Comments on: How to Hold a Crucial Conversation with a Group

By: torrimom

torrimom — Wed, 24 May 2023 17:36:00 +0000

I am grateful for many things I have learned from Crucial Learning over the years. I want to share that a few months ago we, as volunteers, had the opportunity to comment on a change the organization wanted to make. We were to email them our ideas. I have been with this organization for nine years and this was the first time we had been asked to do this. I sent the leaders a short note that was respectful and kind. I only shared two reasons I felt the change wasn’t in the best interest of the volunteers nor the guests that we help every day. I was pleasantly surprised that they listened to my ideas and instead of making the change they had planned, made a change to make things even more open and comfortable for us and our guests. Also, after sharing my ideas I was still treated with respect and kindness. Thanks for all you have taught me. I will keep working on what I learn from you.

By: Cara

Cara — Wed, 24 May 2023 17:21:34 +0000

Great article and reminder on how to share when you’re the only one. I’ve been on the other side of this a few times – leading efforts with a group and having one (or two) hold-outs who do not agree on a direction. I would love to hear from the Crucial Conversation experts on moving past a crucial conversation where agreement could not be reached but the group moved forward anyway. As someone leading the project and hearing these concerns, I believe we did a good job of creating space to hear others: they felt safe in expressing their opposition. We took time to explore alternative options with their buy-in and review for “what else.” We responded to their concerns with sharing more details about future needs that would be supported through this effort. After all of that, the project leaders took time to revisit our assumptions and scope of our project. We came to the conclusion that their feedback and our adjustments do not lend to a “perfect” solution (all agreed). However, now is the time and effort would still be required to support the less-than-perfect approach we landed on. Consensus was not reached and that is unusual in my organization; it is uncomfortable. I am curious how much time needs to be spent working through that unusual outcome, or if that just adds fuel. I am also concerned they have checked out. We’d like to move forward and would prefer to do so with their support.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Wed, 24 May 2023 14:08:15 +0000

This article gave me flashbacks to a truly awful project I was on at a good company. Unfortunately before I had Crucial Conversations.

I could not pull anyone away from the idea that I was trying to cover my own behind from failure. Just the opposite, my team did an amazing job and delivered everything we were supposed to, but the project was such a disaster of planning that it would never get used…and I could see it early on. I think a lot of people saw it early on.

There was apparently a higher up who drove the idea and I could never figure out who they were. I was dealing with a series of intimidated underlings and could never make headway.

The good/bad news is the project was delivered as designed and not too over budget or time. My management “celebrated” the successful launch. Exactly as predicted, it was used for less than a month because it brought no value and a lot of overhead to the existing procedures.

By: brucemabee

brucemabee — Wed, 24 May 2023 12:42:31 +0000

As usual, this is important wisdom from Crucial, including the general approach and the tactics. For me to speak up here (not with a disagreement but an addition), I want to focus what I believe is implied: I want both my tone and content to express “we” — that “I’m in this with you.” I hope to make sure it does not come across in my face or voice as, “You people are making a big mistake!”