Comments on: Kids These Days

By: john yates

john yates — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 18:10:10 +0000

In reply to Ryan Trimble. You are welcome, Ryan. I have enjoyed CC for many years. Thank you for your thoughtful articles. John

By: FL

FL — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 19:07:11 +0000

In reply to Vicky. Genius response on your part,

By: Ryan Trimble

Ryan Trimble — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 18:01:29 +0000

In reply to john yates. I love it, John! Thank you.

By: Scott Jackson

Scott Jackson — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 17:20:47 +0000

In reply to Scott Jackson. And also your idea of encouraging respect for shared virtues. With all the horror going on in the world today, this may be the only way for civilization to survive and thrive.

By: john yates

john yates — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 17:07:30 +0000

Good morning,

After reading the article I took into account each method you described and applied them in theory to me.

At 72 years of age my wisdom tells me to acknowledge all people as they are in the moment. If they are having fun on the trail and it is not harmful to anyone then I wave and ask who the group is. This develops a connection on the human level and can develop a rhythm of friendliness. If they turn down the music then we may end up talking. If they don’t turn the music down then I’ll dance to their rhythm and move on. My point being is to acknowledge all those to whom I encounter as worthy of respect and interesting.

By the way, if we are in bear country their music will forewarn the bear of their presence. They will be less likely to startle a bear. In bear country it is considered wise to wear clinking items. Perhaps my clinking is annoying to another person or group.

I do not have the right change another’s behaviour, unless that behaviour is harmful to one’s safety.

John Yates

By: Hanne Wulp

Hanne Wulp — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 17:00:26 +0000

This past weekend I spoke up to a loved one, and received a passionate (one could call it aggressive) reaction in return. I was at peace, because I had followed most of the CC instructions (It was worth it, I owned my own emotions and didn’t try to manage my loved one’s feelings, etc.) It was by no means perfect. But I’m so glad I did it. We ended up creating a greater mutual understanding of the topic, and worked things out.

I don’t think I’d speak up about loud, obnoxious music in nature. I did do it when my teenage neighbors blasted theirs when their parents weren’t home.

Norms might change if we don’t speak up to strangers, but at the same time, that’s what everyone starts believing while maturing. Maybe I’ll have to grow older to do this (LOL).

By: Scott Jackson

Scott Jackson — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 16:45:23 +0000

Hi Ryan,
Thank you for the wonderful example of how to use Crucial Conversation skills. I needed this refresher, and the “using a script” idea!

By: Dhammadinna

Dhammadinna — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 16:28:24 +0000

Thanks for this, and for addressing the bigger topic of social norms and consideration.
In the backcountry I hardly ever encounter folks playing music, but off leash dogs is a thing! I always thank folks who have their dogs on leash. On the other hand, in my experience, folks who let their dogs run loose are quick to take offense, and/or deny that their dog that nearly knocked me over on an icy stretch of trail is doing anything wrong. I like the idea of working up a script and I like to lead with “couching” comments like, “I hope it’s ok to share with you…” “I wonder if it would be ok to let you know…”
I appreciate in your script including the personal freedom piece. That is a thread that runs through a lot personal value systems.

By: Elonda

Elonda — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 14:36:26 +0000

In reply to Vicky. What a wonderful way to pay it forward Vicky! Bravo!!!

By: Elonda

Elonda — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 14:33:52 +0000

I just love this story! Before last week, I never realized how the tone in my voice was so offensive to others. It wasn’t necessarily what I said, but how I said it. Starting with heart and taking the emotions out of the conversation has really helped the outcome of crucial conversations I’ve had since. It really does help to know what stories we are telling ourselves too that makes a world of difference.