Comments on: How To Respond to Your Interrupting Parent

By: Mary Novotny

Mary Novotny — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 16:45:11 +0000

One consideration is that interrupting and impatience during conversations is also a characteristic of both ADHD and autism spectrum disorder.
Maybe mom has undiagnosed ADHD. Exploring that possibility might make the dynamic make sense. The intervention and expectations would then be different.

By: Jeremy Thompson

Jeremy Thompson — Fri, 09 Jun 2023 21:01:36 +0000

I want my mom to stop talking to me and stop invading my privacy.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 21:12:04 +0000

Great answer! What the article does a great job underlining, and what many of the commenters don’t seem to get, is that just because someone has a different conversation style, doesn’t mean they are intentionally being rude. “Interpersonally insensitive” is a wonderful turn of phrase. Just like an insensitive instrument requires a greater signal strength before it registers a reading, an interpersonally insensitive person is not capable of recognizing subtle signs of discomfort in others – even though those people might feel they are broadcasting them very clearly. When you were in high school and came to school with a bad haircut or a new pimple, you probably thought everyone immediately noticed, when almost none of them did. YOU were highly sensitive to this stimulus, and others were not – despite what you might have believed. We continue to encounter these disparities in perception every day as adults. Don’t crucify a scale for not measuring to the microgram, and don’t crucify a person for not being as talented as you might be in the skill of understanding what other people want or need. It won’t get you what you want, and it leaves everyone feeling unhappy and frustrated. This is not a moral failing. It’s a sign of of the diversity of human beings.

By: F Little

F Little — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 14:55:57 +0000

In reply to Joan. Genius! And kind.

By: Peaches

Peaches — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 22:07:13 +0000

Thank you Joseph for these great options.
I am an interrupter albeit a minor one according to this account and I value the insight to my habit. It gives me a greater capacity to inspect my behavior pattern.
I realize I get excited about a conversation and then interrupt!! This can be changed!!!

By: Marguerite

Marguerite — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 20:55:21 +0000

What a great article! It is heartening to hear someone espouse this perspective. I wish authors would employ their characters to illustrate these perspectives. It would validate this as a valuable expression.

By: Beth McNamara

Beth McNamara — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 19:35:54 +0000

I have a confession to make… I often interrupt people. It’s not done on purpose or out of malice or a need to be heard… it’s how my brain works. I have little filter, especially with those I’m most comfortable with (i.e. not at work), so what I think comes out of my mouth as I think it. I do not mean to interrupt my loved ones and I’ve tried to improve. Sometimes it’s easier than others to stop myself, let them finish their thought and then speak. Sometimes I’m in overdrive. I have worked out a system with my husband… he will call me out on it or give me a look. And he now understands it’s not a critique or disrespect to him… it’s just who I am. When he does this though, we can adjust in the moment and keep going. It is hard through your question to tell if your mother understands your feelings or not or how her actions impact you. I totally agree with what Joseph has recommended. If you’ve had a conversation with her and she’s not willing to accept her ‘foibles’, it will come down to you deciding what you want out of the relationship and what you can accept. Best wishes to you as you figure this out.

By: Judith Williams

Judith Williams — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 17:03:13 +0000

Thank you for the insights and options. It’s helpful to consider both relationship and capabilities in choosing an approach.

Option 1 is my go-to for my Meals-on-Wheels clients, whom I see weekly when I bring them their Thursday meal. Most are elderly and isolated, all are infirm, and I figure no one listens to them, so if they want to talk (some don’t), I listen. I have a ready stock of “uh-HUH, wow, I hear you, that’s something.” I’m genuinely interested in the variety of ways people navigate the difficult journey of age and infirmity. Some are worried, some philosophical, some disappointed, some grateful, and some just like to talk about the past.

Best story: Miss F was an office worker in downtown Fort Worth when World War 2 ended. Everyone was out in the streets celebrating the end of the war. She and some coworkers bought a watermelon and ate it. They didn’t have any place to put the rind, so in the spirit of the moment, they dropped the rind into a postal box. She knows that’s a federal offense, and still wonders about her crime.

By: Janice

Janice — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 17:02:30 +0000

It really does feel like disrespect or selfishness or just cluelessness, however, there are some people who have a medical condition that causes impulsivity and it manifests most noticeably in adults in conversations. People living with attention deficit disorder have a chemical imbalance in their brains that makes controlling impulses very difficult if not impossible depending on the severity of the imbalance. If they are medicated for the condition they improve their chances of not being that person who interrupts all the time but it does not eliminate the propensity for them to do so. What I can tell you is that they do not want to have their lives and relationships impacted negatively by this manifestation of the condition and are always deeply sorry when they are made aware that they have interrupted. Those living with this condition deserve grace and compassion in the form of understanding that the behavior is born out of a medical condition with gentle reminders that they have interrupted.

By: Shannon Tucker

Shannon Tucker — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 16:36:22 +0000

The piece about letting go of expectations has been a huge game-changer for me. When I really dig into why I feel resentful about something, it always comes back to my expectations of that person or relationship. Often those expectations are unable to be met (for a variety of reasons). Once I let go of the expectations I have, I find myself feeling freer, happier, and better able to navigate what I want from my relationship with that person.