. Again, based on your description, it sounds as if HR has made it clear that further harassment will result in termination. Since the harassment is continuing, I suggest you promptly have a second crucial conversation with HR. Here are a few ideas for this next conversation.

Share your facts. Detail exactly what has happened since your last conversation with HR. If you’ve taken notes, use your notes and provide them at the end of your conversation. Describe the circumstances, exactly what was said or done, who may have witnessed the incident, etc. If there have been multiple incidents, describe each of the incidents in detail. With harassment, there is often some ambiguity—what politicians call “plausible deniability.” Do your best to provide enough details to make the facts undeniable.
Tell your story. After you have detailed the facts, tell your story. Explain how these facts fit together into a pattern of continuing harassment. You say the harassment has expanded into new forms of workplace harassment. Make sure to describe the common thread that ties these incidents together. Make sure HR understand that you no longer feel safe at work.
Ask for others’ paths. Stop and ask the HR professionals for their help. Know that HR can’t violate the confidentiality involved in the formal disciplinary system, so don’t ask them to tell you exactly what they will do to your harasser. Instead, ask for how they can help you. Ask them to prevent the harassment and ensure your safety.
Talk tentatively. Avoid accusing HR of not doing their job. They must give due process to both you and your harasser. Be open to ideas that will work to solve the situation, but also be honest about ideas that won’t work for you.
Encourage testing. As you share your facts and tell your story, stop to check for understanding and agreement. Encourage HR to ask you questions and even to play devil’s advocate. You want to hear any concerns they have while you are still in the room and able to respond to them. Ask HR to give you advice and to share what the next steps will be. Have a note pad with you and write down the response.

I want to conclude my response by reiterating that regardless of the course of action you take, first and foremost do what is necessary to stay safe. Incidents of harassment can quickly escalate into an assault. Finally, if you don’t think the situation is being handled appropriately by HR, seek advice from an attorney.

David

The post Dealing with Workplace Harassment appeared first on Crucial Learning.